Don't know how to feel re acceptable behaviour?

[misssounsure]

I've been dating someone for 6 months now. I've always found him to be very kind, caring and generous. However I noticed he would tell the odd sexist joke. I initially just laughed along and it didn't really bother me but in the past week I've met his friends and his family and realised they are all quite sexist!

They all constantly make comments about how women cant drive... his dad will say about his wife "she cant do that..shes a woman" .. it is all said clearly as a joke but it is so annoying as it is constant. One day we were in a car park and someone mentioned they had been in a small car crash and his dad said "was it a woman driving it?" everything that comes out his dad's mouth is jokes about women.

My boyfriend's dad, my boyfriend and his brother all role their eyes "jokingly" when their mum speaks as she mumbles and speaks slowly... they take the micky out of her but she just laughs... I feel embarrassed for her! They clearly love her! It's just the way they are and its just joking but I find it too much

When I met one of his close friends this friend was constantly leering and women and saying things like "phwooorr look at that" and being very derogatory (I know guys can be like that on a night out but this was a sunday afternoon on the second occasion I met him!) It made me cringe!

My boyfriend has always made the odd few sexist remarks around me but I didnt realise how bad he was at it until he was round his family and friends!!

The icing on the cake was when my boyfriend met my family for the first time and he cracked a joke about female pilots on their periods crashing planes at certain times of the month. He was then 'jokingly' patronising to my mum when she drove us home one day but stalled.. he said "there, there.... you can do it dear"

The thing is none of it is being serious..it is all joking but i'm finding it extremely annoying!

I've spoken to my boyfriend about all this and his view is that it is all just a joke and I should lighten up. I know only I can decide if I think this behaviour is acceptable but I'd really appreciate other peoples views... would you continue to see a guy you like who has so many great qualities but who is a little sexist with some of his remarks/jokes or would you not be able to put up with it?

[anonymous_a]

I've been dating someone for 6 months now. I've always found him to be very kind, caring and generous. However I noticed he would tell the odd sexist joke. I initially just laughed along and it didn't really bother me but in the past week I've met his friends and his family and realised they are all quite sexist!

They all constantly make comments about how women cant drive... his dad will say about his wife "she cant do that..shes a woman" .. it is all said clearly as a joke but it is so annoying as it is constant. One day we were in a car park and someone mentioned they had been in a small car crash and his dad said "was it a woman driving it?" everything that comes out his dad's mouth is jokes about women.

When I met one of his close friends this friend was constantly leering and women and saying things like "phwooorr look at that" and being very derogatory (I know guys can be like that on a night out but this was a sunday afternoon on the second occasion I met him!) It made me cringe! I've realised that most of his friends and family are like this!!

My boyfriend has always made the odd few sexist remarks around me but I didnt realise how bad he was at it until he was round his family and friends!!

The icing on the cake was when he met my family for the first time and he cracked a joke about female pilots on their periods crashing planes at certain times of the month. He was then 'jokingly' patronising to my mum when she drove us home one day but stalled.. he said "there, there.... you can do it dear"

The thing is none of it is being serious..it is all joking but i'm finding it extremely annoying!

I've spoken to my boyfriend about all this and his view is that it is all just a joke and I should lighten up. I know only I can decide if I think this behaviour is acceptable but I'd really appreciate other peoples views... would you continue to see a guy you like who has so many great qualities but who is a little sexist with some of his remarks/jokes or would you not be able to put up with it?

I'd be out of there faster than you can blink. They are "joking" but they clearly aren't, because they wouldn't be so constant about it, unless they actually felt that way. And for his family to patronize a member of your family, that they barely know... That's extremely rude and unacceptable. He may not be as hardcore about it, as his family, but you still have to deal with his family, and you shouldn't have to take sexist jokes if you aren't comfortable with them. I would end it.

[lalalita]

I, personally, don't find it to be that big of a deal. But, I grew up in a very joke filled house hold. We make fun of people we care about. My Mom hasn't always understood this mentality. She used to get offended/upset if we joked too much. She still does, occasionally.

As long as he treats you well, I don't see it being a problem. Are you generally sensitive to sarcasm?

[anonymous_a]

I, personally, don't find it to be that big of a deal. But, I grew up in a very joke filled house hold. We make fun of people we care about. My Mom hasn't always understood this mentality. She used to get offended/upset if we joked too much. She still does, occasionally.

As long as he treats you well, I don't see it being a problem. Are you generally sensitive to sarcasm?

Being the type to joke around is much different than a group of people who constantly make sexist jokes. Do they make other kinds of jokes? Not that she's mentioned. There is something deeper there.

[bolatola]

anonymous i dont know what's your problem but my honest opinion is yeah u should lighten up about it. if he has so much great qualities why cant u just overlook his sexist jokes. ignore what anonymous said, it doesnt have to be serious. maybe they're just that much used to it and use such jokes quite frequently that someone may think it's serious but i believe it's not... about that patronizing part, i agree it was somewhat rude but it's not the end of the world. it isn't as dark as u think it is

[anonymous_a]

anonymous i dont know what's your problem but my honest opinion is yeah u should lighten up about it. if he has so much great qualities why cant u just overlook his sexist jokes. ignore what anonymous said, it doesnt have to be serious. maybe they're just that much used to it and use such jokes quite frequently that someone may think it's serious but i believe it's not...

She clearly has a problem with it, and she doesn't have to just overlook is his sexist jokes if she doesn't like them! No one should ever have to put up with something that makes them uncomfortable. And I don't have a problem. We are in the 21st century. One or two sexist jokes every now and again is fine, I have a great sense of humour, but ALL the time?? No.

If he can tone it down then great, but his family probably won't. IF IT WERE ME, I'd be gone. And you don't tell someone to ignore someone else on a forum you idiot, she came here for insight and that's exactly what I'm giving her. Just because it's different than yours, doesn't make it wrong.

[lalalita]

Being the type to joke around is much different than a group of people who constantly make sexist jokes. Do they make other kinds of jokes? Not that she's mentioned. There is something deeper there.

I've dated guys who make sexist jokes. It's funny, and I laugh along with them. I'm the farthest thing from a feminist and I am not offended by such things. Joking is joking. If you don't have a sense of humor, and take *everything* seriously, you can create problems where there are none. I don't think there is an underlying issue. Not if he treats her well and isn't emotionally abusive and putting himself in a higher position because he is "a man".

[TablesandChairs]

Perhaps start making anti-male jokes in return? He has some great qualities so I wouldn't be quick to dismiss him - they might just be a jokey bunch of people but yeah, sometimes too much is too much. One of my friends would make heaps of Asian jokes and it was okay initially because a joke is a joke but then it was sort of the only joke he made...eventually I realised he was actually racist.

[basilandthyme]

I don't mind the occasional sexist joke. But when they are constant, I'd be thinking that it's no longer a joke.....it would be a reflection of what they actually believe.

The way they speak to their mother is just downright rude. If you stay with him, be prepared to have him and your future sons do the same to you.