Hi. I'm 28 and in college. This last weekend after talking for 6 months then dating for almost 1 year (September 1st is our anniversary). My girlfriend told me she needed a break because of trust issues. Since this is anonymous enough, I'm comfortable just plain telling it how it is. In the fall, despite being safe in everyway, my gf got pregnant. We decided to have an abortion because of multiple reasons, her health (she would die in childbirth), her parent's would disown her, and cut her off. That and more importantly were not financially capable of having a child yet. I mean were still in college. So we promised not to tell anyone but those who needed to know. After almost a month I couldn't take it anymore. She didn't want me to talk to the psychologist here, my friends, or family. I understand how personal this is, but she's not the only one that paid emotionally, or financially ya know ? Nor is she the only one that lost something special. So. I talked to a few VERY close friends (I claim them as siblings, literally). I know I shouldn't have but I needed to talk to someone. That was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Afterwards. I couldn't keep it from her and told her. I've always wanted to be honest with her and never lie. This understandably devastated her. We made it through it though. Then around February, she offered to lend me some money to replace my laptop and bookbag, both which at this point were falling apart, and my laptop quit working. This brought the total I owed up to $800 which is a lot of money. I paid off all but $220 of it when I got my income tax and ended up buying her late christmas presents and my self somethings with the remaining money. I didn't think this was an issue since she didn't say anything.
I borrowed $30 off her then to ship something I sold on Amazon. She told me she was having trust issues at this point, and why. Which I understand, he ex never paid her back money he borrowed, and eventually cheated on her. So I got a cash advance on my next paycheck and sent her half of the $100 (I'm doing workstudy). She didn't believe that I was sending this, so I sent her a picture of the envelope and money order. She has a lot going on right now. Her dad we found out is dying, the college she was accepted to transfer to screwed her over. Not to mention we are once again a long distance relationship. I don't understand what happened. Last monday, everything was find. Then we were talking on facebook and I said if I gave College X all of my money, that I would have $265 left in my pocket. I honestly didn't mean literally in my pocket but that's how she took it. This is what led to me getting the money order. I have had plans all along to pay her off. We have had good communication all along. At least I thought we did. We had talked several times about the money, and me not keeping my promise to be quiet.
I know I should have talked to her first before I told anyone. If I had to talk to someone it should have been someone we both felt mutually comfortable with. I also should have been more responsible with my money when I had the chance to pay her back. Now were on a break, and she said maybe we can work things out and start dating but for right now she needs time and space, but we will talk soon. I don't know what to do. I love her. I really do, and I have been giving her space. I've also contacted the schools psychologist and I'm planning on starting to go to sessions with her. I'm going to have the money soon thanks to selling some of my stuff to pay her back in full in about a week. What can I do to show her that I can be trusted again ? I'm trying to start small by paying her the money and sticking to that. I also wrote a letter to go with it, reiterating what I told her when she said she needed a break. That I'm here for her, and I'm willing to do WHATEVER it takes to make this work. I told her this the day we started dating and I honest to god mean that. I know I have a hard road ahead of me if I am to gain her trust again. That's understandable. I told people something VERY personal. Then I didn't fallow through with paying her back.
Any ideas ? I mean this literally came out of nowhere, but then again with lack of proper communication, anything can come out of nowhere. I really don't know where to go from here. But I honest to god love this girl with all of my heart, and I am more than willing to try anything to prove to her that while we are going to have rough times, every couple does, I'm worth sticking through the better and for worse times.