Please someone offer me some advice because I’m not sleeping and my whole life is on hold at the moment and I don’t know what to do.
A couple of years ago I found out my missus was having an affair with a co-worker. One day she left her Facebook page open, and I’m not proud of the fact, but I had my suspicions and checked her emails. Prior to that this guy, and let me tell you the man is everything I’m not, he’s tall, extremely good-looking, bit of a party-animal type, he was coming over to my house quite a lot while I was at work. That was fine to a point as my missus was telling me but nothing at the time raised suspicion until she started going off me in the bedroom completely and going upstairs to text on her phone. By the way at the time my son was just over a year old while this guy was visiting my house. The email I read basically stated that their relationship was over as things had ‘moved too fast’ and she wasn’t ready. It destroyed me at the time and she insisted it was nothing sexual, just an ‘emotional affair’ and that they just went out and had a laugh and partied. At this point I’ll say I’m not the party type, any spare time I have is for my children as I’m a devout family man so I blame myself in that respect. Anyway, she begged for forgiveness but this has consumed me for years that fact that she betrayed me with this guy and I think about it literally every day and have no-one to talk to as I have no family and am uncomfortable discussing with friends.
That trust was broken but still I had this nagging gut-instinct that there was more to it than just ‘emotional’ as there was so many, many lies that I discovered. I’m still bitter about it deeply and as time passed we had a second child but the relationship was never the same again. Now we have two gorgeous children that we both dote on and believe me that as parents we are great and loving and our children want for nothing but as a couple there’s nothing. The physical side practically ended a year ago now and I think every day whether this is good for the kids, or even is it good for me as a person? Am I being fair to myself and my children in living this sort of fake-relationship. We never discuss her affair ever and I won’t bring it up so just live with this burning anger. Then, just last week I found one of her old phones in the cupboard and again, I’m not proud, but I charged it and read the messages she had forgotten to delete which were from this guy two months before I found out about them. The messages were graphic, detailing where they were arranging to stop together, where they had already stopped, what he was going to do to her when they met up (very graphic) and one text which was basically him pleasuring himself over a pic she had just sent him. This obviously suggests they were sexual in their relationship and now I know for certain, and years down the line, what do I do and how do I approach or even should I approach? She would still deny any sexual contact but I now know there was and have proof. Should I forgive even though I’m not in love with her anymore (although I love her for the mother she is to the kids). Help !