Clubbing protocol

[Raz1985]

Ok so I have been through a rough patch the past 5 years (not related to love) but I have been single for this long. I have not slept with anyone in this time. I went out last night to a club and danced with a guy who I only met for the first time last night. He was nice and I had fun dancing but every time it gets to the end of the night, I recoil against going home with the guy like they seem to expect. I ve always been like that, I'm a little shy, yes probably inexperienced especially with my hiatus from sex from age 23-28, I get embarrassed easily too so the thought of going home with a stranger and getting naked!! seems so awkward to me!
But it seems like everyone does it these days, goes out, meets someone and ends up in their bed a few hours later.
What happened to meet, exchange numbers, go on date, get to know eachother... maybe im stuck in the past as that's what it was like when I used to go out in my early 20s.

Am I just being old fashioned? Or should I loosen up a bit? I don't know, I feel so bad like im leading them on when all I really want is a bit of closeness dancing, maybe a kiss, I guess im more after love..a relationship not just a one night stand.

Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I just looked at as a tease and frigid if I don't want to put out at the end of the night??

[basilandthyme]

Raz, while this guy may have had hopes of getting laid, I simply don't believe that everyone who meets in a nightclub goes home and shags each other.

What gives you the impression that this is what everyone does? Do your friends all sleep with every guy they dance with in a nightclub? Or perhaps you're wearing a Kardashian style dress which gives the impression that you're up for it....or your dancing is very provocative?

Tell us a bit more.

[Raz1985]

No I wouldn't say provocative, I wasn't wearing a dress just tight jeans and a top nothing too sexual! But I just freaked a little when he casually said 'should we go get a cab' as if just because we were dancing and might have kissed that we should continue that into going home together? I find it hard to meet guys so bars and clubs seem to be the obvious place but i don't want to feel that pressure of going home with a guy at the end of the night.. Im just not that kind of person? I guess I just wonder what usually happens to other people at the end of a night out clubbing, is there an awkward exchange of numbers or ?
I feel a bit out of the loop!

[fklove]

You have respect for yourself, one of the values that i value the most.

I respect you.

[vashti]

This is the behavior of people who meet in clubs; you should expect it. Clubs are NOT the place to go to meet quality guys.

[dem862]

This is the behavior of people who meet in clubs; you should expect it. Clubs are NOT the place to go to meet quality guys.

or quality women.

[smackie9]

You sound like an attractive and honest girl.....try internet dating, speed dating, going to a sports pub or social club.

[basilandthyme]

OK. So your reaction is all about his guy. Gotta give him points for trying, eh.

I disagree that one can't meet a quality partner in a club. Normal people do go to nightclubs (well at least, here in Australia normal people go to nightclubs) but if they try and take you home in a cab, then don't bother. Just stick to the idea of handing out your phone number and see if they call.

As for this guy in particular....you say that you MIGHT have kissed him. Given his actions, I'll assume you DID kiss him. And as such, it wasn't unreasonable for him to try it on. If you don't want to give a wrong impression, save getting that close until you've had a date. Dance together, have fun, but don't kiss or get touchy feely until he's proved that he wants more than a shag. And at the club, spend more time with your friends than with the guy...let him chase a bit.

[michelle23]

its not true that everyone is doing that. i never did when i was single and never will if i find myself single again

that is who you are and its a good thing. dont lower yourself just to folow the crowd. i dont believe that all men out clubbing just wana get laid-you could meet a nice guy on a night out. i did and were still together nearly 5 years later.

but you should try a few other social scenes too so you can widen your circle. Maybe ask your friends to set you up on a blind date or meet up with your friends partners friends and spend time getting to know them.

most people are looking for love-i no all my single friends are and they go clubbing coz they dont have someone special to curl up with or go for dinner etc but theyd go out a lot less if they were in a relationship.

you could try online dating or join a new hobby/sport/gym where you can meet new people

[michelle23]

me and my bf left the club together that night, we got chips and sat and talked for an hour on a bench, he asked me for my number and put me in a cab and then he got a different cab.

all his friends are the exact same-There not just looking for sex and a lot of the guys i grew up with are like that too.

i remember when i was 18, i went out every weekend, met a lot of guys, kissed a lot of guys, tons asked for my number and wanted a date. only 3 ever tried it on the first night.

dont let one experience let you think thats all there after. nearly every guy i dated that year wanted a real relationship with me. only went out with a few assholes and i ditched them fairly fast and the rest just wernt my type.

theres lots of really great guys tho so dont give up.

[smackie9]

It's not that you can't find a decent partner at a club, it's the fact that there are so few. Why spend your time weeding through the crap when you could go somewhere else where there is less crap to pick through.

[basilandthyme]

It's not that you can't find a decent partner at a club, it's the fact that there are so few. Why spend your time weeding through the crap when you could go somewhere else where there is less crap to pick through.

reiterating that normal people go to clubs here in Australia (where the OP lives)

[michelle23]

ya everyone goes to clubs here-its the norm but it doesnt mean that all they all want is sex.

[smackie9]

Well it's obvious she is asking for an alternative not an argument about clubs and their clientele.

[okwhat2013]

Life is short!!!! For some real short. Nothing wrong with being single, but damn you are in your prime, go out and meet some guys, you don't have to sleep with them. Meet some people, be safe about it. You remind of that girl that is a friend and I sneak up behind her and push her into the pool. You seem like you need a little excitement and probably need to get a little wet. ;-)