Torn Between Two

[BobxMarley]

I have created a situation in my life where I have feelings for two women. I really don't like being on the fence about love but I can't seem to make a decision. I've been able to maintain a friendship with both of these women whom I've dated in the past. I have feelings for both of these women, but I'm having a hard time picking a direction and committing.

Woman #1: We dated for 4 years and broke up earlier this year. We have since discussed why we split up and I have deemed the relationship fixable. We are both pretty logical thinkers and communicate well. We have similar moral views. I love her family and enjoy spending time with them. This relationship is comfortable and predictable. The things I dislike about this relationship is the fact the relationship became routine. Her work schedule doesn't allow much time for us to spend time together. Her relationship with my family is poor. She never really paid attention to the "little things". For example, give me a massage if a muscle was sore or help out with dishes after I cooked us dinner.

Woman #2: We were friends for 8 years. I rebounded with her after I split with Woman #1. I decided I needed time alone to resolve my feelings so I broke things off and we went back to being friends. This relationship was very exciting. We had plenty of time to spend together and do fun things. We enjoyed doing simple activities like cooking together. She is very compassionate and supportive with the "little things". We have similar spiritual views and she is very open minded. The cons to the relationship are that she is very emotional and dramatic. Communication with her is hard because of this. She is very hot and cold and requires a lot of attention. She doesn't have many friends or hobbies, so I kinda filled that void. But that means she wants to spend a lot of time with me...which can sometimes be overwhelming.

My logical brain thinks Woman #1 is the right pick. My emotional brain thinks Woman #2 is the right pick. Here lies the problem.

I'm 26 and these women are 27.

[HeartIsAching]

Frankly, I'd go with woman #2 - you have a 'friend' relationship with her, and a habit of having that relationship, which means that in all likelihood, neither one of you wants to be in charge. This in my (unfortunately broad) experience is the absolute best situation for a long-term relationship. My wife is my best friend, and was my best friend first. This isn't to say that we never have disagreements, but when we do, we resolve them through discussion, not argument. We did so last night - it was tense enough at first that two friends of ours went home, but in the end, we didn't go to bed angry. I slept like the dead, snuggled up to my favorite person in the whole world.

[Starnique]

Also here's my take on both chics, Number 1 is okay but do you really want your relationship to be a routine? Little things come from the heart and if that's not her personality then it may be hard to change that. Most women do little things that you like and its natural for them to massage their man or do the dishes after he cooks and is very passionate. Some women aren't as "sweet" as that and it takes work. Its not a natural quality. Its hard to change peoples personalities.

Number 2 seems like you have more emotional connections with her but do you really want to reassure her all the time? Although passionate and a fun friend, she seems needy. Are you able to deal with not being able to communicate with her like an adult? It may not be a big deal now but it will be. Now think about what you like the most about each of them and why and then think about who do you honestly think has the most potential to change and bring you happiness in the end.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

The issues with woman #1 don't sound fixable, and don't sound like any effort has even been made to fix them, so I don't know how you arrived at that conclusion. #2 sounds like a better fit, but still not an ideal match, because she wants more attention than you want to give, and that will really start to wear on you, and already has.

Are you sure you're a "pretty logical thinker"? You don't have to be Socrates for it to be glaringly obvious that neither is a particularly good match for you.

[Agnus]

Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between the lover
And the love you leave behind
You're headed for disaster
'Cos you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you - every time

[toknow]

Definitely #2

[Agnus]

Dude, become a Mormon and have both and more.

[BobxMarley]

@BackUpOrGetStung I appreciate your critique. I am a logical thinker but of course the emotions of the situation make it hard to just let go. Plus, I'm very much an optimist and its in my personality to always feel the urge to fix things. Ditching both of these women and moving on might be the best choice. But I feel like both women are worthy of a chance even despite the obstacles. After all, I know all relationships have their struggles. Especially over the long term. I don't think these obstacles are game breakers. They just seem to be compounded by lack of communication. So, in my mind, I'm trying to figure out which woman I go after. If it doesn't work out, I'll be on my own and anyways. So, why not give it one last go?

[Starnique]

Yeah but you need to decide what you're going to do instead of dragging two women along. I don't know why some of you guys do that. It's all about you I guess.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

With either choice, you want both to fundamentally change themselves. Not gonna work.

You could try dating both at the same time and see which you like better..

[VincenzoG91]

People in this thread are skimming too quickly. I see red flags all over the place with woman #2. Passion, drama, obsession, almost no friends. Yeah, she's going to be serious trouble, and eventually you will find misery with her. Woman #1 sounds much more compatible with you, and if things sound a bit routine and predictable, well that's exactly what you can expect from a stable, long-term relationship with a healthy person.

[Starnique]

Rolling my eyes at you if you've been dating both.

Maybe you should move on and find a girl that's more compatible with you instead of dating both of them unless they don't mind sharing while you make your mind up. Silly on their parts, if they know. Friends is one thing. Dating is another.

[BobxMarley]

Rolling my eyes at you if you've been dating both.

No, definitely not. I have NOT been dating them at the same time. I dated woman #1 for 4.5 years. We split up and I rebounded with Woman #2 a month later. After about three weeks dating Woman #2, I broke things off with her because I needed time to get my head straight. I've been single for three months now but I am on good terms with both of them. But right now, my relationship is strictly friends with both of them.

[BobxMarley]

People in this thread are skimming too quickly. I see red flags all over the place with woman #2. Passion, drama, obsession, almost no friends. Yeah, she's going to be serious trouble, and eventually you will find misery with her. Woman #1 sounds much more compatible with you, and if things sound a bit routine and predictable, well that's exactly what you can expect from a stable, long-term relationship with a healthy person.

Thanks for your input VincezoG91. I feel like Woman #1 and I are compatible personality wise. Our conversations are more intelligent and logical. But yes the relationship is routine and safe. There isn't a whole lot of excitement so to say. However, I feel that if I tried to meet her needs more and if she was willing to meet mine, that the flare could come back. I think the reason why she is still in my mind is because I felt we could sort things out and potentially go the distance.

Woman #2 on the other hand is unpredictable. Which, can be fun at times but can be really draining at times. I don't feel she is very grounded in life. But we connect more on a philosophy and emotion level. We always have a lot of fun and she is very compassionate towards me.

[VincenzoG91]

I've dated women like your woman #2, and the more unpredictable the woman, the bigger the swings in the relationship, from high to low. The highs are amazing, and the lows are like torture. Great for a fling, and terrible for a long-term relationship.