Heya all, hoping for a little comfort and advice that will help me understand the situation a little more, keep me calm and move forward with my life.
My boyfriend broke off our nearly 6 year relationship just over a week ago. He never said he was leaving me for another women in his reasons, but I already kind of knew he would get with this women as they has been speaking ALOT over a skype type program for a few weeks before it all happened.
I've been absolutely devastated by him wanted to leave me as I loved him so so much. We never had many arguments and when we did they would be small tiffs that wouldn't last more than a day. I live about an hour and a half to 2 hours (Depending on which way you go and how fast you drive) away from him and I would go down to see him on average about once every 4 weeks for 9-10 days a time. and he would come up and see me in between that every other week or so.
Any time we aren't together we speak in a skype kind of program (Called Teamspeak) every day.
The story:
We both play and online game (On and off at times) and I'd quit playing it for a month and a half as I was busy with other things. During this time he'd found someone on there and become friendly with them. I had no problem at all. They used a different server on Teamspeak and after coming home from work one night and waiting in our server to talk to him before bed, he came in and said he's talking with this other person and that I should come and talk too. So I was like, Ok sure. I'm always up for finding new friends to play the game with.
She seemed nice, quite abit "Mouthier" than me but we got on ok. Her 16 year old son also played and joined the chat. He was really nice and I got on well with him.
A couple of weeks went by and I was a little fed up that he would be in her TS every day and we never really got any private talk. I mentioned it nicely and he said "yeah we can talk in our server tomorrow just me and you" so all was good. When we did talk, he would only stay a while and then said he wanted to go back to the other server with her. I was fine with that, just wanted a little time by ourselves.
It was the day of my youngest brothers 7th birthday and I was going out for a meal with my family for it. We was both in the other womens server and after my brother got back from school I needed to go and give him his birthday presents. I said be back in a while and set myself to "Away". I picked up my brothers present and I'd wrapped it in plain gold wrapping paper. My other brother and his girlfriend had wrapped their presents to him really nicely with ribbons and bows so I wanted to make mine loo nice too and searched through my drawers for some that I had left over from last year. As I was altering the present, I started hearing my bf and the other women talking about sending pictures to each other. I stuck around for a few minutes and the women said about it being "awkward" and that was I there? My Bf called my name and said "you there?" I didn't answer and they keep on with talking about and sending pictures. After I came back I had about 10 mins before I needed to leave for the meal. I didn't want to be upset so I said nothing about it. I felt miserable through the whole meal but kept it inside.
When I got back I spoke to him about it in our server. I asked him what he'd been up to and he didn't say anything about it so I bought it up and he said they'd been "harmlessly Flirting" with each other and they were "very good friends."
He said to me then that he had not been feeling the same about me any more and that he wasn't sure whether he wanted to be with me. He said he was depressed with his life, sad that all his friends lived so far away, sad that he cant get more hours work and more money and sad that hes still cant afford to move out of his mums house and that he's 30. He said he's been feeling that way about me for a few months now and that his mum noticed that he was not himself. He said he wants to "rediscover himself". He told me he needed a few days to think about it properly but he didn't want to stop talking to the other women because they were friends now. I was very upset about it and couldn't face going back onto the other server with her, but he still did.
After alot of upset, depression and confusion he told me he still felt the same and that he wanted to come and see me to see how he felt with being with me, seeing if he felt he could fight for us or if it was to end, then he could do it properly face to face. I felt much happier and was able to accept it more if it did come to an end because he would do it properly. He told me this on a Sunday, and I assumed he was going to come up on the Wednesday after work or thus morning, like he usually would. I spoke to him on Monday and asked if he was coming on the Weds or Thurs so I know, but then he said he didnt want to come up that week and maybe the week after.
I was going out of my mind with worry, upset, and thoughts and I couldn't bare to wait any longer. I told him he needed to come that week or just tell me now because I couldn't take it and it was affecting my work and home life. In the end he said well I don't want to be with you anymore but I still want to be friends.
Lots of crying and more upset went on. He spoke to me a few days later and told me he felt depressed. I told him I felt the same and that I hadn't told my parents yet but I will tomorrow. After that I heard nothing from him for 1 week.
Today, I got a text from him telling me: "I thought you should know that I've met up with (The other womens name) and that we are now in a realtionship together."
My emotions are running wild with a mix of everything going on. I've had time to settle down over the week and don't feel upset at all about it (I dont think?) but I find myself asking why? and wanting to know more. I feel like I have a lot to say to him yet I feel speechless. I feel sad but not angry and I think I expected it to happen.
I am coming up to 25 in a month and he has just turned 30. The women he is now with is 40 and has a 16 year old son and a slightly younger daughter. From what he told me before, she was also with someone who the son referred to as a kind of 'step-dad'. I have no idea what's going on with them, split up or going behind back etc.. but I do feel for the guy
I know age is just a number and 10 years isn't a huge deal. (My mum and stepdad are 9 years apart) but I just don't really understand all about it. Do you think its a fling or long term thing? Right now to me it feels like he threw our relationship away for her, but I know of course, that it will have all the other factors included as well, and if he didn't 'meet' her then if probably would have been someone else down the line.
I Feel soooo sad to lose him and hes been in my thoughts every day but I am also happy to look forward to my future and work on treating myself for once, hopefully doing my motorcycle test in the new year and getting out to meet new people.
Any help, comfort, advice appreciated and if anyone has gone through a similar thing I'd find it great to hear your story and the 'what happened next' parts.
Thanks in advance. <3
2WL
P.S. Sorry for the wall of text.