Hi all. I could really do with some outside opinion and help please. Like many on here, I just want to understand my girlfriend better, as I don't know if the relationship is all but dead, or if we are just very different and its ok. I have never felt the need to ask for relationship help or advice before. We have been together over 7 years, and have both had exs etc.
Some background...
I'm a 34 year old male. I am an extremely logical person (work in a technical job) and am of reasonable intelligence. I probably over analyse things. Arguments stay with me for ages. I want us to be together for ever, but still have reservations.
My girlfriend is very dependant, and relies on me for most things. I am smarter than her (sorry just trying to give accurate info on us) but is in a good job and doing Well. She is friendly and sociable, and loves the simple things likea good cuppa and getting in her pjs and chillin. She is not in any way logical thinking, and kinda goes with the flow. She never looks deeply into anything. Arguments are forgotten in literally seconds. I know she would like to get married to me, and have kids and I'm confident she genuinely has no interest in anyone else.
So the problem I would like advice on is that whenever I try to talk to her about things I'm unhappy about, it goes in one ear and out the other. I can tell her that I'm miserable, that she could make me so much happier if she just told me how she felt, or did one little thing for me, or stopped doing something little, and she just says ok, or sorry, and then goes back to whatever she was doing. Last night I said to her that i was at my wits end. I just needed to sit down with her and talk about why she cant be honest and open with me, why she can't tell me what's on her mind and she just asked what we were having for tea or something like that. Tonight I said that if we can't talk soon then I give up, and she asked if she could change the tv channel.
She just seems completely unwilling to talk to me, even when I say that the relationship may well end if she can't in the future. I genuinely believe with certainty that she wants to marry me, and be loyal and I never worry about her cheating or anything, so how can she act like this? One example was when I was really upset about a really bad week. I had never ever done this before or since, to anyone, (i never have been that upset before) but I messaged her to say I was really upset and really needed her. I just wanted to have a nice evening, nothing more than that, a big cuddle when she got in, and an evening of relaxing. When she got in she acted just like a normal night, even though when I asked her she said she had received the text. All I wanted was a hug, and perhaps to cuddle up on the sofa to a film or something.
If she ever told me she was upset with me, I'd be mortified and want to know what I had done and how I could help sort it out. As a very logical person that seems obvious to me. Again, as a logical person, her behaviour in my mind is that of someone who simply doesn't care, who knows I'm upset, and she could help, but doesn't. Being logical again, to me its the behaviour of someone who just wants a hubby, so she can have the wedding day, kids, the house and a nice life, but actually doesnt care about me. As long as i dont actually end it, it really doesnt affect her if im unhappy in the relationship. Thats my logical thinking, but i just dont want to believe it. Am I just too logical and unreasonable? Does she really not care about me and us? Am i being too demanding?
Sorry for the long story, I would just love to hear some impartial thoughts. Thanks to all who read and respond.