Just Broke Up... Need Advice, I am very sad

[tbell760]

My ex-girlfriend, Sophie, Broke up with me three weeks ago because of my problem with relying on her to help me with the hardships i'm faced with in my life. It sounds pretty obvious that i shouldn't care about this because she is leaving me while I am down, but i admit to literally thinking "everything will be okay because i have sophie" I put so much pressure on her and she couldn't handle it and thats why she left me. She told me i need to learn how to make myself happy and be happy with myself before i can share my life with someone else. I understood, and now i am doing so much better with everyday living, but the thing that is making me so depressed is not being able to have an emotional relationship with this girl. We were best friends for a year and four months and started dating or a physical relation ship and that lasted 6 months, I know that the physical relationship had a big part on what caused some of this to happen and i have accepted that we probably wont have that in the near future. I have been talking to her, trying to show her i have changed and i am being happier but i can't help to tell her how i feel. How i want to be able to have a emotional relationship with her once again. But she says she can't do that, that we were once lovers so an emotional relationship can't happen anymore. I still tell her that that is what i want. We went through so much together and she knows me more than anyone else in this world and it is crushing me that we she thinks we wont be able to help eachother again. I don't know what to do. I need help.

[IndiReloaded]

Too much closeness isn't good, nor too much space.

There is a wonderful poem about marriage from a very wise man. I'll give you a link but this may help explain things:

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

http://www.katsandogz.com/onmarriage.html

[tbell760]

By asking for help i meant now. The closeness and space does not apply to this situation because were not close anymore at all and the space between us seems so massive that it's hard for me to sleep at night. I was more thinking of what i should do now to convince her that an emotional relationship would be good for us, meaning to be there for eachother not be dating. Thats all i truly care about at this point

[smackie9]

You definitely need to learn to not let your problems take over your life. You need to spend your time and energy finding solutions instead of relying on her (or someone) to take on some of the burden.... It would wear anyone down emotionally. She knows you won't be able to fix this over night, and she knows her being with you will not help your situation. You need to focus on your self improvement, maybe seek a few counseling sessions with a therapist or find some self help books. Relationships can be a distraction, so it's best you go at this alone, and do it for yourself.

[smackie9]

By asking for help i meant now. The closeness and space does not apply to this situation because were not close anymore at all and the space between us seems so massive that it's hard for me to sleep at night. I was more thinking of what i should do now to convince her that an emotional relationship would be good for us, meaning to be there for eachother not be dating. Thats all i truly care about at this point

Broken hearts are blind and deaf. You think this is the best solution, but it's not....here you are again relying on her to make you happy. You just can't stand on your own two feet...this is why she left you in the first place....she doesn't want to be there for you...she doesn't want that responsibility anymore.

[steviej]

As smackie said, you haven't changed at all! You're desperately trying to claw her back and she knows this.
If you want to get any chance of getting the friendship back with her then you have to sort yourself out. She is no longer your emotional safety net. Keep discussions with her light hearted and fun, don't bog her down with all your depressing bullsh!t, no one wants that.

She needs to see you're a confident, independent person who is fun to be around. Not some clingy, needy, 'woe is me' type person.

[IndiReloaded]

By asking for help i meant now. The closeness and space does not apply to this situation because were not close anymore at all.

Sharp like a marble, you are.

The reason she's gone is because you were too clingy. Gibran gives you the solution. Read again, think more.

[alishass2040]

The closeness and space does not apply to this situation

[tbell760]

thank you for all the help. i have realized that i'm still not over the fact that i still would like to jump into things with her again. Like you all said, i need to sort myself out. I have been going to countless therapy sessions and trying new things but i can't seem to ever get her off my mind. Does anyone have any recommendations on what could be best for me in this situation?

[IndiReloaded]

The closeness and space does not apply to this situation

Another one. Keep scratching your watch and winding your butt, you'll do just fine.

[tbell760]

Hey guys thanks for all the help. I havent spoken or texted or communicated with her for a good four days now and i know that might be little short of time for some of you but its been the longest 4 days of my life. My friend has told me he talked to her, her and i tried to make things "comfortable" with eachother but i can't help to emotionally burst and tell her i miss her. she can't handle it anymore (that is what my friend says) and i understand and wish i never bursted out with my emotion in that situation. She attends my school, so i see her everyday but we are currently on a break for thanksgiving so we wont see eachother until tuesday. Giving her space is what i need to do and i am doing it, i'm told i need to move on. but i feel guilty if my mind were to not think about her, we were to much to me to leave it like that. I dont really know what to do or how to think, there always seems like a positive and a negative.

[steviej]

You need to accept it's over, concentrate on you and your self improvement.
It is hard, but although it feels like the end of the world right now, that feeling will go.

[smackie9]

When you push your thoughts away of her, replace them with different thoughts, and keep repeating this...in time you will become less and less dependent on those emotions you have of her to make you feel happy.

[basilandthyme]

It sounds pretty obvious that i shouldn't care about this because she is leaving me while I am down,

Actually, you've got totally the wrong slant on this. This is the mentality of a 'victim' and it's not at all attractive. The more accurate way of thinking would be "I understand that she had to leave me. It was selfish and unfair of me to put all my issues on her"

Thing is, a person who hasn't got their shit together isn't ready for a relationship. And because they aren't ready, the relationship will not last. It's NOT the fault of the person who breaks up. They need to look after their own sanity - not someone else's.

[Being Alone]

I'm an ordinary guy with extraordinary heartbreak.
I've been with my girl for 12 years, and 2 days ago she told me she didn't love me anymore and left with a days notice.

I'm going through what your going through now, let me know how your coping with it please, as we can all help each other
This is my story day by day

hownottomanup.
blogspot.ie/


Please let me know any advice that might be helpful to me and maybe my progress may help someone else as well as helping me.

Peace Out