Does my gurlfriend still have feelings for her ex...??? Tore Up :'(

[themtwo]

Quick Facts:

Me and my girl have been together a year and 2 months.

She swears up and down im her everything nd she loves me so much etc.

I really care about her nd dont know wat too do, (otherwise i wouldnt be on this site asking advice from strangers)

We are both 17

Before me she was with her ex for 3 and a half years from ages around 12-16.

He was her first real boyfriend, Her first love, Her First (and only besides me) .....etc.

Claims she had too walk away from him because he changed ,wasnt the same amazing guy he was during most of those 3 years, was going no where in life, etc.

Throughout our whole relationship, she has never brought him up, however for the past few months he has been the topic of many depressing talks. Why? Because I always bring him up assuming she still has a thing for him or something like that.. I know, i have deep insecurities about this guy and their relationship..

Recently she confessed over the summer she saw him and had a brief conversation with him, but never told me. She says she didnt think it mattered enough too bring up ... What too think of this???

Last month we got into this huge fight nd the next day I fought her ex.

Couple days later she tells me she decided she has to hit him up one more time and get her "closure" she never got. She broke up with him? What closure does she need?

Well i suppose she had her conversation and although it actually took place BEFORE she told me she was going too shoot him a text, she sent me pictures of the messages too show me what they talked about...

See attachments below:
(If pictures are too small I inserted notepad file that has all the messages typed)

Questions:

Based on your "expert" opinions and past experiences, how would you interpret her feelings for this guy?

I am sure she had a much bigger and closer bond with this guy than me but she swears she loves me now and is completely moved on from him.. Is she still hanging on by a thread or have feelings for him??

Could I be a rebound?? I saw the way he responded too her and it looked like he didnt want anything to do with her... She however was being pushy and clingy for answers. Does that mean anything?

Ultimately I know I do love her and want to be with her bad, however if there is still something there between her and him then I cannot be involved, I have told her many times if she needs time to think about this and she refuses sayinng she know she wants and needs me and is over him. Should I believe her?

Is it mee or does it look like what she wanted was too have some sort of last heart to heart, sad talk where t hey let all those feelings about the break up out...?

Did she want another chance with him??? She said she missed him...

Plenty more details if you have any questions please feel freee and I will elaborate as clearly as i can.Attachment 1567

[berg101]

I don't want to be the one to tell you this but get rid of her fast! Your suspicions are correct - she definitely still has a thing for this guy, although it appears he holds no flame for her. If my girlfriend said to her ex or any guy "I don't even know if he is still my bf and I don't even care!" I would get rid of her straight away, in fact if my girlfriend started persistently talking to her ex and telling him she misses him etc then I'd end it right away. Nobody should be with someone that puts them in the position that you are now in. I know that I wouldn't be able to trust anyone after that.

In my honest opinion I think you constantly bringing him up when there was no need for you to has pushed her towards him - maybe she started thinking about him more because of the conversations you and her were having about him. You shouldn't ever do that - I never mention my ex to my gf and she doesn't to me. Sometimes it comes down to trust - you have to trust someone and I know first hand that that can be difficult to do but you can't spend your time together worrying that she'll cheat on you - if she does she does, you'd be better off without her if she's willing to do that.

Hope that helps - anymore advice you need don't hesitate to PM me.

[themtwo]

Thanks for your reply berg....I see all the red flags but i cannot bring myself to leave this wonderful gurl... i mentioned that too her and she said when she wrote, "and i really dont care!" she said she was referring to his comment saying i fought your bf because he thinks im jealous of you guys.... I didnt believe her, but that was her excuse.

I feel she does lie to me constantly to prevent any fights or arguments but i want to know the truth....

This conversation with her and him happened about a month ago and since then she hasnt had contact with him and she has tried too reassure me she wont ever have any contact with him again. I have since then not tried to bring it up anymore but it stills bothers me everyday too think she still loves this guy....
id like more peoples views on this before i make my final decision on leaving her or not....

so in conclusion you think she still does love this guy after a year and 2 months of being with me ? she has not gotten over her 3 year relationship with him ?

I don't want to be the one to tell you this but get rid of her fast! Your suspicions are correct - she definitely still has a thing for this guy, although it appears he holds no flame for her. If my girlfriend said to her ex or any guy "I don't even know if he is still my bf and I don't even care!" I would get rid of her straight away, in fact if my girlfriend started persistently talking to her ex and telling him she misses him etc then I'd end it right away. Nobody should be with someone that puts them in the position that you are now in. I know that I wouldn't be able to trust anyone after that.

In my honest opinion I think you constantly bringing him up when there was no need for you to has pushed her towards him - maybe she started thinking about him more because of the conversations you and her were having about him. You shouldn't ever do that - I never mention my ex to my gf and she doesn't to me. Sometimes it comes down to trust - you have to trust someone and I know first hand that that can be difficult to do but you can't spend your time together worrying that she'll cheat on you - if she does she does, you'd be better off without her if she's willing to do that.

Hope that helps - anymore advice you need don't hesitate to PM me.

[IndiReloaded]

Dump her. You are sloppy seconds. She'll come running back to you so long as there isn't someone better.

There's a reason why this other guy doesn't want her either. Think about that.

[themtwo]

bumppppppppp

[Sirois]

This doesn't seem like acceptable behavior from a girlfriend.
It seems to me that your insecurities have made her take you for granted. She likely feels that she can get away with anything and you'll still be there. Considering what you've wrote, it seems she is right as well.

If you cannot bring yourself to breaking up with her, then at least be firm with her and set some ground rules, and her willingness to abide by these ground rules will also show you how important you are to her.

Keep in mind though you are both young and the reality is that this relationship will come to an end sooner or later. And keep in mind that even though it seems like the end of the world, the reality is you will move on and realize you should not have wasted your time and energy in the first place.

[HeartIsAching]

It's fairly obvious that she hurt him so badly that he wants nothing to do with her.

It's also obvious that she does still have feelings for him. She's also terribly controlling - her insistence on continuing the conversation despite his desire to not, merely because she wanted to keep talking makes that clear.

Indi's right - You're backup plan "B". She even said "I dont even know if hes my boyfriend anymore and i really dont care!" What more do you need?

[berg101]

Honestly themtwo take our advice and end things with her - even if you eventually end up getting back together it will stand you in good stead because it will show her you're not going to take her crap. If she fights for you and does what she can to win you back then I guess that shows she really does care about you, if she just lets things end then she isn't worth it anyway. Don't ruin future relationships by staying with her when she clearly makes you feel insecure.