Coping whilst GF loses weight

[bluesummer]

The thing is, I almost think your patience is the issue. I started gaining weight when I met my husband and just continued to pack it on for four years. I was depressed about it, and would make half-hearted attempts to exercise more or eat better. I whined the whole time. My husband said nothing. He didn't say "how can I motivate you?" or give me deadlines or even bring the subject up. He never commented on my weight, ever. It wasn't him not caring, he just figured that when I was ready, I would do it. He was right. I got to a breaking point where I was so depressed and horrified with myself I cracked down......and lost 50 lbs. Got down to my high school weight.

At the end of it, I asked him "weren't you disgusted with me being fat?" He said no, he still loved me for me and found me pretty.....the only thing that bothered him about my weight was my depression over it. He said though, that he felt if he'd tried to 'motivate' me or push me it would only make me more depressed because I'd figure I had to do it for him and the pressure would overwhelm me. So in the end I did it for the right reasons.....with his QUIET support.

[basilandthyme]

She's 48. I honestly think she simply needs to eat less and exercise more.

FWIW, about 10 years ago, I said much the same thing on a forum much like this. Everyone disagreed with me because I viewed it as a simple equation of energy in less energy out.

Now that I'm 46 and my metabolism has hit a wall, I realise just how wrong I was. It really is a case of having to walk in someone else's shoes to get it. If I could, I'd go back to that old forum and say "guess what? You were right. Sorry for not understanding"

[somehelp4me]

Why don't you find her attractive now? Wouldn't she still be who you fell in love with? Only now with more to love, same face that attracted you, same personality, or not the same? How do cope? Ask occasionally how it goes for her, compliment, and support. Work out with her too.

[Boisdevie]

FWIW, about 10 years ago, I said much the same thing on a forum much like this. Everyone disagreed with me because I viewed it as a simple equation of energy in less energy out.

Now that I'm 46 and my metabolism has hit a wall, I realise just how wrong I was. It really is a case of having to walk in someone else's shoes to get it. If I could, I'd go back to that old forum and say "guess what? You were right. Sorry for not understanding"

So is this metabolism thing just for women or does it affect guys? The reason I ask is that I'm an old fart of 49 and thanks to cutting calories (in the form of booze - I was drinking a shedload) and exercising I've lost a bit of weight but also I'm more toned. I can now get in trousers the size I used to wear when I was 20.
Surely if the metabolism slows down then eat lesss - A LOT LESS.

[basilandthyme]

Surely if the metabolism slows down then eat lesss - A LOT LESS.

Yeah, sure I'd lose weight if I lived on salad and never attended social gatherings - but what kind of life is that? Personally, I'm more about compromise and moderation. Thing is, keeping my weight under *tight* control would now require extremes in diet and exercise. And I'm not a person who's into extremes. I'd rather a healthy diet with some treats than being super lean and perpetually hungry.

Regarding the men vs women question and slowing metabolisms, I don't know the answer. But I do know that my body deals with weight and exercise differently to my hubby. He can exercise for 40mins and lose 1kg ....but can't get his head around the fact that I can exercise for 1.5 hrs, come home hot and sweaty and it makes zero difference to my weight. I also know that he can live on fruit only for lunch - but if I did that, I'd end up ravenous and overeat to compensate. I can't get by without protein (or at least a carb) in the middle of the day....so for me, eating a balanced lunch is important. What works for one person does not necessarily work for another.

[Boisdevie]

Yeah, sure I'd lose weight if I lived on salad and never attended social gatherings - but what kind of life is that?

Nice to see you're not one of those people who exaggerate.

[HeartIsAching]

FWIW, about 10 years ago, I said much the same thing on a forum much like this. Everyone disagreed with me because I viewed it as a simple equation of energy in less energy out.

Now that I'm 46 and my metabolism has hit a wall, I realise just how wrong I was. It really is a case of having to walk in someone else's shoes to get it. If I could, I'd go back to that old forum and say "guess what? You were right. Sorry for not understanding"

Yep. Wifey is 49 and frustrated with it.

Dr. Mark Lustig - a researcher at UCSF, is convinced that the crux isn't how many calories we put into our bodies, but rather what the calories are comprised of:

http://www.uctv.tv/shows/Sugar-The-Bitter-Truth-16717

[Boisdevie]

Yep. Wifey is 49 and frustrated with it.

Dr. Mark Lustig - a researcher at UCSF, is convinced that the crux isn't how many calories we put into our bodies, but rather what the calories are comprised of:

http://www.uctv.tv/shows/Sugar-The-Bitter-Truth-16717

Basically it's down to ourselves though. I used to have a real big drink problem. Now I don't drink. It was my fault for drinking (nothing to do with genetic disposition, big bones, metabolism etc).

[basilandthyme]

Nice to see you're not one of those people who exaggerate.

Except that I'm not exaggerating.

I'm already eating far less than I used to eat and still struggling. And each time I attend a social gathering, I manage to pile it all straight back on again overnight....and then it takes another week to get back to where I was.

To lose 10kg, I would have to be on a super strict diet....and avoid social activities where nice food is served. FACT - not exaggeration. And once the 10kg is gone, I can guarantee it would return the minute I stop counting calories. Counting calories isn't how I want to live the rest of my life.

[basilandthyme]

Yep. Wifey is 49 and frustrated with it.

Dr. Mark Lustig - a researcher at UCSF, is convinced that the crux isn't how many calories we put into our bodies, but rather what the calories are comprised of:

http://www.uctv.tv/shows/Sugar-The-Bitter-Truth-16717

I've cut chocolate out of the diet now. And I've got a cool food app which suggests healthier choices for supermarket items. (No more sneaky sugar in those tinned tomatoes.)

I think cooking from scratch is really important too. Pre-made sauces are a diabolical source of calories.

Edited to add: have you seen how many American slow cooker recipes have tins of soup as the sauce base? Whatever happened to 'real food'? Blech

[Boisdevie]

Counting calories isn't how I want to live the rest of my life.

Your choice. Those social activities where they serve nice food? - can't you just go but eat less of what's on offer - it's called self control. I used to drink a lot. By your example, if I went to a social gathering where they had booze I'd have no choice but to drink. I don't drink at social gatherings because I decide not to do so.

[basilandthyme]

Your choice. Those social activities where they serve nice food? - can't you just go but eat less of what's on offer - it's called self control. I used to drink a lot. By your example, if I went to a social gathering where they had booze I'd have no choice but to drink. I don't drink at social gatherings because I decide not to do so.

And that's fine. I was just trying to explain about this being a long and ongoing battle for your girlfriend - especially if she likes to Let her hair down on occasion.

[Rakshasa]

You should try working out together! It's always more fun that way. Maybe make a competition out of it

[ChloeGirl]

Being healthy and fit has to become a habit and a part of life. It takes dedication.

[Boisdevie]

Being healthy and fit has to become a habit and a part of life. It takes dedication.

Agree. Sadly, she doesn't seem that dedicated. Friday night she drank a bottle of fizzy white. By my calculation that's almost 500 calories. So when she tells me she's trying to lose weight I'm tempted to mention things like this.