Have a girlfriend, and a crush for another girl.

[JasonRain]

Let's start this shall we.

I met my girlfriend and things have been great for like, a year. Then things starts going downhill when she was seeing someone else behind my back. I knew it too. Constant texts when I'm there. She's meeting a specific someone else instead of hanging with me in the weekends. She lied to be about her whereabouts when I tried to go meet up with her. I knew who it was as well. Long story short, after like 3-4 weeks, she came clean. Talked to me about it. Wasn't the best feeling in the world. I thought she wouldn't do such a thing. I trusted her. What's worse is that afterwards, she kept seeing that person, and lied to me. Even changed the name on her for so when I ask her who she's texting, she said it was her best friend...

And she came clean again. And that time, she stayed clean. I took her back. Which I think was a dumb move but, I love her.

Problem now. On my first year of uni, which is when I start long distance relationship with me girlfriend. 3 months have passed, and things were, alright. We're trying our best. When I got back to uni after new years 2012, I found out I got a free week, so I went back home and surprised my girlfriend. After an incident, I found out she's not that girl I used to know. She even told me that she was thinking of breaking up with me the 'next' time I come back. And so, I broke up with her.

After that, she's been texting, calling me, and beg me to take her back, for about 2 weeks straight since I'm back at uni. I felt relieved. And also, I felt that I was missing something. But I tried to get over it, by drinking with me friends. Hanging with them. Spend more time with them. But my mind wanders. I developed a crush on someone. Though she would never, EVER, get with me. It's a given fact. The hints, and all, it's just so obvious. But I can't help but keep having this crush.

One day my ex called, asking me if we were ever getting back together. I hesitated, and that's when she said she'd like to meet someone else cause she knows there's a person who'd love to go out with her. That moment, I snapped. I said no, whilst I was crying. That moment when I knew there's no going back, it was awful. Long story short, she cried too, and decided to wait for me. That's what she said.

Things remained ambiguous between us until summer when we patched things up and got back together.

Thanks for reading so long. Just a bit more.

Now the problem is, my girlfriend knows I have this crush. But I told her it was nothing. It was just a crush when I was single and I told her nothing would ever EVER happen. Well, the latter's true. I still have this, major crush on this girl. I only told my girlfriend it's nothing cause she's quite an insecure person. You see, when a person's cheated on someone, they fear that one day the other person would do the same to her. Which in my case, would never happen cause I'm not a cheater. I physically, can't.

Which leads to my point, I know my girlfriend hasn't exactly been the best but I love her. Therefore, I would like to get over my crush who is sweet, gentle, generous, and awfully pretty. She and I share a module. She and I are part of this module group buddies thing. So I see her quite often.

Please help me find a way to get rid of this crush thing. She's awfully nice so I can't exactly hate her. Thanks for reading this.

[eksink]

I dated someone for three years once. He had a hold on me... something almost magnetic. He slowly took over my job, my schooling, my habits, my friends, my dreams, my emotions, and (ultimately) my life. I believed I loved he and he believed he loved me. I had my wedding dress on in a bridal shop ready for he and I to start a life together. He was all I ever had... but then I developed a crush. The crush, in the end, was nothing, but it was just the doubt I needed to see that my boyfriend- the guy I thought I loved and wanted to marry- was no good for me. I realized that for years I had felt guilty for his own failures and was nothing more than a china doll and scapegoat to an emotionally handicapped ass. I realized that I deserved to be treated better- even if that meant dating many many other people in the future. I realized I needed, wanted, and deserved more than I had gotten for three years of my life. I left him and I have never been happier about any decision I've made.

I can't make you decide anything. I can't give you that epiphany I had. All I can tell you is that no person deserves to be the doormat to any other's boot. If you have a crush, leave your girlfriend and chase her. if it turns out to be nothing, that will be ok. If you don't want to chase your crush, then at least leave your girlfriend and chase yourself. Find out what makes you happy and find what you think you deserve. You will never know how wonderful you can feel if you stay the same. It's like Plato's cave- You can either stay and live with the same problems and the same knowledge forever, or you can leave the cave (your relationship) and explore new territory.

Leave the cave. The world is too beautiful for that dungeon.