End of my tether !!!

[Lastchncesaloon]

Not really sure where to begin, looking for advice as this is pretty much tearing me apart... Which is odd you think there had been cheating or physical abuse or something of that magnitude to cause this but nothing like that, this happens when I least expect it, 3-4 am in the morning when I'm meant to enjoy being in bed with my wife.

I am 30, male, been married 18 months, have bought a house and a puppy.. I have never said no to my wife about anything ... She picked our house, dog type, etc everything... Basically I give up any personal choice to see her happy.

My issue is the way she treats me back., it is 4am and I found this site after a blazing row that happens to be a very regular occurrence. She has complained about my snoring, so I bought a mouth guard to stop it, yet she still wakes me in the night crying, screaming and talking to herself about me!! And the things that she says are nothing short of cruel!! Things like, your a fat lazy pig.. I can't believe I married someone so ugly, my dead mum warned me about you, I should have kids by now if I was with a real man... Now this goes on for hours as I lie there silently... The insults get much much worse and increasingly cruel until she lashes out psychically( not always at me to be fair) .. If I complain I'm called a spoiled brat, a real man wouldn't moan etc etc. I try to sleep on the couch but she shouts a married couple shouldn't do that... Basically I'm between a rock and a wall, there is no reasoning with her or pacifying her.. And to clear up the points she makes incase you feel it may be my fault. I am 6ft 1, 16stone., I would be happy to loose s stone but I'm not this whale that she describes. I have never said no to trying for kids although now I'm starting to worry what it will be like., we haven't tried because my wife is unwell just now.

Maybe my real question is why do I stay with someone who treats me like this ., or is there any way back from a place where your spouse has no respect for you and more resentment that I've ever seen in anyone!

Please help me

[rob1984]

hey buddy, sorry for your bad luck, how was her upbringing and previous relationships ? By her saying she needs a real man, She wants you to take control... by you always saying Yes, is not good.. shows you are a push over, she can walk all over you whenever she feels like it. Remember you are the dominate male, thing about the wild when males fight for the female.. this is almost the same, you have to learn to say NO! You also have to communicate with her. If you do not agree with something say So, she will finally feel in a relationship and protected by you.. if she wanted a woman she would have been a lesbian.. just being honest.

[Lastchncesaloon]

It ends up in more fighting, she is a control freak and my ease of letting her have anything is due to her being an only child and never before in a serious long term relationship is just for an easy life... We never fight unless she starts one. I am very good at debate Nd arguing and explaining my feelings accurately.. Problem is the selfishness, if I mention something she is doing that hurts me, "I'm putting her down apparently" "effecting her mood" a lot of the time she will say "I was fine before you said that" when my answer is a retaliation.,, She has no comprehension of her own actions, only sees my reply as me being ( then insults start) ...

[rob1984]

yeah i get that, my wife is the baby, however she is almost 13 years younger then her older sibling, so she was rotten spoiled, big time.. she had bf's in the past she controlled, said jump they would say how high. when she met me, i was never like this, she tried and tried and nothing. She started to appreciate that, your best bet is to keep doing that, if she does not want to change... then you have some thinking to do. My wife has an issue with possessiveness, she always needs attention, ( read my thread ) we had our bumps on the road but i am very rational... Your wife seems like a big child.. how old is she ? how was her relationship at home ?

[Lastchncesaloon]

She is 30, and a complete hypocrite calls me a wee boy, etc, needs to grow up all the time... It's awful, she is cold and not attentive atall. I don't remember the last time she came and gave me a kiss or a hug, and anything I try is met with a feeling that I'm bothering her. Sex is usually arranged, like we could maybe go to bed together soon.. Instead of anyone initiating., and then it's not often, maybe once in 2-3 months?

Really dunno what to do . I don't know why I stay,,,, usual answer is because of the good times but there are none I can remember., tonight's argument finished with her blurting out mid debate, oh my god your so ugly! My retort was "that depends who you ask" which was probably wrong but I am a good looking guy and I have told many a girl I'm sorry I'm married., so I feel a little justified but I just want her to stop what she does.. Or to find a way for me to leave painlessly.. More scared of the pain of breaking I think., my last relationship was 4years and finished with her leaving me for my friend. I have been with my wife s total of 8 years...

[rob1984]

yeah, you are definately in a sticky situation, I personally would leave, however I never tell anyone else to do this, not for me to say, the way I see it.. if you are this upset.. think of your future a year or so to get over it or sooner.. or the rest of your life going through this. at 30 yrs old, she is who she is.. if you have been with her for 8 years.. has it always been like this ?

[Lastchncesaloon]

Yea, she is just getting progressively worse... Part of her usual argument does involve her saying she's leaving. Oh and things like "I could have done so much better than you" etc... Bug I am too easy for forgiving, she will come to me and say I don't like arguing.. Ill say me neither and it stops, til next time . It's effecting my work too, I have to be at the office in 3.5 hours, I've slept from 1.30 to 3 and its now 5am and I'm too wound up to sleep! Plus couch is freezing, is put the fire on but then she would shout in the morning about wasting money she has to pay half of it blah blah... I have no idea how I haven't snapped and done anything silly before, she has hit me but I've never lifted a finger to a girl and Im sure I never would but she pushes me so far!!!

[rob1984]

look man, i never tell people to leave, and I won't, but If I were You, i know what I would do.. you seem like a chill and calm dude. Good Luck and think of your future. since there's no kids involved this should be easier

[Lastchncesaloon]

Thanks rob

[michelle23]

Nobody deserves to be treated this way. This is emotional abuse and nobody should be hurt or disrespected this much by their partner. She sounds unhappy and takes it out on you and blames you for everything. I suggest you leave for a month to let her no if this continues you will divorce her and dont agree to go back unless she agrees to marriage counselling.
You cannot carry on like this. It will destroy you eventually.