So, I am 28, white, handsome, ripped, well endowed,(I'm actually very humble most of the time just not when describing myself over a forum for information's sake.) I can communicate my feelings very well, I am committed and monogamous, I am talented and passionate, I have a good amount of friends and family who love me, and compared to most people on the planet I am one lucky S.O.B.
Being a white male American kind of makes me feel guilty for EVER complaining about anything that happens to me because I am aware of all the people starving because of a system which benefits the rich white males. But that aside, the one thing in my life I've wanted ever since I knew what it felt like is love. I've been in love with 3 women in my life time, but none of them wanted to commit to me. Two of which still come and go in my life, occasionally visiting me, hooking up with me, playing like they still care, then leaving again only to be with other men. How am I supposed to not internalize this? How am I supposed to not feel totally used and worthless in the love aspect? I'm apparently worth ****ing but not worth loving in a serious way. Because love is the #1 thing in my life I seek, to feel like I am unworthy of a woman's love, because of countless horrible dating experiences where as usual I was being nothing but a gentleman and the female I was with changed their mind or lost their mind, which ever came first, basically I get shit on over and over while being a nice, open minded, kind gentleman and I've lost all hope. If you can't have the thing you want most in your life because you aren't the "right" kind of guy, why go on? I'm not suicidal per say, but I have no motivation to do much of anything anymore. If I am not worthy of a woman's love, what's the point in trying? I haven't chosen a career yet, I've completed some college, but if being able to acquire more money is the only thing women are looking for (since that's the only thing I lack) then I don't want to be with them any way! I want someone to be with me for who I am not because of what I have. But being a man in this society I am expected to be the bread winner, the MAN, who makes paper. I can't think of anything else I don't have that these other guys do. I watch as my ex girl friends date other guys, while at the same time they try to give me moral support and tell me I am a great guy, have hope, etc. Kind of doesnt mean shit coming from someone who thinks being with someone else is more worth their time. I cant be a great guy if I am so easily thrown away. The amount of love I feel for someone is not normal. I am unique in that I feel things VERY deeply. Love for me is intense. I've never met a woman I clicked with who could love me or commit to me. Maybe I should just stop complaining, but I can't help feel totally useless and inferior around beautiful women now because I associate feelings of attraction to feelings of rejection. How can I get over this? I know there are tons of opportunities with women I've never met before out there but I can't approach women because of primarily two reasons, I am broke, which shouldn't even be a reason, and two, I believe, from my experience, that every woman I like will leave me because I am not good enough.