Is she avoiding me? What should I do? Desperate help needed?

[SeriousGuy]

Hello,
I desperately need your help here.

There is this girl that I see at the library. I fell in love with her the millisecond I saw her, and since I see her everyday it only gets worse. We are total strangers, so I couldn't talk to her. However, she sent me mixed signals.

The first time, I noticed that she was looking at me every now and then (without me looking) this gave me hope.

At a later time, she was getting inside the library and noticed me looking at her. She immediately switched directions and went away. This made me realise that I was just a creepy guy and I tried to force myself to not look at her not even for a second.

However, afterwards, I was at the library busy in my work and I noticed someone looking at me from very far away, and it was my crush.

HOWEVER, a few days later, I was walking by in peace and I saw her. She gave me a really bad look (and I was really messy that day). I realised that she didn't like me. I felt insulted and I bought new clothes, shoes, and I had a haircut (my intention wasn't even to impress her.)

The next day, I was at the library, and after 10 minutes I realised that she was sitting really close to me (this seat was empty, she never sits there, and she left her friends who were still at the same spot where she used to sit).

I didn't talk to her and almost completely ignored her (except for a few glances at her I couldn't help avoid) because I still thought that she didn't like me and I didn't want to bug her or to be considered a creepy guy.

The next day, I noticed her looking at me from far away, more like staring at me, and she got embarrassed when we made eye contact. I didn't attempt to talk to her or anything either that day. '

I tried my best to not look at her, but when she's around I can't help it sometimes.

However, the last 2 days she disappeared. Today I discovered that she was alone very far away, and in a position where I can't see her.

I'm confused. First, if she's not interested in me, why does she keep looking at me (even when I'm far away, and not even knowing she's there)

Second. Was she trying to avoid me by sitting alone so far away where I can't see her? Afterall, I did absolutely nothing to bug her and when she started to sit closer I tried my best to not come in eye contact with her or anything.


I'm extremely sorry for the long message but this is a situation that is ruining my entire life.

[gotnando]

Don't over-think the situation. You're having irrational thoughts. Remember, you're not a mind reader, you don't know what she's really thinking. There could be multiple reasons why she's staring at you. She might think you're cute, or she's wondering why she sees you at the library every day, perhaps she's looking at you because she's wondering why you're always looking at her lol. I would say the staring from afar thing and occasional eye contact is a sign of interest, IMO. It doesn't mean she likes you, it means she notices you. She might want you to talk to her. I think if this girl was turned off by you, or if she was creep'd out, she wouldn't go to the library every day like you do. That's what I think. I would say, break the ice. Build up the courage and initiate a conversation with her if the chance pops up (she's sitting alone or looking for a book, w/e). Don't wait too long to talk to her though - girls lose interest after a while (if she is interested in you, that is). Take a chance and get out there.

Hopefully others more experienced than me in the whole dating scene will pitch in as well. I'm a beginner to the whole dating thing, but I like to observe people in their "natural habitat" lol I've learned a thing or two from watching others.

Also, I just want to add that you shouldn't let what's happening here "ruin your life". Life is incredibly short to live it miserably. Ask yourself, "why is this upsetting me so much?" and go from there. If you're upset because you really want to talk to her and you're sick of being in the sidelines, then you know what you have to do. Take control and taker a risk. When you take risks and you step out of your comfort zone, that's when the wonderful things in life (like meeting someone) happen. I hope I've helped you even a little.

[no-se-nada]

I agree with that guy, she definitely notices you, and she may want you to talk to her. I had a similar experience with a girl at work in a different dept. Whenever I was near the area she worked, she seemed to put herself in a position where we could see each other. When I walked by she would smile, and raise her eyebrows at me. Even I could get it through my thick head that she seemed interested, but I never said anything. Eventually her demeanor changed completely, and she seemed real cold as if she was mad at me for never coming over to talk. So I'd say don't make the mistake I made, and take a chance. At worst, if she says no, you can go to the library at a different time or just avoid being in each others line of sight

[basilandthyme]

So, during all this looking at each other have you ever smiled at her? That's where you start.

[SeriousGuy]

Thanks a lot for your help. If there is a chance I'll try to smile and see how it goes from there. Thanks again.

[Cerby]

Sadly, you're leagues away from even starting to play the game here. Most people consider some idle chatter to be the first step in seeing if you're interested. All you have done here is attempt to interpret a little bit of eye contact to see if someone wants to be with you. Also, I know it is lack of experience, but it is completely counter-intuitive to try and show someone you like them by avoiding them, or looking away when they look at you. Avoidance does not get relationships, and the more you avoid someone, the LESS they will try to get with you.

If you are interested, you need to put on your big boy pants and go and talk to her, magic doesn't just happen, you need to force it.

[SeriousGuy]

Thanks for answering my question..

I think nothing can work given how strange she acts!

A few days ago, after I saw her looking at me (for the 6millionth time), I tried to actually talk to her on our way out, when she saw me she looked the other way (before I could say anything) and went on her way, which made me look like a total creep!

Today, she came and sat less than a meter away from me (and if she really thought I was a creepy guy, she'd try to avoid me, right?) , we had some occasional eye contact, but a few moments later, a friend of hers came, she kept joking with him and laughing really hard, while looking at me every split second (apparently to see my reaction. but I didin't even look back)

So my guess is that either she doesn't like me back, but somehow likes the attention I am giving her, or she just wants tp play hard-to-get. All of which are huge turn offs for me.

And any way, I'm leaving home really soon for a few months, so I might never see her again. So I guess that's the end of it..

But anyway, thanks for your help!

[Superman33]

lets be real , I would be creeped out if someone just stares at me all day long and don;t never say a word to me . thats what serial killers do . now you have to come off as less creepy and go and smile , not a creepy smile but a genuine smile and then spark conversation with her and make it good and then reel her in and ask to take her to get some coffee or some lunch and then move up from there .

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Serial killers are actually pretty apt to come chat with you. This guy still seems creepy.

[Superman33]

are you the girl he be staring at in the library .? lols .

[SeriousGuy]

Superman33 & BackUpOrGetStng - I think I'm past the "being creepy" phase -- If anything, she now looks at me more than I ever did to her,
and she usually leaves a 4-story library and studies a few meters from where I sit, so I really don't think she's crept out, but I wouldn't say that she likes me either.

I really hope she doesn't see this post though, now this would be creepy!

[smackie9]

You know what, instead of creepily popping stares at a girl you like, when you see her looking, smile and give her a wink then go back to what you were doing. It's called the push and pull method. You acknowledge them, then ignore or occupy yourself with something else. This takes away the creepiness and makes you look confident. Act kool and aloof.

[Superman33]

man when you wink at them and smile and shit how about you qo talk to her afterwards and start conversation and qet her number you been seeinq her lonq enouqhh .