Have I been played? What to do now...?

[HeartIsAching]

Ya you f uckin wish......be careful....we might shut the water and power off.

LOL. Water and power? Wachoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Unless you mean the oil we buy from you.

[HeartIsAching]

probably a few exceptions-a few normal people. anyway im glad i dont live there.

That's ok, we're glad you don't live here too.

[olb30]

So I have been thinking and I'm unsure on what action to take on this....


Here are my thoughts:

1. Meet up as planned and carry on as normal and not mention it, and hope for the best.
2. Meet up as planned and bring the issue up somehow (Mention I saw her with someone or not? Or just ask if we are on the same page).
3. Get my stuff back and say 'Foget youuuuu!' Move on and forget her. (Difficult as I really like her)..


Any ideas on what and how I should do all of this?

[Wakeup]

I thought you had it figured out and I thought how you figured it out was the right route to take. Meet up as planned and ask her about being exclusive. If she says yes, then great. If she says no then she's not the girl for you and you can get over her quicker knowing that. Anything else and you'll either regret just leaving without finding out or you'll be risking your own emotional and sexual health by pretending you don't know anything.

Even if you're just going to be sexually hooking up you both should know where you stand with one another. Its crazy making for you to be only doing her and wondering who else she's doing. *Or if she's even single for that matter. Remember, none of us know at what capacity she's seeing the guy she was holding hands with.

[TablesandChairs]

I've never had a 'one nighter' but in my view, sleeping with someone on the same night you met them doesn't really indicate 'exclusivity'. You know nothing about them at that point. You don't even know if they actually want a boyfriend or just someone to sleep with. Sounds like you shagged/had the intention of shagging whenever you saw her on the subsequent occasions...I'd be thinking it was just sex.

I guess if you want a committed/monogamous relationship, it's best to get to know the person without alcohol or sex on the first night...that way you can learn what they're about, who they are and what they want. This process might take days or weeks so you might have to keep it in your pants during this time. The alternative to that is to do as you did but you have to accept the risk that the girl you're sleeping with might have other intentions and/or might be seeing other guys.

[pseudosooz]

I disagree with people who say there is no commitment. It's implied that if someone is having sex with you, they aren't sleeping around, even if you don't care about anything else at least to make sure they won't give you something.
It's hygiene fail anyway you look at it. Morally it's wrong, too, but I'm not going to go into detail on that because if you jumped in bed on the first date, you wouldn't understand anyway - it's not a good thing to do to say the least.That's not usually how you start anything lasting.[/QUOTE]


Lets pick an opinion and stick with it I deduce that you must either think that sex does lead to relationships or it doesn't. Starting your response by stating that sex is implying fidelity and end by stating that it's not how lasting relationships are made, leaves me, and probably your dating life somewhat confused.

The facts are that sex doesn't imply commitment.. But it also doesn't completely negate it.
New statistics say that actually 55% of dating people (most likely western culture specific) have admitted to having sex on a first date! (won't let me add link to this study)
I highly suggest not assuming that you're getting ANYTHING when it comes to sex. On the list of things NOT to expect when it comes to casual sex #1, an Orgasm, #2 a text or phone call #3, monogamy! (It IS SAFE TO ASSUME that such an assumption will likely end in a broken heart and/or a bruised ego.)
Speaking of monogamy:
In my personal research where I interviewed men from all ages and walks of life on the topic of dating, the answers I found most curious were to the 'Sex on the First Date' question. Overwhelmingly, the men answered that they would not disqualify a woman as a potential mate for having sex on a first date. Moreover, often they would follow this statement by saying that actually they were more likely to judge a woman for NOT acting on her impulse, if the man strongly feels that the woman is attracted to him. Simply because mixed signals can come off as personal insecurity, sexual reserve or game-playing.
I found that most men are likely to revel in the delight of being found sexy by a woman that they are also attracted to. Most men are happy to interpret physical indulgence in a woman as a sign of a real connection between them. Most men are unlikely to view this sexual partner as 'Easy', however naive that can be, in some cases.
I asked plenty of questions, as plenty would follow such a revelation! I am woman after all, raised by women to believe that sex on the first date seriously effects my ::makes dramatic air quotations:: 'Property Value'. Questions included but were not limited to:
'How much does a woman's sexual past matter to you in considering her as a potential mate?' Again I was surprised by overwhelming majority of men stating that it wasn't important to them. More important issues include trust, authenticity, and an ability to be made happy.
Furthermore, on a personal level, gotta say it, I jumped my now husband the second time we were in a room alone together! I'm not ashamed to admit that I would have done it the first time, except he had a girlfriend at that time.
Sex on the First Date should not be made a habit of, obviously, because there is a different word for meeting up with a virtual stranger for the specific purpose of sex and 'dating' is not it. But once in a while, one might find undeniable attraction, and, Well Hell, how do they put it these days?? YOLO.
I have no regrets.
Neither does my bestie who met her hubby online, their first date included, dinner drinks & ::wink,wink::. Since that time they've graduated university, married, bought a house and had a baby.... IN THAT ORDER! ::applause, **** that, Standing Ovation!:: It's a love story that starts as kinky-birthday-"one-night-stand", and ends up June and freaking Ward Cleaver! In conclusion, there's something to be said for 'Leaving it to Beaver'. haha

[toknow]

LOL...You don't get it...I say what I say not because I care what your opinion is. I say it for those who can understand it, and can learn from it.

[smackie9]

USA! The land of sluts and man whores who date around and sleep with multiple partners until exclusivity has been discussed !!!! Yep!

You don't know about Surrey girls eh lol.........

[smackie9]

LOL. Water and power? Wachoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Unless you mean the oil we buy from you.

You also buy electric power and water from BC. We have been selling our resources to you guys for decades.

[smackie9]

LOL...You don't get it...I say what I say not because I care what your opinion is. I say it for those who can understand it, and can learn from it.

That's the funniest shit ever!

[smackie9]

So I have been thinking and I'm unsure on what action to take on this....


Here are my thoughts:

1. Meet up as planned and carry on as normal and not mention it, and hope for the best.
2. Meet up as planned and bring the issue up somehow (Mention I saw her with someone or not? Or just ask if we are on the same page).
3. Get my stuff back and say 'Foget youuuuu!' Move on and forget her. (Difficult as I really like her)..


Any ideas on what and how I should do all of this?

Just say to her "I didn't know you had a BF....when were you going to tell me this?" and then proceed to tell her you thought it was more than a hook up.....then you can sort it out with her.

[olb30]

My plan exactly.

Even if its just sex to her - part of me would still want this as she is dam attractive and sex ain't a common thing for me now since i'm single! haha

I'll probably say we can't see one another again if it is though.

[Wakeup]

Are you saying that you'll continue to have sex with her if she is actually in a relationship with the guy you saw her holding hands with?

[olb30]

Probably not.

[Wakeup]

"probably" not?

Dude either you have personal boundaries in place (also called convictions and standards) or you don't. You're already having some emotional feelings for her so those will only become deeper and you continue on. There are plenty of women out there that are'nt in relationships that you can be with casually or something more serious with.

You ask and were all concerned if you were being played and now you're waffling to be with her if she is proven to be one.
Makes little sense to me.