I am the scum of the earth and i want to stop!

[Darkmoon3778]

Well before i begin i'll say a few quick worlds about myself.
I live in denmark, i am 23 years old, originally from south america.

Before i begin please know that i admit that there is something wrong with me so please refer from the ''that is not love comments''.
Up until now actually 2 days before Christmas i was together with my 60th girl.

In the past i had a girlfriend for nearly 6 years and we broke up recently, i'll admit that i was not always the best boyfriend in fact i cheated on her a few too many times. I felt as though our sex life was empty at times and therefore began to play outside, i know it does not make it right but every time i had sex with somebody other than her i felt like killing myself afterwards.

We recently decided to break up and each go our separate ways, and recently i have begun to notice a problem that is Disturbing my well being.

When i am by myself i feel like i love seriously ''love'', all my booty calls and even some of my friends, but as soon as i come either by having sex or by playing my entire interest in all those girls just vanishes, and 10 minutes later i love them once more... creating a very disturbing mental cycle.

I know that i deserve to be slapped and what not for all the horrible things that i have done but i simply do not know how to stop,
the 60th girl i actually loved her, and my feelings for her did not vanish after sex but then she betrayed me and we dont really talk much anymore, and as soon as i felt betrayed (i deserve it) i just gave up on her and began feeling sorry for myself by doing what i always have done.

Can somebody tell me whats wrong with me?
I dont feel like i good person, i feel like a horrible horrible person but i just dont know how to stop.
What i feel is genuine love until the ''need'' is not there anymore...

For those curious my booty calls know about this problem, so i am not lying to them, but i just wish i could find a way to stop doing what i am doing.

I have tried simply ignoring those feelings, but that simply destroys my everyday life after a few weeks with awkward boners that dont go away and thoughts of nothing but sex filling my entire head.
The need is not there 24/7 - and i can work without any problems normally... however if more than 1-2 weeks pass its there that the problems or withdrawal symptoms begin to show, sometimes a month may pass before i feel anything and other times a day or 2 is enough.

I want to be an honest person and find a girl, the right girl and i am continuously searching because i feel as though there is a huge hole in my chest that i cant fill up, however something always happens that makes me loose interest... The hole in my chest in not because of the break up, i was more happy than i have ever been before when we still were together, but there was always something missing.

That is not suppost to say that i am a jerk that just uses everybody, the only people that know this side of me are my regular booty calls.
But i feel bad that i have had sex with nearly all my female friends, and the search for the girl of my dreams just keeps adding more to the list.

To most people i meet i am a nice guy, i dont smoke, i dont really drink that much, i'd say i am fairly good looking, the problems just lies beneath the surface always creeping around the corner.

i APPRECIATE any advice not matter how rought or evil it is

[4 ratties]

You really do need counseling or to read some self help books. U don't know how to control your emotions and you have a very unhealthy way of expressing your sexuality.

[basilandthyme]

If you want to change, get professional help.

[honeypie]

There's usually one explanation for this kinda behaviour but I would rather want to write to you privately - is that okay?

[hatesthis]

Sounds like you have a sex addiction issue, you can join a therapy group to help you. Do you masturbate a LOT too, always thinking about sex, or sexual thoughts, if you could get that under control you might be able to have a committed relationship but it won't happen on its own, wishing for it to happen you have to put in the time and work to make it happen. Or you'll be stuck where you are for a long time.

[smackie9]

It's not the sex but the high (as you describe as love) you get from the chase that controls you, which to some can be as addictive as heroin. I agree you are showing signs of sex addiction. You are at a point where you feel helpless, out of control and it's damaging your relationships and taking over your life. Helping you will take more than a few advices on a relationship website. Yes it's time for you to seek out professional help.

[Wakeup]

i know it does not make it right but every time i had sex with somebody other than her i felt like killing myself afterwards.

This is how addicts feel after they keep doing what they know is destroying their life but they can't stop. Join a 12 step programme like Sexaholics Anonymous or seek professional help with your addiction.

Doing the same thing over and over when you know yourself that its detremental to your happiness is something that we can't help you with. You need professional guidance, a will to change for good and the support of others like yourself that are now clean and sober.

Good luck, Know that continuing to do nothing will result in nothing changing.