I took a tattoo, my BF resists it - what now?

[holabola]

Hi! So here's the thing. We've been together for 6 years already, and we've had our ups and downs. Mainly we've been happy though.

I had a small tattoo in my leg when we started dating. Back then I remember him having a little issue with the tattoo but he got OK with it pretty quickly. I started planning taking a new one 4-5 years ago. He seemed not to be into the idea. I continued planning but didn't go on with that - just because I had a hunch that he'd not like that.

A year ago I got a great idea to the tattoo (lots of symbolics there) and started planning it more actively, and meanwhile I tried to tell my BF about what kind of plans I have and he didn't say much - he let me know that he's not into the idea, and that's about it. Later I happened to find a great artist that makes great tattoos, and he drew me a sketch. I showed it to my BF and he didn't react much. I showed where and what size it approximately is, and he didn't say a thing - not a positive, nor negative.

I got the tattoo within a week. Since that he's been awfully quiet and we have barely touched each other. He doesn't like the tattoo, says it's too big and too visible (it's on my chest near shoulder). Design's ok so that's not a problem (it's very well done, like a piece of art, and I think that he'd like that if it was a painting on a wall, not on my skin). I'm not sure yet if he'll get over it (it's just been a couple of days really), but to be honest, I feel really sad that he's making such an issue out of my tattoo after all these years together. I'm also really sad that he's telling all this now - I did show the design and the location and the size (about that he claims that he thought I showed it's gonna be smaller than it actually is). So now I'm wondering do I have a way too controlling BF, or is it me who's being such a bitch to go take a tattoo without spouse's permission.

So what to think about this?

[anonymous_a]

It is YOUR body, to do with what you please. Tattoo's are a form of a art IMO and no one should tell you what to do with your own body. If you love tattoos, then go ahead and get tattoos. He will either have to deal with it, or he will leave you.

[searock]

You did the right thing by getting your tattoo done. He'll get over it, don't act apologetic because you have nothing to apologize for.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't see how he tried to control you at all. You're certainly entitled to have your tattoo, but he is also entitled to his feelings about it. If it makes you less attractive to him, he can't really help that. He never said don't get it or gave you an ultimatum. Just because he doesn't like it, doesn't make him controlling. I think his behavior has been anything but.

[LifeInflux]

I dated a girl that had quite a few tattoos.... I wasn't exactly thrilled with them all, and she wanted to get more... but it was all her choice.. I learned to get used to them, and I don't think she ever really knew that they bothered me. Equally I don't have any tattoos, its just not my thing... I also don't like piercings... but if the person I'm with has them, then it obviously wasn't an issue. All the marks I have on my body though came with pain and blood all the same

[Maple1714]

My ex BF didn't like tattoos. I have 2 of them that I got while we were together. I designed them and saved for them for years. They can be covered up, but still he just wasn't into body art. In the end we were not compatible about a lot of things and I want to be with someone who finds tattoos sexy. He told me not to get them and was not positive about the whole deal at all.

You gotta do what makes you happy.

[basilandthyme]

>>So now I'm wondering do I have a way too controlling BF, or is it me who's being such a bitch to go take a tattoo without spouse's permission<<

Neither. He's not controlling you - controlling you would have been him forbidding you to get the tattoo. And you don't need his permission.

Anyway, I agree with Backup that he can't help his feelings. You can do what you like to your body - but he doesn't have to like the result.

As for him not engaging in the discussion earlier, this was him not being controlling. If he was a controlling type, he would have made his feelings very clear. Anyway, it's not rocket science to figure out if someone says nothing, it means they don't like the idea. I mean, given his silence on the topic and not being fond of your other tattoo, you didn't REALLY expect him to like it did you?

[Starnique]

I don't think he's controlling because if he was, he would have told you not to get it. He just simply said that he didn't like it. You asked his opinion and he gave it to you but that's all the say so he had. Soooo with that being said, you got it. It's done, so he needs to stop sulking around and acting like a little bitch over it. Just tell him that. I also don't see why you're so sad about his reaction. You know he didnt care for them.

[smackie9]

I guess this is just a test of love...he felt you loved him enough to not get another one because of the way he feels about them, but here you are with fresh ink. I know it's your body it's your choice, BUT when you are in a relationship there are times you make sacrifices for your partner. He's thinking you dissed his feelings. Oh well you both will just have to suck it up. If it turns into a deal breaker for him, then you are with the wrong guy, simple as that.

[lalalita]

This is why I date men who share the interest.

[j-white]

You're wondering if he's too controlling, while he's probably wondering why you're so obsessed and uncompromising on the subject of tattoos.
He probably feels as though you it doesn't matter to you whether he finds you attractive or not.

[Starnique]

Then again, this may just be all in your head. He's not reacting the way you want him to~probably because he don't like them~. He may be acting nonchalant and you're expecting more of a reaction out of him. Possibly a good one but he don't care for it so you're not going to get all of that. I still say, you take into consideration a bfs opinion, that's it. I don't think he should sulk over you not compromising over that. He's not your husband.

[smackie9]

Unless you feel you want to be married to him in the future, these kind of things need to be considered.