Possible cheating GF.. Need objective outside opinions

[MattyP]

Ok, We have been dating since mid June. Here is the short and sweet:

Dating since June. Friends for 12 years. she leaves to go out of town to visit father for a week the end of August. She starts talking about this guy who she is friends with before hand. I think nothing of it, and have zero reason to not trust her. While she is there she spends a ton of time with him, and goes to workout/cardio etc.. all the time together. She tells me this over the phone. I admit i started feeling funny about the situation, but still at this point im not questioning anything. Over time i start getting a really strong gut feeling that something isn't right or something happened. I ignore it for a couple weeks until tonight. Im usually HUGE against this, but even despite my own resentments, i decide to check her phone tonight while she is in the shower (i know dick move) (i have only done this one other time, when i had the same strong feeling and caught my ex red handed ****ing around with her ex through reading their texts back and forth) Anyways, This clown is sending her shirtless photos and she responds " Im seeing and im Liking!!!!!" and all texts from the past are deleted minus very recent (past few days) between the two of them.... I still feel like a dick for looking at her phone though.....

So, my question here, im trying to sort this out objectively, but its always easier said then done when your in the relationship that's at question. Any opinions? I haven't confronted her yet, and decided to take a day to think it over.

Im thinking of something like this for confrontation tomorrow.

i was thinking saying something like ,"I've been having a very uneasy feeling recently. Has anything inappropriate been going on that I need to know about between you and xxxx" If she says no then say, " Then you wont mind me seeing your conversations you 2 have on your phone and FB?" If i present nothing or steer the convo towards the text (haven't even seen FB, God knows whats on there) then she will say, "Nope, nothing is going on etc.." and then im left high and dry with nothing. IF she says nothing at all inappropriate is going on, and refuses to let me see what they talk about, at that point i may just pull the punk card and say ,"So if there isn't anything inappropriate going on then there wouldn't be half nekkid pics of him with you saying ," Im seeing and im liking!!!" Right??" and a ton of **** deleted......

[Boisdevie]

If she admits to it then you can't trust her in future. If she doesn't admit it then you confront her about it and you'll have a big arguement. Either way your relationship is screwed.

[Blondi3]

i was thinking saying something like ,"I've been having a very uneasy feeling recently. Has anything inappropriate been going on that I need to know about between you and xxxx" If she says no then say, " Then you wont mind me seeing your conversations you 2 have on your phone and FB?" If i present nothing or steer the convo towards the text (haven't even seen FB, God knows whats on there) then she will say, "Nope, nothing is going on etc.." and then im left high and dry with nothing. IF she says nothing at all inappropriate is going on, and refuses to let me see what they talk about, at that point i may just pull the punk card and say ,"So if there isn't anything inappropriate going on then there wouldn't be half nekkid pics of him with you saying ," Im seeing and im liking!!!" Right??" and a ton of **** deleted......

DO NOT DO THIS! Demanding to see her phone is really the wrong move. You do not have the right to see her text messages. Your demanding she sacrifice her privacy for your comfort because you don't trust her word - it's an insult. I can tell you that a lot of women would just say F**k you, even if they were 100% innocent. It'll cause a row and you still won't know for sure one way or another if you have anything to worry about in terms of this guy.

Forget what you saw on the phone and talk to her - don't accuse her of anything. Tell her your feeling insecure, that you can't help it - you've been burned by some cow doing this to you in the past and you can't help but look out for it in future, even when you've got no solid reason. Tell her you just need to know more about this guy and how she feels about him to put you at ease - ask if there is anyway you can get to meet him or the three of you go for a drink? Approach it from a vulnerable position, rather than as an attack and you'll get more answers. Listen to how she responds and be sensitive to how she's reacting. Try not to read into things too much - they could just be buddies goofing around, he could be hitting on her and she's trying to blow him off gently, 101 legitimate excuses aside from the obvious - you just don't know. But the softly softly approach will clear things up much better, than making black and white demands. And if she is guilty of anything - well you trying to do the sensible thing and meet the guy will FREAK the hell out of her.

[smackie9]

I say shut your mouth until you have further evidence. Me personally, if it doesn't feel right, it's not.

#1 she visits her father for a week, but is spending more of her time hanging out with this guy.....so what was the reason for this visit?

#2 telling you about this guy, but when she is there, not before she leaves. "Oh btw I have this friend I never told you about....."

#3 deleted messages/ Inappropriate picture.

#4 Your gut feeling.


If you confront her, she is just going to deny it and be more careful hiding it because she will know you are onto her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Your girlfriend sounds just like the girl that cheated on her now-husband with me. She would always tell her b/f how much fun we have together, even months before we actually started hooking up. She would just tell him how cool I am and how much fun we have, and he hated me the whole time. After we started hooking up, she even introduced us. After he found out that we were hooking up, she came on a trip back to see me, and he was absolutely livid. The guy is a clown though, who marries a chick after she does that? Your girl can't be trusted. Use her for her sex hole while you look for another, then crush her once you do find someone else.

[InYourFACE]

just be mature.

without that bullshit stories you want to make.

you should break up with her anyway. so her story doesnt matter that much

[smackie9]

I have male friends and I draw the line at inappropriate behavior like that, in fact I don't tolerate it at all. If it ever happened they will be deleted. She just has no clue what relationship boundaries are. Even if she isn't cheating on you, she is an attention whore, and it's obvious attention from you isn't good enough. You need to find a new GF.

[Cerby]

Dump her. I dated a girl for 4 months that wasn't over her ex, as soon as we broke up she was staying at his place within a few nights. Never confirmed if she was screwing him while we were together or not, and don't care.

If it doesn't feel right, it isn't.

[Maple1714]

I would say just ask her about it. See what she says....if she denies anything happened or denies she is still in contact with him then you should move on from her.

[zaccarus]

Speaking from personal experience, ask her flatly what's going on but don't play your 'ace card' until she lies about it and then hit her with it.

She will probably give you something along the lines of 'it was a stupid mistake and it's all over, I just felt so lonely because I wasn't with you and I didn't want to admit to it as I didn't want to hurt you' blah blah blah (oops let my experience take over there)

If someone is sending her inappropriate images (and yes they are inappropriate as they are sent with a sexual undertone) and she has responded with anything other than don't send me images like that then you may have to face the fact that she is open to attention from others which IMHO is a no-no in any relationship.

Can't blame you for checking her phone and yes maybe you shouldn't have done it but gut instincts are normally spot on, as for asking to see her messages is this an invasion of her privacy? Surely if she has nothing to hide then she wouldn't mind? How would you react if she asked to see yours? Maybe that's just me and my opinions on having total honesty and openess in relationships as I know other people think that partners have no right in looking at your phone/facebook where as I also know people who happily share passwords etc. This is another argument but in my experience the latter have the more solid relationships as there is total trust.

Bottom line your relationship may be over but until you talk to her about it you won't know.

Good luck as it's going to be a shit conversation to have!!

[Blondi3]

I think this is getting a bit out of hand - Everyone seems to have decided this girl is guilty because some plonker has sent her a picture of himself with his shirt of and she has sent what at worst could be called a marginally flirty, at best polite response. Unless I've skipped the post where you've seen a picture of her on top of him or the other messages were extracts from 50 Shades of Gray, this assumption that she MUST be unfaithful or have something to confess to is a huge over-reaction.

You've been hurt by a cheating girl before - lots of people have been hurt by women who cheat - but not EVERY woman will shag about - in the same way that not ever man screwsr women over. Don't let this cow that hurt you in the past f**k up what you have going on in the future.

Yes you need to talk to her - but you need to accept that part of the reason your worried is YOU not HER. Yes, another woman did this to you and you have every right to be a bit scarred by the experience. But you have to try and keep an open mind. Otherwise your going to be sabotaging every relationship you get. Look at it this way - She TOLD you about this guy. She didn't have to do that. If she was doing the dirty on you, wouldn't it be more sensible for her to keep her mouth shut or play down the amount of time they spend together?

All I'm saying is don't make your mind up now until you've talked to her. You've invaded her privacy and found one minorly suggestive message sent to her from someone else - she's not your ex and you haven't caught her out. You just need some reassurance about what you've seen.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Blondi3, the point is that we don't care if she actually ****ed the guy or not. We're saying what she has been caught for is enough to write her off. Why should he keep snooping around behind her when he could just find a trustworthy partner?

The girl telling him about the guy should not alleviate any of his worries. Women(and men) will often tell their partners about a "friend" they're going to hang out with, only to find out they are ****ing this friend. I have been that friend on more than one occasion and it's comical to hear the reassuring things girls will say to their boyfriends on the phone right after swallowing a mouthful of my cum.

[Maple1714]

Blondi3, the point is that we don't care if she actually ****ed the guy or not. We're saying what she has been caught for is enough to write her off. Why should he keep snooping around behind her when he could just find a trustworthy partner?

The girl telling him about the guy should not alleviate any of his worries. Women(and men) will often tell their partners about a "friend" they're going to hang out with, only to find out they are ****ing this friend. I have been that friend on more than one occasion and it's comical to hear the reassuring things girls will say to their boyfriends on the phone right after swallowing a mouthful of my cum.

Dang Backup, why have you been involved with so many women/girls who are cheating...married? Is it the thought of sticking it to some other guys girl that gets you off? The excitement or something? Have you ever thought about why? I am just curious.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It's only happened 3 times, but that is more than once. While it does add a different flavor of excitement, it's not something that I seek to do. In all three cases it was very clear that they wanted me, and I did not have to chase at all. They all had different reasons, but they were all very eager to **** me. If a hot girl wants me to **** her, without even taking her out or doing any work, I'm going to do it 10 out of 10 times, unless the guy is my friend. If it wasn't easy, I wouldn't have done it, which is why I take the stance of the relationship meaning nothing if the girl(or guy) is genuinely willing to **** someone else behind the other person's back.

[Maple1714]

It's only happened 3 times, but that is more than once. While it does add a different flavor of excitement, it's not something that I seek to do. In all three cases it was very clear that they wanted me, and I did not have to chase at all. They all had different reasons, but they were all very eager to **** me. If a hot girl wants me to **** her, without even taking her out or doing any work, I'm going to do it 10 out of 10 times, unless the guy is my friend. If it wasn't easy, I wouldn't have done it, which is why I take the stance of the relationship meaning nothing if the girl(or guy) is genuinely willing to **** someone else behind the other person's back.

I hear ya...but you wouldn't sleep with a hot girl 10 out of 10 times if you had a GF right?