feeling really bad

[sphalore]

Hi forum,

I have posted in these forums before back in March when me and my girlfriend broke up, and I appreciate everyone's responses to those threads,

I have been trying really hard to get over her and move on with my life I have removed everything from my house that reminds me of her, and done whatever I can to forget her and be happy, I have gone out with friends socialising, tried online dating with no success, tried to find myself again and exist a single as I did before she moved in and I existed as a single man.


However I am struggling I feel very depressed it feels like women are showing me no interest at all, I haven't let myself go I still workout, dress nicely, carry myself well and patient and polite with women, and I haven't had a problem getting girlfriends before but now it seems like the world has come crashing down,
I have even started to notice people together couples and thought "wow if that chubby guy dressed like a slob picking his nose can get an attractive girlfriend" then what the hells wrong with me.

I have tried to forget being in a relationship I guess it shouldn't be everything but I feel so very bad, everyone around me my age 29-30 even young is married with kids or has a wife/husband etc.

Any sound words of advice would really help

[smackie9]

Stop looking so hard, they will find you. Your expectations are getting the best of you. You need to focus your thoughts on just enjoying life. When you are enjoying yourself women will take notice. It's only been a few months, you need to give it time before you are emotionally ready to be with that someone special again anyways.

[sphalore]

your probably right I know what your saying and yes I do need to focus on just enjoying my life more than finding an actual partner I never focused this much on women before and every-time I stopped looking they just found me, it has been almost 3 months and I guess normally I go from one women to another within weeks a month at most and I guess I have been forcing it.
it feels like they don't want to find me now, as they did before nothing changed in me...well I guess since I broke up I am wanting love so badly again.
But everything has a timeline

[smackie9]

Maybe that's it....you want love so badly ...and well people can feel that desperate vibe. It's very off putting. IMO that means you are just not ready because if you date someone right now it would be for the wrong reason....filling the void instead of enhancing your life.

[sphalore]

the thing is smackie I am not coming across desperate I made an online profile on "pof" plenty of fish a dating site haven't put anything on there desperate, sleazy no topless body shots, just a completely honest and appealing profile. I know what you mean about desperate and women can smell that a mile off. I want love so badly I admit because I was so usto it having a woman in my life, to hold me at night, someone to call me "baby" someone saying "oh you look handsome today",

so what do you mean enhancing my life?

[smackie9]

Someone that you can share things with and they share things with you....bring in a new social circle, get you into new interests, try new things with.....experiencing life on a different level but not in a dependent way. Someone who adds more to your life, not suck it dry.

[sphalore]

yeah I get that in a way my ex did enhance my life but I found myself always bailing her out of debt, buying her lunch even when I was at work and she was out because she "ran out of money" infact im even paying for the sofa-bed and dinning table she bought on my name on hire purchase because she thought it would make the house better. a partner should enhance your life not just emotionally your right.

And if no one comes along then what do I do??

[smackie9]

On line dating is real competitive. Very difficult for the guys from what I here. So don't use that as a basis for your appeal to others.

[smackie9]

There will always be someone...when you least expect it. I was single for a year and a have before I met my husband. I didn't date much during that time either.

[sphalore]

Yes it is extremely competitive, women seem a little confused online - they constantly say no guys with shirts off, posing then I see lots of "intelligent" women online with barely any clothing on, standards seem to be very high,
I am not saying I want to come across sleazy because I am not, but when you try to be sincere, intelligent, friendly, open minded you get ignored.
It seems hugely impossible these days.

[sphalore]

and in one year before meeting your husband did you generate any interest whilst you were single? did you date?

[smackie9]

I didn't have any interest in being with someone, I was kind of done with it and needed a break. I dated a few times but it was for something to do. I hated dating because it was either they just wanted me in the sack or they desperately wanted a serious relationship. That was a big turn off for me.

[smackie9]

Yes I generated a lot of attention lol, I was a hot 24 year old with a deadly rack. Women have it way easier.

[sphalore]

Oh I see, do you see what I mean women do have it easier, even if a man is good looking. Why do guys want to get a woman in the sack, god why has everything got to be sex orientated. I am not desperate to marry someone or get them in my bed I just want to date a nice woman who wants to see how we go *sigh*

by the way thanks for all your replies - they are appreciated.

[smackie9]

BTW things might be a little different now because I was 24 back in 1988 before the internet ever existed lol. Met the old fashion way face to face.