need advice! help! im pregnant, don't know what to do

**bcgirl** · 13-01-13, 01:30 PM

^ yes, he needs to learn a tough lesson so next time he'll know that cheating comes with big consequences.
But how can you at 44 yrs old get pregnant with a man that you knew was cheating in a country that is very religious??
Even if you tell his family, it's HIS family and you are just a mere stranger. They will most likely think you are a old whore who manipulated their son with sex and got knocked up on purpose and its probably not his baby. It's his word against yours. With the gf, I would just write her on FB with respect just saying that you wanted to let her know her bf has been cheating and proof so that the bf can't make up some clever lie.

**smackie9** · 14-01-13, 02:19 AM

This is a prime example of how hypocritical religious beliefs are. "Oh you couldn't possibly have an abortion" but you can have a sexual affair with another woman's BF out of wedlock...give me a f uckin break. You all are being a bunch of tools here. Pack you bags, go to another counrty to have it done. And stop being the moral police. It's not your duty to report this to his family, your family or anyone's family or his GF. Him cheating on her is their problem not yours. You will be marred as a skanky slut and have a big letter A stitched on yourself before you know it. Stop playing the victim here...you made the stupid choice to have sex with this dude, without birth control.

**bcgirl** · 14-01-13, 03:13 AM

It doesn't matter if your Ob refuses to give you an abortion. Is an abortion is legal in your country or not ? You are fighting against time here and if you choose to get it done (which u should) you need to get it sorted out ASAP. As for telling his family, no it's not gunna go well. Telling his gf is another story. It can stop another child from entering this world. If she is planning on living happily ever after with this douche, she has a right to know before she ends up pregnant too or catch a life threatening std.

**smackie9** · 14-01-13, 03:32 AM

This was said best : William Congreve, in The Mourning Bride, 1697:

As you'll answer it, take heed
This Slave commit no Violence upon
Himself. I've been deceiv'd. The Publick Safety
Requires he should be more confin'd; and none,
No not the Princes self, permitted to
Confer with him. I'll quit you to the King.
Vile and ingrate! too late thou shalt repent
The base Injustice thou hast done my Love:
Yes, thou shalt know, spite of thy past Distress,
And all those Ills which thou so long hast mourn'd;
Heav'n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd,
Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd.

**smackie9** · 14-01-13, 03:34 AM

I bet money on it she will be pissed for awhile, but miss him and forgive him.....he will get away with it no matter what is done.

**im depressed** · 14-01-13, 06:00 AM

yes you are right smackie9, he will get away with this no matter what has been done...
i was cheated here though i cant combat my feelings for him..but i dont want to end the story plunging as a loser although it really is. suffering all the consequence which is initially created by him... so come what may but i will do let her gf know about what his bf had done. yes, pissing her off for awhile but still the gf's trust i think will break. and as for my cheater bf, leaving him problematic even for awhile..... at least im not alone....

**bcgirl** · 14-01-13, 06:04 AM

Originally Posted by smackie9

I bet money on it she will be pissed for awhile, but miss him and forgive him.....he will get away with it no matter what is done.

It doesn't matter. Yes this can very well happen, so be it. But at least she will be in a relationship knowing her bf is a cheater and her decision to stay with one is at her will. A simple msg on FB is enough and shouldnt become a huge ordeal for the op. It will just open up a can of beans between the gf and the douche bag bf so she isn't living a life of deception. If she decides to marry him and have his kids after this, fine. But at least it's better than getting married, having kids only to find out her husbands infidelity afterwards. Good karma will come back to you.

Most ppl would want to know if their spouse is cheating. Cheating can result to so many things like life threatening std's. If we can prevent something like this to happen, then it's a good thing instead of turn a blind eye and say "it's not my business". If u saw a man looking at kiddie porn even if it ain't your business, would u not report it?

**im depressed** · 14-01-13, 06:04 AM

this us really hard for me to decide, whether to go through an abortion or let it live.... until now i still cant decide.... but on the other side, if ever i continue with this pregnancy, do i have the right to get financial support? and if i choose to abort this, does he have to know?

**im depressed** · 14-01-13, 06:12 AM

letting him know about me going to an abortion, ask him also for financial expense, i will not be the one who will be experiencing guiltness...

**bcgirl** · 14-01-13, 06:28 AM

If u keep the baby, he needs to pay child support. But you shouldn't keep the baby considering the circumstances. A child should grow up in a secure environment, not to a single mother who doesn't have money and isn't emotionally stable due to stress and bf issues.

**bcgirl** · 14-01-13, 06:29 AM

Originally Posted by im depressed

letting him know about me going to an abortion, ask him also for financial expense, i will not be the one who will be experiencing guiltness...

I really think he would want u to get an abortion. He doesn't want any part of this. But do not keep a baby just in spite of him and to make him suffer. Because in the end of it, it's your life and what's best for you

**Beenthere** · 14-01-13, 06:56 AM

im depressed, all the people above make good sense, and if you were reading your message as an outsider, I am sure you would give the same advice. However, as much as we all want to help you, an abortion for any potential mother, especially soneone who is already a mum must be the most horrendous thought. You need to speak to a professional. If you believe your doctor is going to give you biased advise, based on religion, go to a neutral counsellor and talk over it first. If its something you want to do after that, get someone to help you make the arrangements. Find someone you can trust, a friend, a family member. Everyone is mentioning what your grown up kids would think... well i think, as much as they might be horrified at the thoughts of their mum getting some action.. they would also be horrified that you didnt give them a chance to be there for you during this awful experience. They are adults, and if you havent got a friend/ relative you can confide in and you think one or more of them can handle it, I am sure they would want to be by their mums side.

Regarding your boyfriend.. I am sure he loved the fun of your time together.. but if he really wanted to dump his girlfriend he'd do it. It takes 2 seconds to say 'Im breaking up with you'... and maybe a week of calls and texts for his g/f to accept it. I think you need to move on from this relationship as soon as you can.

Dont be afraid, pick up the phone and get help, time is not on your side with this one.

**AdminOnline** · 14-01-13, 07:03 AM

does this dude have the finance mean to support you & the baby? my guess is he barely have any . but i might be wrong.
furthermore, i doubt he is even ready to get married..

Get an answer from the dude immediately. See what is his response.

Fix this ASAP! It will not be good if you drag it too long.

**im depressed** · 14-01-13, 08:22 AM

thanks for understanding me on how im feeling towards the abortion matter.... and yes, i will seek the help of a neutral counsellor.... your advice made my mind sound clear. although with regards to my cheater bf, i cant take the fact to leave him not to suffer any consequence since we both did it.
thanks a lot and i appreciate your time and effort reading and giving advice.

**smackie9** · 14-01-13, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by im depressed

yes you are right smackie9, he will get away with this no matter what has been done...
i was cheated here though i cant combat my feelings for him..but i dont want to end the story plunging as a loser although it really is. suffering all the consequence which is initially created by him... so come what may but i will do let her gf know about what his bf had done. yes, pissing her off for awhile but still the gf's trust i think will break. and as for my cheater bf, leaving him problematic even for awhile..... at least im not alone....

Yes you were cheated, but you stayed with him and so will his GF.

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