I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I'm 30 and he's 39. We live togethor. To everyone else we seem like 'the perfect couple.' My parents love him. My brothers love him. All our friends and neighbours think we're 'great togethor.' Everyone assumes we'll get married and live happily ever after. Except the one thing none of them know is that things aren't so perfect. Despite being supposedly in our prime, we hardly ever have sex. The trouble is, there wasn't much sex to begin with. Now, I have a high sex drive and like to be passionate with my man, but he is the complete opposite. Our relationship, to start with, was not based on passion or romance, but on friendship, companionship and good conversation. I always felt that we could develop the 'passion' side of the relationship. I suggested many things in bed. Unfortunately, he was stubborn and would say "don't tell me what to do, I know how to please a woman." Except, he didn't. He didn't understand about foreplay, about kissing, touching, sensuality, lovemaking. With him, sex was practical and mechanical. There was never any stimulation for me, so I had to buy sex toys, which was the only way I could come. Over time I became frustrated that he refused to talk about foreplay etc. Gradually, sex became less and less frequent. A few times I would try to initiate things but he would say he's had too much to drink, or, it was 'too early' to 'go to bed'. He would wake up in the morning and masterbate himself whilst I lay in bed next to him. I'm open minded and didn't mind occasionally but when it happens everyday I started to feel rejected and insulted that he would masterbate rather than have sex with me, his girlfriend. Feeling undesired and unwanted was so depressing and made me feel like we were living like brother and sister rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. This affected every aspect of the relationship and I felt that we had no intimacy and no special bond. Meanwhile, at work, there was a guy who started showing interest in me. I really fancied him but tried to ignore my feelings for a long time because I wanted to try and make things work with my boyfriend. However, after months of trying and failing to improve the situation, I told him I wanted us to seperate and to give each other time and space to figure out what we wanted. Due to financial reasons, I could not move out so I moved into the spare room. He was devastated and couldn't understand how the break up came 'out of the blue.' This annoyed me because it wasn't out of the blue and we'd had problems for many months, except that he refused to admit that there were problems. He wanted to bury his head in the sand. Even after breaking up, he still carried on pretending to his friends and family that we were still togethor, Meanwhile, I began seeing the male colleague who had been flirting with me for months. It was passionate, beautiful, wonderful, to finally be with a man who wanted me and desired me, as much as I wanted and desired him. To be with someone and not to feel like every minute is another battle. He gave me everything that was missing in my previous relationship. We were using contraception but I became pregnant very quickly and unexpectedly. Suddenly things seemed very certain, I would move out of my ex's place and start a new life with my new man. However, my parents were giving me hell for the fact that I had 'betrayed' my 'perfect boyfriend of 2 years' and was 'running into the arms' of a 'working class dweeb'. But a few days before I was due to move out, I skidded on ice and had car crash (no other cars involved luckily) and while I was unharmed, I sadly had a miscarriage at 11 weeks pregnant. At the time, due to a combination of hormones, extreme emotions, confusion, exhaustion and parental pressure, my ex boyfriend convinced me to come back to him and give things another try, he promised that things would change. It's been three weeks since the miscarriage and I'm now in limbo. My ex has been telling everyone we are back togethor and he is acting like nothing ever happened (he knows about the miscarriage). There's been no intimacy or affection between us, we are just like housemates. Meanwhile I've been thinking of my lover and missing him as he's been away looking after a farm for the last two weeks. I managed to visit him twice and we shared some beautiful moments togethor. Over the Christmas period all my family, parents, uncles, aunts, were all saying how I have to make things work with my ex, and that I have to give the relationship another go. They all love him and think he's Prince Charming, but even when I tell them about all the problems in the relationship they still don't seem to care how unhappy I was with him. Its as if I am the one with the problem and he can do no wrong. Meanwhile, after meeting my new boyfriend for about 10 mins, they all decided they don't like him, and that he's 'nothing' compared to my ex. They say that because he's from a council estate and speaks 'like a commoner' (even though he's a talented graphic designer with a good job and his own house) that he's 'not good enough' for me and he'll 'always be out of place at social events and dinner parties.' This really upset me as he has a good heart and is a kind and gentle man, and maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but I believe love can cut through social barriers. Now I feel in an impossible situation. Do I choose my ex, who appears to everyone else to be 'Prince Charming', nice house, nice car, good salary, well spoken, tall, handsome, socially confident, with many good points but essentially stubborn, argumentative,overweight, passionless and sexually unresponsive. But hey it would keep everyone else happy.... OR do I choose my new lover.... who appears to those on the outside as a short, balding, low-paid, socially awkward man from a council estate, but who infact is passionate, tender, wise, sensitive, caring, romantic, super fit, creative, artistic, loving, but risk the fact that my family will always resent me for choosing him over my ex. I realise I have written alot but I felt that I had to give the whole story, to give the situation context. Basically if I get back with my ex, even though I do love him, I can't imagine anything changing in terms of the lack of sex and intimacy. I think he'd be quite happy to stay togethor with very little passion or intimacy. He's not a bad person, he has a lot of good points, but he's incredibly stubborn and unwilling to recognise any problems. He sees normal intimacy as a currency with which to barter, if I ask for a back rub he'd say "only if you do x y & z". I can understand every relationship is about give and take but its so frustrating when every little thing becomes a currency with which to barter. With my new lover, all these things come naturally, we give pleasure to each other because it feels good to make the other person happy. I'm so confused. My head and my heart are telling me different things. I can't think straight, and the pressure from my family is overwhelming. Any advice would be very welcome.