Rebound relationship or is this the real thing?

[Solace]

Well, my ex girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. We dated for a year, it was definitely not a bad break up.
We argued quite a bit leading up to the break up, mainly because I felt like she wasn't putting in the effort, yet she was over-dedicated to her partying friends (she's 20, I'm 24 and her first relationship). I really thought she put her friends before me a lot of the time. She thought I had a problem with her friends but I really just wanted make me feel like she cared about our relationship.

Despite this I got on well with all her friends except her best girlfriend, I feel like she had it in for me. So it wasn't like I was ever jealous or controlling from my point of view.

Anyhow, after our break up I made sure she knew that I cared about her, but didn't chase her.
I found out that she had been dating this guy who was supposedly her close friend only 1-2 months (maybe even sooner) after our break up. I was good to this guy, treated him like a friend prior to this... They had a history of hooking up a few times before we dated but I assumed he was well and truly friend zoned by the time I turned up.
He was obviously keen on her the whole time...

Because he is part of her close group of friends and she is friends with all of his friends, things are officially WAY too messed up... I could handle her rebounding with a new guy she's met but this feels like a betrayal of trust.

Can this still be considered a rebound relationship?? She was crying on the phone with me 2 months after our break up, now I haven't heard a word since and I can't see how they could even break up considering how they both have ALL the same friends. I can't honestly say she's be better off with me considering how convenient her new relationship seems, but it hurts because I thought we had something real.

It makes me wonder, is this just a convenient rebound situation for her or could she really move on that quickly to something that appears so set up and have real feelings for this guy?

[smackie9]

Dude she's 20 years old.....she has a whole lot of living, partying and experiences to go through still. She isn't really ready for long term relationships. She's at a different place in her life. You need to face the fact she's not finished sewing her wild oats....she will repeat this again and again til she's about 25.

[smackie9]

btw if it's a rebound or not that's her deal. It sounds to me she is too immature to know what she is doing anyways. From your perspective you had something real, but on her end not so much considering her partying and friends took priority over your relationship. I agree this whole thing is way too messed up. You deserve much better trust me.

[Solace]

Thanks for the reply. I suppose I am just really pissed off knowing that by making this mess she's really guaranteed I can never let her back into my life, but you're right, we are at different stages. Girls my own age are boring but I can't keep up with her immature friends.. Been there, done that.

I never wanted to show her that I was jealous but when I found out I immediately deleted this guy on all social media. I felt like it was a lose-lose situation because I needed to do it to move on but by deleting him it's obvious that I still care.

I'm not sure whether to just never respond to her contact again or just seem totally unaffected and aloof.
I'm trying to move on so the last thing I want to do is look weak

[Sophia Lola]

She's 20 years old and likes to party. She likes to have fun. That tells me that she is not ready to commit. That's an indicative that she's not for you. She doesn't deserve you because she puts everything else before you do. That is already a big red flag. Your 24, you'll find better ladies out there that would treat you right, no doubt. I know it hurts. I've been through it myself. Only time will heal it and divert your attention into something else. For example, join a community sports game, work out, etc. You might find your future girlfriend that will take you seriously in those places Do anything that will better yourself and to stop thinking about her. Take your time to heal, Solace.

P.S. Do yourself a favor if you love and respect yourself, do not contact her. Move away and move on