need advice! help! im pregnant, don't know what to do

[im depressed]

I met this 31 y/o single & unattached man in a dating website last early march 2012. At first I'm not interested because he was too young for me, by the way i'm 44, a widow with grown up kids. Luckily, i don't look like old....people say i look like in my early 30's. I discourage him because of our age gap. But he is so insistent in courting me telling that age doesn't matter to him. And maybe because i find him nice and sweet, he became my boyfriend end of march..a constant chatmate, exchanging text messages, calls at random time especially at night and until wee hours in the morning. We both had our own business at home so we do a lot of communication from time to time. And from there, some feelings grow more. The following month, April, first time we personally met....then we do date every once, twice a month..and still, everyday we communicate...felt d love from him as i fall in love with him...
Come the 2nd week of sept, after scrutinizing his mother's facebook account, i saw an fb joint name bearing his nickname and a girl's name...upon checking thouroughly, i felt that he is my bf so i immediately contacted him and ask about what i saw. At first, he was in silence but i insisted an answer, he replied that it was the account created by her gf bearing their both nickname so it was confirmed that he had a gf which is younger than him and they were going steady for 3 yrs coming Jan.15, 2013. At that time, i asked him for a breakup but he doesnt want me to leave him and said he loves me so much and not his gf. He asked me to give him 2 months for him to break up with his gf. And because i love him so I gave him a chance, even loving him hurts me a lot ... our relationship continues. The same relationship as we were before but there were petty quarrels involved because i used to get jealous.
But 2 months had passed, no breakups had happen between him and the girl because according to him he had no courage to tell her and pitied her and also found out that their relationship is known through their friends and relatives; ours is a secret one... At this time only I realized that he fooled me now that i am deeply engrossed in love with him.
Now, my big problem lies here, i am pregnant going to 7 weeks fetus.. i thought i wont be because i am already 44. I told him about this and he still want to keep it a secret until the baby come out. I, too, want to keep this secret from my children and my relatives and my late husband's relative because it will be a very big burden for me especially I am so stress now. We went to an Ob-gyne doctor last Jan. l0 and told us that i am at high-risk pregnancy.....I asked him to get rid of his gf and tell his relative about me but he doesn't want to. Maybe because he can't hurt his gf or still love her, i don't know because he used to tell me that he doesn't love his gf anymore... or maybe because he had no courage to tell his friends and relatives because he will be blame by everyone that he is very unfaithful. He is so very undecisive and confused... From then, i noticed his quite coldness, until i confronted him why he is acting that way and told me that he losses his love for me a month after i learmed about his gf and that was last October 2012... i was deeply hurt so i cried and cried in front of him, out of nowhere he said sorry for what he said which is not true, he said he loves me still...He told me also that if i will tell it to his relatives, everything will be disordered and he might be gone and away so i might not see him anymore. So i kept in silence again because i don't want him to be gone.
Now, what i feel is, he is just pretending that he loves me so that i may not tell his sister and relatives that i am pregnant.... what shall i do? I am thinking of letting his sister know what his brother have done to me without him knowing it and also to let his gf know too that his bf is unfaithful...i know i will be in the losing end in any way so to get even with him, i want him also to suffer the consequence... Is this the right thing to do or will i just have to keep silent? I still love him and i think i can't live without him but i know he is not in love with me anymore he is just concern with the baby that is why he still in contact with me.... What shall i do?

[basilandthyme]

This guy doesn't know what he wants and is unwilling to make a decision. Meanwhile, you're giving him far too much say in what you do with your life.

I suggest you terminate both the relationship and the pregnancy. And tattling is for school children - leave his family and girlfriend out of this. Just walk away from the whole mess.

[Bibi]

I agree with basilandthyme. Save yourself some dignity and walk away.

[ashley89]

having this baby would be a total mistake... basilandthyme is right, end both before it becomes a huge mess

[smackie9]

OMG you are 44 years old? You think like an immature 20 year old. For one you are too old to have babies so abort the pregnancy (get your tubes tied as well). Secondly you need to have a reality check, guys will do and say anything to get sex...I thought for sure at your age you would understand this by now. You must be weak, lonely and desperate. Dear speaking as a middle aged woman myself, don't date guys that young. Find yourself a nice single divorced man that is around your age. This has been quite a lesson for you. Just get it done and don't speak of it again....start fresh.

[AdminOnline]

At your age, it is indeed a high risk pregnancy. Your life might be at stake. You might even lose your life. Your baby have a higher chance of been abnormal or having other health issues.

Like what basilandthyme had suggested, it is best to end all these quick. Don't drag it too long or you will have trouble cleaning up the mess later on.

[im depressed]

dear everyone,

i indeed appreaciate the time and effort you have rendered in reading and replying to my message. thank you.

its easy to say but hard to do..
i am carrying a life, blood of the person i love... and i think he will not agree of getting rid of my pregnancy because he wanted me to take good care of the baby... and i myself could not think of killing a life.

now, i am more confused...

[smackie9]

So it's OK with you to raise a kid with down syndrome on your own at the age of 44 huh?

[AdminOnline]

dear everyone,

i indeed appreaciate the time and effort you have rendered in reading and replying to my message. thank you.

its easy to say but hard to do..
i am carrying a life, blood of the person i love... and i think he will not agree of getting rid of my pregnancy because he wanted me to take good care of the baby... and i myself could not think of killing a life.

now, i am more confused...

i would not agree with abortion too but looking at your age.. it is so dangerous!
i hope the outcome is you are safe & the baby is healthy too.

very tricky situation for you.

You need serious thinking over this...maybe with own family members and the guy's close relatives..
you cannot hide this from everyone forever.

[im depressed]

i have read several issues over the net, there are some cases of down syndrome and some had a successful delivery of a normal baby... i dont want something bad will happen to my baby like a down syndrome matter but what if i am one of the lucky 44 y/o mother who can deliver a normal one? still its stressful to think and decide....thanks for d concern

[bcgirl]

You have grown children. This baby won't just affect you, but your kids as well. What kind of example will you be setting for your children when they witness mommy getting accidentally knocked up at 44 yrs old without a baby daddy?
Also with your age there are higher risks of complications, add into consideration the amount of stress with being a single mom and going through a break up at your age and having to do it all yourself will definitely add to a retarded baby.
Get an abortion and forget about the douche bag of a bf. I would also be telling his gf about her douche bag bf because she does have a right to know.

[AdminOnline]

yes. there is chances of health complication for you after giving birth at your age..


your case remind me of my aunt who give birth to a baby girl around mid 40s too.
things are fine after giving birth..
but a month or two later, she feel pain around her bottom half of her sexual organ sector.. (i am not exactly sure where)

report reveal she has cancer cells...

the rest is history.. she pass away after battling with the cancer for nearly 10years..

[im depressed]

bcgirl,
thanks for responding about telling his gf about it... and i think it will be of a great mess to my bf's life.. as well to his gf.

[bcgirl]

It's not about the mess it will cause to the gf and bf. But it's about morals and principals. She should know that her bf is a cheating bastard before she ends up marrying and having children with this guy thinking everything is perfect but living a lie. What if she finds out later down the road after marriage and kids? How messy would that be? Just like you wanted to know that you had a cheating bf when you saw his pic on FB.

[im depressed]

but here in our country which is a catholic one, i think my ob will not recommend such abortion. if in any case it should be that way, must i tell his relatives about what happen? yes i admit that i felt mad with what he had done to me... such fooling a woman and his gf... if no one knew about it, dont you think he might do it again with another woman?