Is this the best way to handle this situation?

[RobertWQ]

So you read the above then. She asked me to get lunch with her after finals. She came to find me and sat by me (close enough that we were touching etc.) before finals, and she found me afterwards and walked with me to the light rail.

You're a girl. What do you think SHE wants from all this?

[searock]

That could simply mean she enjoys your company as a friend. I'm telling you, the best chances you have are telling her that you like her and that if she ever breaks up you'd love to take her out on a date. This is all you can do and it is also the best thing you can do in that it maximises your likeliness to succeed with this girl.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

That could simply mean she enjoys your company as a friend. I'm telling you, the best chances you have are telling her that you like her and that if she ever breaks up you'd love to take her out on a date. This is all you can do and it is also the best thing you can do in that it maximises your likeliness to succeed with this girl.

He's hopeless right now. He needs to crash and burn a couple times.

[RobertWQ]

That could simply mean she enjoys your company as a friend. I'm telling you, the best chances you have are telling her that you like her and that if she ever breaks up you'd love to take her out on a date. This is all you can do and it is also the best thing you can do in that it maximises your likeliness to succeed with this girl.

And then what after I tell her? That's the opposite of what everyone else suggested.


And to BU, insults are less helpful than if you just elaborate on why and how you think I'm acting "hopeless." It's not clear to me what I'm doing wrong in your view, so since you have a strong view about it, why don't you just explain to me briefly what you think I'm doing wrong.

[searock]

And then what after I tell her? That's the opposite of what everyone else suggested.

No, it's exactly what everyone else suggested. Tell her and then, obviously, don't see her or contact her again until she breaks up (if she does break up).

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What she suggested is not opposite what everyone else suggested. She said do not try to date a girl who has a boyfriend. After you tell her these things at the lunch, you disappear completely.

You're hopeless because every time someone gets you to see a bit of reason, you slide back into trying to date this girl, and reading everything she says as romantic interest. It's disgusting. You are setting yourself up for failure. You need to do this on your own, your own way, so that you can be satisfied that you tried what you thought would work. Who knows, maybe being friends will work..we're not psychics. Odds aren't in your favor, but then again, I plan my life around beating the odds and so far it's worked brilliantly.

[RobertWQ]

No, it's exactly what everyone else suggested. Tell her and then, obviously, don't see her or contact her again until she breaks up (if she does break up).

Oh, I thought you meant tell her and continue contact.


Part of why I want to date her is because I like her company more than most women / people I've met anytime recently.


I could handle being friends if she stays with her boyfriend and dating other girls.


To BU, I agree with what you're saying. I guess I have read much of her behavior as romantic interest, whether I am correct or not, it's difficult to tell. I may just have to be proved one way or the other about it to know.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I may just have to be proved one way or the other about it to know.

This much I can tell. That's why I said you should just go for it your way, that way there's no regrets about the way you did it, no matter the outcome.

[HeartIsAching]

Ok, for those of you who have seen my other threads, you probably know about that asian girl who was my partner in bio lab this semester I like who has a boyfriend but has been flirting with or at least very friendly with me.

I like her, and I know that she likes me also. I don't know if she wants to break up with her boyfriend of 2.5 years, but I know she does like me and wants to continue a relationship of some form.

Here's how I know:


- The semester is over, and there is no school related reason for us to continue talking. However, she told me she owed me for all the help I gave her this semester and said she wants to treat me to lunch.

- Today was our final in bio lecture. Before the final she came and found me where I was sitting and we chatted, touching, etc. AFTER the final (I stayed the whole period) she just happened to be leaving exactly when I was and came over to me and she walked me to the light rail station, and I hugged her. When she was talking to me I could see something in her eyes that to me seemed like affection / love / being moved / emotion, or something like that (not my best area).



Anyway, so I want to have lunch with her over Winter vacation at least, but I also don't like being in such limbo with respect to her boyfriend.


So I figure there are two choices basically:


- I can try to seduce her, break her and her boyfriend up, and make her my girlfriend. I think this would be a mess for several reasons. For one, it may not work and make things uncomfortable, for another, I'm not the best at this type of thing; it could also cause a real mess given she's in a relationship, etc.



- So here is what I'm thinking of doing. I have lunch with her, and I basically tell her: "I like you. And I know you have a boyfriend. However, if anything happens with you guys, if you break up or whatever and you are interested in that point, I think you'd make a wonderful girlfriend / I'd like to date you. And in the meantime, I think we enjoy each other's company and can be friends."


Is this the best way to handle it? I feel like if I'm not upfront, then I'll be in limbo feelings-wise about this girl, and it could go on and on without anything happening other than me posting her about what that thing she did or said today might mean about whether she wants to date me now or not.


However, is this likely to make things awkward between us or something along those lines? And, is there ANOTHER, better way to handle this that I'm not thinking. Ladies, your help / advice would be very appreciated.

Don't try to break them up. Be VERY aware that a woman that will break with a guy to be with you will likely do the same to you. If she break up with him and is available, make a move... otherwise, do nothing other than be available. If she DOES break up with him, then go ahead and make a move.

[RobertWQ]

I agree. You may be right about the best way to approach it. She knows I like her. If she wants something new, she knows where to find it. I like her company. In the meantime, since she has a boyfriend, I should be focusing my romantic energies on available women.

[basilandthyme]

And you never had another guy in mind when you did this? That is the ideal way to go about it. I just don't think that's true for a lot of women. I mean I think a lot find a guy before they leave the current one, especially if they feel particularly vulnerable.

No, there was never anyone else in mind. I always knew it wouldn't be hard to find a new boyfriend when I was ready.

[basilandthyme]

I agree. You may be right about the best way to approach it. She knows I like her. If she wants something new, she knows where to find it. I like her company. In the meantime, since she has a boyfriend, I should be focusing my romantic energies on available women.

May I have your permission to copy and paste this next time you start a post about her?

[RobertWQ]

Lol yeah. She doesn't take compliments well from me anyway. She's not available in the way I'd like her to be. I can't force someone to like me, to like themselves, and to be available to what I want. She's got her own thing going.

[searock]

She doesn't take compliments well from me anyway.

Which is a clear indicator that she isn't interested in you. I think you should cut contact, if you keep seeing her you'll just waste emotions and energies over a woman that does not reciprocate your interest. What you have is not friendship: friends aren't attracted to each other, not even one-way.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I think you should go for it.