Hi everyone,
This is going to be a lengthy post so if you manage to finish reading this I applaud you. Also some advice would be amazing.
So I've just broken up with my ex 1 month ago. The last few weeks have been hard but recently I thought I was progressing and moving on but these last 3 nights all I've done is dream about her and it's driving me crazy.
I'm 23 and a personal trainer. My ex is 18 and just headed off to uni. A lot of people questioned our age gap but it never bothered us. All I knew is that she was so mature for an 18 year old that age was only a number. We met 2 years ago & the first time I met her I fell in love. She is mature, well spoken & not to forget incredibly beautiful. I knew their was instant attraction but at the time I was dating someone else. When I broke up with my ex ex (if you get me) we instantly got in contact and just hit it off. We never had a bad day together. We laughed together, spent loads of time together & even did some incredibly fun stuff as a couple. All I can say is that we made the best team.
To set the scene, this last summer has been awful. I was studying for my masters in sport science but found myself incredibly unhappy so my girlfriend being the amazing person she is supported me & told me that she hated seeing me miserable & wanted me to do something that made me happy so I pursued personal training. At the time my girlfriend was studying for her a levels & she was a nervous wreck as she doesn't deal with exams well. So I spent a lot of time calming her down & helping her revise. I completed an intense 6 week course for my pt over summer, spending the evenings and weekends with my girlfriend which she agreed would be okay & she seemed as happy as ever. During my 6 week course she was hit with a double dish of bad news. Firstly, she found a lump in her boob & she needed an operation as they thought it was cancerous & secondly her mums partner was diagnosed with malignant brain tumours for the second time & currently he has months to live. So those two individual things caused her to go deep into depression. So I dropped everything & spent my time trying to cheer her up & listening to her when she called me in floods of tears on the phone. This combined with exam stress was just to much for her. In the end the lump in her boob was not cancerous even though she was scared at the thought of an operation. Having been there myself we talked & I made her feel a lot better. I told her I would be there for her when she wakes up & spend my days with her whilst she was in bed making her feel comfortable. I turned up with flowers & spent the day just watching her sleep & making sure she was okay. Weeks later her results came back for her a levels and she didn't get into her first choice & her second choice was not where she wanted to go. Eventually her first choice accepted her & she was over the moon. We arranged to go on holiday because we both agreed we had shit summers. However, the holiday we planned to go on didn't happen as her mums partner was very sick & decided to plan a surprise holiday for the pair of them which meant that when it came to moving in day at uni her mum wouldn't be able to move her in. Her dad has no part in her life so her mum means everything to her which I totally get because my mum was my best friend before she died of cancer when I was 18. So time constraints & problems out of our control stopped us going away. Naturally she was gutted and so was I so she ended up spending time with her mum which was understandable. Everytime I wanted to see her she was like I've got plans with mum or I'm busy sorting out uni stuff. She just kept pushing me away! Eventually her mum went on holiday and she was called me over to say we needed to talk. I went over & she bust out crying saying she was so unhappy with herself & life. She told me she needed time to herself & it was nothing I did. I thought this could be the fact she is off to uni but she isn't that type of girl. She is fussy & only dated me because I was a
London boy up north who had prospects & was well presented. See fussy!.
So we mutually agreed to take a break. She cried & hugged me & said she didn't want to let me go. 2 days later she text me saying 'that naomi seems nice' and I was like 'what?' And she said that naomi girl on twitter. I was like oh my friend from my pt course. This naomi girl is just a good friend and I have no interest in her what so ever. So my ex proceeded to say the last thing I want to see is you talking to other girls. I told her that she was & has been the only girl for me'. She didn't respond and then another day later she told me via text that she could believe I went to the races with my dad & never considered doing it with her over summer. She proceeded to blame the fact I didn't want to be seen with her blah blah and them blame the fact I had to look after my brother who has disabilities when I know full well she could come with me because she had to look after her dog. Lame I know. The reason I went to the races because my dad was sick of seeing me miserable and it really did cheer me up only to see horrible texts from my ex. So we didn't talk for a week & then on her first night at uni she text me saying she hates it and wants to come home. So being a idiot I offered to pick her up and take her home as he her uni is 30 mins from my house. Didn't get a response and thought nothing of it. 2 weeks later I sent her a text saying how are you, how's uni because our relationship never ended badly and I wanted to be the good guy. She replied instantly and was like it's really good to hear from you etc. so I said fancy catching up when your home & she was like I don't think it's a good idea. I think we should move on with our lives as I have so much going on with worrying about my mum and her partner. So I told her she doesn't have to do this alone & that I'm always here for her. Again she didn't respond. Days after she unfollowed me on twitter but kept me on facebook and Instagram which still has pictures of us together. She told me she was enjoying uni but I know we hates it because I bumped into her mum the other day & she tells me that she calls her up crying & she doesn't think it's for her.
Worse part of this all is that she speaks to her mum & says she is miserable yet puts this front on in pictures to show everyone she is having a great time. She even told me she thinks she made a mistake but j haven't heard from her in 3 weeks now. I know people believe in soul mates & I'm so convinced she is mine. Maybe we will find each other in the future I don't know? I'm just so lost without her. I even said no to a girl at working the other night when she asked for my number.
Again I bumped into her mum & partner the other day at work & she told me she missed me everyday & that it's weird not having me around the house to make her laugh or help her out. This is all coming from the mum. Even her partner thinks I'm a great guy & that she was stupid to break up with me.
I just don't know what to do? All I want is her, but she seems happy on her own yet her mum tells me she is a mess. Will I ever win her back & what should I do. Don't follow her on twitter, unsubscribed from her on facebook so I don't see her posts but still have her on Instagram but all she does is posts pics of night out when I know she isn't a big drinker or party animal. I want to move on (not into a relationship) but I just can't stop thinking about her.
I need some female advice. Should I just let it be or not give up on her?
Thanks.