i love and care about this guy but im confused about what i want from the relationship. i've been seeing him for almost a year now and have spent almost every weekend together. we'd text each other everyday just to say hi and how our day was going. in the beginning, we both were going through a rough patch in life and were each others comfort and support. he became my friend. we had no intention of being in a relationship but simply good company. of course, we were sleeping with each other too. over time, feelings grew and i fell in love with him. despite his mental issues, narcotic (med) dependency, and narcissist personality, he grew on me and i was able to see pass his flaws. i accepted and appreciated him for who he was. i saw the good in him. He on the other hand, i wish i could say he felt the same. dont get me wrong, he cares about me, treats me good. he was like my best friend but was never willing to date me? no one is perfect and yes i have flaws and baggage too but you would think if someone truly loves you for who you are, they would accept you too, right? to make the story short, we tried being in relationship once but it didnt last too long. it was a mutual break up, you can say, but i was actually deeply hurt by it and never told him. we agreed to be friends and continued to live in a sudo world. since the break up, ive distanced my self from him. tried dating other guys but i never really had the time to invest into them. plus i still had feelings for him and could never give myself full to a new guy i just met. Now ive come to a yield sign and am questioning myself about this whole sudo relationship... Things are great the way they are, cant complain. It just I want something real, that i can feel is my significant other. I ask myself, do I want to be in a relationship with him... and honestly, after all the emotional heart aches and stress he put me through, Im scared to go back. Plus he likes things the way they are, he said and doesn't want it to change I truly love him and care about him yet angry he doesn't deserve me. I'm stuck, trapped in a love and hate relationship when were not even an official item. Help!