My long sad love story

[Owly]

Your "clingy behavior" is beautiful. How can anyone see wanting to hold your loved one's hand as asking too much.

That's what I thought... and it hurt really bad. So I spent the hole day hiding tears and trying to look positive and happy so he'd have a good time. But I couldn't resist to hold him at times and give him kisses on his cheek (he'd completely refuse to kiss me on the lips). Sometimes he was ok with it, others he complained. But I understood he was fed up with me by the end of the day. So when I got home I said I was sorry.

[smackie9]

smakie9, you need to repeat 5th grade reading. Nowhere did I encourage her staying with him.

Do you have ANY reading comprehensions skills what so ever...lol. Utterly amusing.

Someone had to say it because everyone was thinking it.....

[smackie9]

smakie9, you need to repeat 5th grade reading. Nowhere did I encourage her staying with him.

Do you have ANY reading comprehensions skills what so ever...lol. Utterly amusing.

You are encouraging her behavior....this is what keeps her locked in this misery. It gives her hope she is doing the right thing.

[pcmaster]

I thought it too but if you read into it than toknow is positive about girl but not the guy. Its just hes ussual BS that makes us think hes BSing again but its not so bad really, everyone sees what they want to see.

[Owly]

So thats great you are not together anymore. Where is the problem than? Go out to nighlub with friends, talk to some guys, dance or just get drunk and forget the past !

Oh I've tried that! Some of the times he broke up with me... It doesn't help. I just go along, drink and start crying. I'm a depressed kind of drunk! LOL. But of course, it's always better to be with your friends than being at home crying. The problem is the day after. It's even more depressing. I'm starting to think that moving away from this place would be great. Try to make a master's degree in another country, idk. Meet new people and be far away from him. Who knows, I might forget him. Not that I believe it but, everyone says it's possible, I surely don't know better than everyone on the planet.

[Owly]

Owly I think you need to give yourself a little credit....you are heading in the right direction. It seems the more you talk about this the more you realize you need to change. Yes this will take some time to adjust to this new chapter in your life. Change is good, change is healthy. Maybe you should do some reading. There is a ton of self help books that can help you along the way.

Yes, I never gave credit to self help books, but I'm starting to believe they might have a point. Sometimes we just need some push to see things in a different way. And I clearly need to open my horizons. Thank you.

[pcmaster]

Actually thats what helped me -Lost my dream girl, wanted to become better man and left the country for 3 years and it was easy to start a new life in new place beacue there was nothing around me that can hold me back or remind past. Even if you stay at same place its better to erase, destroy, keep away from everything that reminds you the past shit which is not needed for future.

[toknow]

HAHAHA...I see pcmaster at least made it to 6th grade.

Owly, he is blessed to have you and so are your friends and family.
Your story speaks a lot of you and speaks very highly!

A painting is valuable, and even more valuable is the one who can see its value.
You are like that person, loving your loved one who is the painting.
What is the painting without you being able to appreciate it.

[Wakeup]

Yes, you're right. It's messing with me to the point where I just can't keep bothering my friends or family with it. I just suffer alone now. They'll always be there for me to listen to my stories (but it's always the same!) "oh...he broke up with you again? What was it this time? We told you so! Leave that douche bag, it's your fault you can't move forward" It gets tiering even for me... But oh well, I believe they're right. Everyone, even people who don't know me, telling me the same thing over and over again gotta mean something! It's so clear to everyone. It's a shame I'm the only one who can't get it (or do it...!). Because I do understand this isn't living. Thank you all.

It is your fault you don't move forward and I'm advising you to seek out an appropriate therapist for your codependent addiction to this man. You're addicted to the rush you get when he finaly comes back to you. You're just like a heroin addict thats waiting for her dealer to come through and give her that hit so you experience a brief periord of ecstacy only to hurt over and over again when you no longer have your drug. You're a sad case and the more you post, the sicker you seem. Sorry, but you need a wake up call because your friends haven't been able to get through to you either.

You need to go cold turkey withdrawl from this guy and never return any of his communication so that you can rehab from your drug of choice known as "boyfriend that just comes back for the rush and then he's gone again."

Stop drinking in toknow's words like you were dehydrated from a trek in the desert. He is feeding you his particular form of crazy and you're thinking he's saying things that are productive to getting your love on track with this man but Just because he's telling you about YOU it doesn't mean it applies to your relationship. No matter what he says about the beautifulness of your love, you are ruining your own psyche by continuing on in this passionate but dysfunctional habit of trying to be with this man who is toxic to you. It's sick what you're in so start your rehabilitation by going no contact and do not respond when he comes back. Make it over so you can get better.

Where is your mother and father and why haven't they tried to guide you to get professional help for your addiction to this man?

[Owly]

Actually thats what helped me -Lost my dream girl, wanted to become better man and left the country for 3 years and it was easy to start a new life in new place beacue there was nothing around me that can hold me back or remind past. Even if you stay at same place its better to erase, destroy, keep away from everything that reminds you the past shit which is not needed for future.

Thanks. I do believe that's exactly what I should do. Perhaps I'll be able to make it in a year or two, move away

[Wakeup]

I'll add that "clinginess" is NOT beautiful, Owly. To toknow it may be because he wants someone to worship him... he thinks that giving up your own identity so that he is the focus of all your love is what HE wants. Your bf does not want a woman like that and the more you are like that and he rejects you, the more you hurt your own self-worth so stop trying with this guy. He doesn't appreciate it like toknow would. MOST men wouldn't unless they are into BDSM and your his sub.

[toknow]

Wakeup, wake up! You didn't even make it through 4th grade.

The perception of "clinginess" is simply a sign of lack of love. There nothing wrong with putting the other person first and meeting their needs with love.
You can not get smothered by love. There is no such thing as too much love. If you feel there is, what you are thinking of is not love.

[Wakeup]

Sadly you are a displaying the characteristics of a BDSM psycological manipulator who doesn't understand the term mutuality.

You are manipulating this young woman into thinking her actions WITH THIS PARTICULAR MAN are normal and welcoming when they are not. If you're going to preach your particular kind of dominance then please be sure to put the emphasis on the fact that she's showing her love to the wrong man. You are mostly only telling her that her love is beautiful which in her state of hope makes her think that she should keep doing the same things she's been doing with with HIM. A short sentence telling her he is not the right one for her while encouraging her behaviour toward him at the same time is unconscionable.

You CAN get somthered by love when who you are reaping it upon is not wanting you to do it. Hear that Owly?

[toknow]

Wakeup, it seems you know nothing about love, but that's your loss and you will live with it.

His actions, don't matter in my evaluation of her as a human being. His action only support the beauty with which she is able to love. It's a tragedy that she hasn't found someone who will return equally, but again that doesn't negate her exceptional nature.

The reason some people see this the way you do, wakeup is because they are too selfish. They want a relationship which is all about them, their time, their job, their feelings. They want a supplement to their life, whenever it's convenient to them, and that's not a relationship. Your relationship should be your live and you should put if first, before your job, before your friends, before your needs.

[Wakeup]

Toknow: It seems you know nothing about MUTUAL LOVE and simply cling to your own one-sided beliefs without taking into consideration how love is received. So: You can take your esoteric shit-fest elsewhere because you're not selling it to me or anyone else who is not codependent to the point of self-destruction.

Your relationship should be your live and you should put if first, before your job, before your friends, before your needs.

Yes and when you find that you're the only one who happens to be doing that (like YOU owly) then you get yourself away from it BEFORE you're psychologically addicted to trying and failing at it to the point your self-love has disappeared. Understand, Owly?