I feel awful

[fearoflove]

Just deleted my ex from facebook and pretty much cut him out of my life because I don't want to hang onto hope that we will be back together someday. It makes me feel awful because I really like him and I know when he finds out he will be hurt too. This makes me feel awful.

A little background:

Long distance relationship
we broke up because he doesn't know if he wants kids/doesn't want to talk about the future
He told me he needs more experience in life to think about what he wants
He told me he is feeling pessemistic about us
We are both 23 and are students
He told me likes me alot (I feel that about him too)

[searock]

And the question is..?

[fearoflove]

And the question is..?

No questions in particular. Just any insights, comments, words of comfort.

A part of me wanted to linger and hang around him until he knows what he wants.
Another part of me think he just says he doesn't know/holding back because his love isn't strong enough.

Stay around and wait or cut loose is the dilemma. I don't know if I made the right decision.

[searock]

I think you did make the right decision. For one thing, long-distance relationships rarely work out. Unless you have been together for a long time before going long-distance, and you have a precise date in mind in which you will move back closer to each other, I'd say the chances of survival of such a relationship are basically zero. Furthermore, the fact that he doesn't want to talk about the future, is pessimistic about you two and needs "more experience to figure out what he wants" are all ways for him to communicate that he doesn't want to be with you. Relationships take work from both sides, and if he is unwilling to put effort in it, the relationship is already broken. Finally, "liking" someone doesn't mean anything... I "like" a lot of people, it doesn't mean I love them or want to be in a relationship with them.

Look to the future, stay strong, you are still very young and your whole life is ahead of you... don't waste anymore time thinking about the past :-).

[AnnonymousMan]

No questions in particular. Just any insights, comments, words of comfort.

A part of me wanted to linger and hang around him until he knows what he wants.
Another part of me think he just says he doesn't know/holding back because his love isn't strong enough.

Stay around and wait or cut loose is the dilemma. I don't know if I made the right decision.

Duh fawk? What do you have to lose by "hanging around"? You win both ways. How long has this guy been "not sure". If it has been like a few days then cut him a break. His love isn't strong enough? lol love isn't the only glue that binds 2 people.

[searock]

By "hanging around" (keep in mind that it's a long distance relationship), she would just be wasting her time, which she could spend on moving on in a healthy way. As I said, she did the right thing.

[fearoflove]

Duh fawk? What do you have to lose by "hanging around"? You win both ways. How long has this guy been "not sure". If it has been like a few days then cut him a break. His love isn't strong enough? lol love isn't the only glue that binds 2 people.

I talked to him about this since months ago (5 months maybe?). It would probably be awhile (meaning years) at least for him to figure it out. He said he needs "life experience", to get older until he can figure out what he wants out of life.

If love isn't the glue that bind 2 people, I don't know how it can work in our long distance situation. It MUST be love to bring two people together who don't have the luxury of geographical proximity.

[AnnonymousMan]

I talked to him about this since months ago (5 months maybe?). It would probably be awhile (meaning years) at least for him to figure it out. He said he needs "life experience", to get older until he can figure out what he wants out of life.

If love isn't the glue that bind 2 people, I don't know how it can work in our long distance situation. It MUST be love to bring two people together who don't have the luxury of geographical proximity.

What I ment by love not binding 2 people is that love sometimes doesn't even play a part in breaking up and never talking to each other again. You said he must not love you enough which isn't a valid explanation for his motives. 5 months is BS btw.

[searock]

So you would have to wait for years while he f*cks around and has his "life experiences"? It's obvious that he doesn't really want to be with you, otherwise he would have bought a ticket to come live where you live already. You are young, you need your life experiences as well, and hanging onto a dim distant hope of someday, maybe, moving closer to a guy that didn't even put the effort in your relationship in the first place is NOT a good way to spend your time.

[fearoflove]

So you would have to wait for years while he f*cks around and has his "life experiences"? It's obvious that he doesn't really want to be with you, otherwise he would have bought a ticket to come live where you live already. You are young, you need your life experiences as well, and hanging onto a dim distant hope of someday, maybe, moving closer to a guy that didn't even put the effort in your relationship in the first place is NOT a good way to spend your time.

No, I don't think what he meant by "life experience" is ****ing around with other people. I think he meant it by being older. We can't live in the same location right now because we are both in school. It won't be possible until in a few years.

[searock]

It's not important what exactly he meant - the point is that he wants to be SINGLE in order to have those life experiences. Single = not in a relationship with you. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. So yes, you are doing the right thing by cutting him off from your life. You need to move on.

[HeartIsAching]

love isn't the only glue that binds 2 people.

Silk doesn't leave marks.

[fearoflove]

It's not important what exactly he meant - the point is that he wants to be SINGLE in order to have those life experiences. Single = not in a relationship with you. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. So yes, you are doing the right thing by cutting him off from your life. You need to move on.

I am so sad right now. I got my hopes up when he was putting so much effort in the relationship. He makes/initiates consistant contact, visits me as much as he can alhtough gas is expensive, never gets angry at me, pay for dates, and a good listener. Why would he do all that stuff?

He doesn't push me for sex. Doesn't seem like he wants anything from me other than my companionship.

[RipVanWinkleX]

I am so sad right now. I got my hopes up when he was putting so much effort in the relationship. He makes/initiates consistant contact, visits me as much as he can alhtough gas is expensive, never gets angry at me, and a good listener. Why would he do all that stuff?

Don't be sad. Think of it as a new and exciting things. You may find someone near by who is almost like your ex. Never give up hope.

[fearoflove]

Don't be sad. Think of it as a new and exciting things. You may find someone near by who is almost like your ex. Never give up hope.

Thanks. I am just utterly confused. I can't think straight because of all the emotions boiling inside of me.