Need Help: A girl with a boyfriend that said she really likes me

[Marius]

so during the past month and a half I've been talking to this girl. It started casually as friends but we have become really dependent on each other. We chat or hang out constantly and she got to know me really well, as have I

while hanging out she told me she was very upset about something, we kissed while I was trying to make her feel better. We both didn't want it to happen as she has a boyfriend.

we agreed that we would spend at least a week apart so she can sort her thoughts out, but we didn't manage to and after the first day we were talk to talking almost constantly. A couple of days ago she told me she really likes me but it's not possible to just break a two year old relationship, so we agreed to stay friends, despite being friends we still talk/hangout constantly and act pretty much the same as we did before, just a bit less flirting.

I have just lost with what I should be doing, should I move on, or wait for her? This is the first girl in 2 years I really felt a strong connection with

PS: She doesn't or barely mentions me to her boyfriend, and doesn't call me/talk whenever he friends are around, but doesn't stop when they aren't around

What should I do (

[Rowen]

Let me ask you this, before I comment on anything else here... What did you honestly expect to happen?

The fact of the matter is that, in situations like this, the person shouldn't expect that person to just up and leave their boyfriend/girlfriend. That speaks to your respect of the person you like...
I've been in your shoes last summer, honestly.

The guy I'm currently attempting to put together a relationship with confessed to me last summer that he really likes me (This was while he was dating his ex). In the end, I stepped aside because I felt it was wrong to expect him to leave. It wasn't for the purpose of manipulation. I did it because I wanted him to be happy, and I knew the entire "should I stay or should I go" debate in his mind was tearing him apart, despite the fact his ex was running around on him and treating him horribly. Bottom line: You can't expect someone to break up to suit your desires. You have to think of the entire situation- about everyone involved. Would you like it if you dated her for two years and another man wanted her to dump you to be with him? Nine times out of ten, I would think not.

If you truly respect her, step aside and be platonic friends. Don't flirt with her. Don't kiss her, for God sake. Don't do anything but be a friend she can lean on if she needs someone. And if she can't handle that? Then you need to cut her out of your life because she's going to keep drawing you into drama. The fact that she's even confessed this to you and kissed you is cheating, like Corey did even if his boyfriend was horrible. It's wrong. By stepping aside, you're demonstrating that you can act like a grown up and not try to steal her. In turn, you never know what may happen... She may come back. She may not. I was lucky enough that Corey came back to me after he broke up with his boyfriend because he knew I respected him and wanted to treat him right. However, you need to accept the fact that she may never come back. You need to accept that it's probably over- whatever this is- for the two of you. You can't wait around hoping. You HAVE TO move on.

It's unhealthy for this to continue, and it's also wrong. She's with him, buddy... Let her go. If one day she comes back to you, great...but don't wait. Just move forward. What's meant to be will be.

I hope that all makes sense; I was trying to make sure I got all of my thoughts in... :S

[Marius]

I know a lot about Platonic Love and that is what I wanted from her until a better solution was available. She was in a bad state when we kissed and we both regretted it after.

I don't want to let her go, but her relationship and happiness is more important to me. I want nothing more than to be with her but again I do respect her decision and won't force her into a decision she doesn't want, you can't build a solid relationship if the ground is already wobbly anyway.

What scares me is I just can't move on, I even told her and she accepted but is still making an effort to talk to me when I don't, tell me she dreams about me every day, spends time with me, more or less treating me like her bf.

What's even worse is she knows she is doing the wrong thing but covers it as if it's the right thing. She won't mention me to her bf, won't call me/text when she is around friends.

I refuse to be the guy that fills the holes left open by her bf, but it doesn't feel that that is what she wants

What am I suppose to do? Ignore her completely until she gets the message, than what? Just keep her out of my life forever? Why would I let her back in?

[michelle23]

If she leaves him for you-there is a 1% chance you will stay together. 99%chance you will be a rebound. Stay away from her and get on with your life. Youve already ctossed a line and its unfair to her bf. Also if she cheats with you-dhell cheat on you

[basilandthyme]

There's no sense in waiting if she says she can't end the relationship. I also think it's questionable to continue as friends because you no longer have 'just friendship' feelings towards her.

I suggest you pull right back. But do let her know that if she finds herself single - and if you are also still single - you'd like to give it a try.

[Rowen]

You've stated that you can't move on. If that's the case- that she doesn't allow you too- you need to DEMAND your space. Get away from her. I know you tried, but you need to be firm and tell her exactly how much it hurts to have her so close like that when you KNOW you can't have her. DEMAND your space. If she can't give you that space after that, then you need to cut her out of your life because she's dragging you into her drama and obviously isn't considering how you feel. BE FIRM. I know it'll hurt, but don't talk to her. Don't let her talk to you. Get your space and get the hell over her. You can't wait around forever.

Yes, I'll admit that, even though it's hard to make me cry, I actually cried a few times behind the wheel after I let Corey go... It was tough, and I wanted to text him every god damn day. But you know what? I limited my contact with him, and he gave me my space because I was firm on how I felt about the entire situation. We talked a few times, being there for each other, but neither of us allowed it to go back to how it was because we KNEW it was wrong and we respected each other too much to let it come to that again. Bottom line: I was firm about how I felt when I told him I was stepping aside, and you need to be firm with her. You need to express EXACTLY how you feel about this situation- that it's like dangling a sandwich in front of a hungry hobo- a glass of water just out of reach in the middle of the Sahara. BE FIRM.

In the end, if you're firm and confess how you feel and tell her that you absolutely-posi-god damn-tively need your space and she can't give you that, you need to get rid of her from your life. I say that because if she respects you and honestly cares for you, she'll give you the space you need after you're firm with her. That's one of the indicators, looking back, that told me Corey honestly cares about me and doesn't want me to get hurt. If she can't do it, you need to move on by cutting her out. It's that simple.