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Thread: Need objective advice if I should continue this

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013
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    Female
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    Need objective advice if I should continue this

    Hi all,

    I'd like to begin with saying thank you for taking your time to read this. I would really like some objective advice whether or not I should continue on dating this guy. I've drawn up and pros/cons list and spoke to a few friends about this, and they have all said no, do not continue. However I feel I know my friends answers too well and they aren't providing an objective opinion... ok so here goes!

    I'm a 25year old post grad student who is also working part time. He is a 27 year old who's working full time as a doctor, we met in college and I broke it off before it became too serious. There are also a number of cultural and maturity issues that lead to this break up 3 yrs ago. I'm atheist Asian and he's Indian (Hindu).

    The pros:
    He's in a very stable profession, he does look after me, listens and is caring

    The cons:
    He's incredibility immature (watches anime and TV all day if he could), uses japanese game show like like tones following you sentences (which is not funny), makes all these funny noises as your talking, mimics your hand gestures. He's also a push over (ive seen his friends mock him and he doesnt even defend himself), insecure, naive and not street smart, he always comes to me for advice about most things.
    My parents and friends would never approve of him, but that being said, I am an independent person. He's not my go to guy when I need to talk about my day or get advice for issues as the advice that he provides is usually completely misguided or wayyyy too naive and optimistic (eg i have a bump on my nose, what do you think it is? his reply: oh my, you better get it checked out, it could be cancer' - that's his first reply).

    Now that I'm more mature and haven't dated for 3 years since we last broke up, I'm beginning to question whether I should restart this relationship. He's begged me to take him back but I truly am very hesitant. I'm not the type of person that would lead someone on without having my own emotions set first, with all these issues considered, is it worthwhile trying again? is it worth while trying to change him? or would it be too hard work and emotionally taxing for me?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    1,302
    Well look at your score card and answer this question yourself girl. Lol!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
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    Female
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    Since you're looking to change him, I don't think he's the right guy for you. Some women would probably find him cute for the reasons you listed as cons. Since he has a consuming profession and is emotionally supportive, they'd feel like he'd contribute enough to the relationship and the household. They wouldn't mind if he was a bit childish in other ways. However, that doesn't seem to be the case with you. You're looking down at him. You want him only if you can change him into another man. That's not the right reason to be dating somebody. You need to find somebody who already the qualities you're looking for. Otherwise, it's not fair to him.

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