Drunken argument with my girlfriend - need advice!

[berg101]

Hi Girls

Just looking for some advice on a problem that occurred last night.

Bit of background info - I am 23 and my girlfriend is 19 - 20 in a couple of months, we have been together for four months.

Basically me and my girlfriend were going out with some friends for dinner and then all going to a few bars/clubs afterward - I was driving so unfortunately had to limit my drinking. Anyway we went out and were having a brilliant night - my girlfriend was all over me at the club and told me that when we got home I was seriously going to get it - which obviously was great news for me. We left the club about 2am and she was very drunk and told me that she might go back to her house which really annoyed me because we had plans to stay at mine - she told me to come and stay at hers but the problem was I was dropping off her friend who lived near me so it would be completely out of the way. Anyway we ended up getting into a bit of fight about this and she told me I am the most selfish prick she's ever met (believe me I'm not selfish - and I'm especially not selfish when it comes to her) she was just drunk and I know it was said in the heat of the moment but it actually annoyed me a lot, anyway she leant against the window and was crying (trying to make it so people couldn't hear her - wasn't done for attention). Just before she started crying she said she really needed some water so I pulled up at a petrol station and got her a bottle (after I dropped her off her friend samantha who I was taking home said that was such a sweet thing to do - even tho we were really pissed off with each other I still made sure that she was okay and got her some water). Anyway we got to her house and I walked her to her door to make sure she got in okay, plus her dogs always run out and she wasn't in the best state to get them in so I did it. She said 'so what happens now' and I told her that I've completely fallen in love with her but I don't want to feel like Im disposable and that Im being taken for granted - I told her that I felt like we wouldn't see each other if I didn't make the effort - I then said that no matter how much I love someone I won't stay with them If i feel taken for granted - she then grabbed me and hugged me tight and said 'I love you' (that was the first time she's said it to me and I don't know whether she said it coz she was drunk, because she actually meant it or because she was scared I was about to end it). She then said that she really want's to see me on friday night (tonight) I actually have plans with my brother and told her this and she got really upset by it. Anyway she told me that she really wants to be with me and that she doesn't want to lose me, I then walked her inside and she gave me a hug and kissed me and said through sobs 'please don't leave me' (meaning break up with her). I told her I won't but she just needs to think about what I said because at the minute it's me thats getting hurt. Then I told her to go get some sleep. When I was driving home she sent me a text saying "Im sorry x" I replied saying "it's fine, get some sleep x".

I just don't know what to do anymore, Im so crazy about this girl and we have such a great time together - her friends are jealous of our relationship and we have such a good rapport but I just wish that sometimes that she'd fight for me more and actually prove to me that she really really wants me - at the end of the day everybody likes reassurance every now and again.

Im just after some advice on what people think I should do now and how I can stop worrying that whatever I may do might sabotage our relationship.

Thanks in advance everyone.

[Kaetey]

I don't think that the argument you described actually tells me what exactly you feel is the problem in the relationship?

You feel taken for granted? How? To me this argument just sounds like a normal drunken fallout that everybody has at the start of a relationship. I'm not sure why she wanted to stay at hers all of the sudden (I would ask her), but I can imagine t she did so she can see how much power she has over you and to see whether you would drive all the way back to hers just to see you. It just seems to me like she needed a bit of reassurance and tried to control you a bit. Probably not done because she has a bad character, but because she was drunk and felt a little insecure (and it's normal at her age!).

I think you really handled the situation well and even though I'm not a fan of little power games, they are normal and it's probably just best to speak about it when sober and ask questions as to why she behaved the way she did. She is probably upset that you didn't come back to stay at hers and also that you didn't call off your engagement with your brother to see her (I know it's unreasonable, but as a girl I know this is the way we thnk....) plus the absurd thing: we would get absolutely bored with a guy who would actually do that for us!

Maybe this helps?

[berg101]

Hi Kaetey

Thanks very much for your response - it helped a lot. We actually spent Saturday night together and talked a lot about our situation and actually ended up having the best night we have ever spent together - it was brilliant. I think both of us have been feeling slightly insecure about the relationship and neither of us knowing exactly what the other wants - but now we do, we spoke about the future and the things that are important to us. I also believe a lot of my paranoia at the moment about our relationship has been caused by my sheer exhaustion due to far too many nights out and not enough 'me' time. Deep down we both know how we feel about each other, I just think that we both share some insecurities and sometimes having that reassurance helps a lot.