She ended it 2 weeks ago, Is there chance?

[vnx]

Hi All,

My girlfriend of 2 years ended it 2 weeks ago officially for the first time in our relationship. I've had time to cry and accept it but deep down I'm still trying to work out why this has happened and why we cant get a second shot at it?

Before I go into detail the reason we broke up was because over the last 4-6 months she said she hasn't been feeling the same way as I have become distant, we dont do stuff together, we dont talk much and I dont help her out around the house etc. This built up gradually and I guess she just snapped at couldn't take it any more. Now there is a reason why I went like that, ever since high school I was psychologically bullied and therefore they only cloesure I got where I felt safe was to go into a "Shell" and shut out the world, In the end I pushed my family and friends away and kept myself to myself. Now when I met this girl she changed that and I felt me again . However over the last few months due to stresses at work and a few friends ive gone back into a "shell" so to speak and shut everyone out, making her feel ive been neglecting her.

When she broke up with me I did text her a few times and then sent her 2 letters. One to explain how sorry I was etc and the last letter said I accept her decision but thanked her for the "wake up" call and I have taken steps to sort myself out.

This is our first propper break up and I struggle to accept that this is it for us. I know I had my faults but this has been a wake up call and im in the process of sorting it out. We were so good together and she even said herself that if I hadnt of "shelled" up and paid more attention to her etc then we probally wouldnt be in this situation.

How do I convince her we are good together and that we can make it work. I know it takes 2 in a relationship and I cant force her but I find it so hard after 2 good years she can end it like that.

Any views?

[Boisdevie]

YOu can't force her to give you a second chance. Accept this and move on. Does that sound unfair? Well, that's real life isn't it?

[smiling100]

It's only 2 weeks since you broke up. It will take a few months at least to move on.

I'm at 6 months & only starting to feel myself again. At 3 months I still felt like crap.

My advice is as hard as it is to do go no contact & slowly you will disconnect from her. Staying in contact will only prolong your healing.



Good luck

[chinagirl]

You need to get therapy. It seems like you have unresolved childhood issue (being bullied) that takes you to an isolated place where no one can reach out to you. That's a big problem especially if you are in a relationship. Your partner should be able to feel that you are completely there with her 100%.

Let her know that you are going to get help to resolve your issues and see if she will be receptive to that.

At least, that's the first step you can do.

[vnx]

It's only 2 weeks since you broke up. It will take a few months at least to move on.

I'm at 6 months & only starting to feel myself again. At 3 months I still felt like crap.

My advice is as hard as it is to do go no contact & slowly you will disconnect from her. Staying in contact will only prolong your healing.



Good luck

Thanks for your help.

I just find it wierd that she said "I only love you as a friend" and she said she dosent want to loose me or cut off my family as we're like a second family to her. Yet I asked her the other day to go for a walk or pop round for tea but she ignored me and havnt heard from her since :/

I dont want to cut her from my life, but I guess if it has to be done.

- - - Updated - - -

You need to get therapy. It seems like you have unresolved childhood issue (being bullied) that takes you to an isolated place where no one can reach out to you. That's a big problem especially if you are in a relationship. Your partner should be able to feel that you are completely there with her 100%.

Let her know that you are going to get help to resolve your issues and see if she will be receptive to that.

At least, that's the first step you can do.

Thanks ChinaGirl.

Just to let you know that I am seeking counselling for this. As I dont want to ruin another relationship. I want move on from this and not shell up at every little thing.

[smiling100]

I just find it wierd that she said "I only love you as a friend" and she said she dosent want to loose me or cut off my family as we're like a second family to her. Yet I asked her the other day to go for a walk or pop round for tea but she ignored me and havnt heard from her since :/

I dont want to cut her from my life, but I guess if it has to be done.

All words & no action. You just got the evidence from her not getting back to you. Go no contact & move on. Clear your head/cry/shout what ever you have to do to grieve. Then one day you will meet someone else. Staying in contact with your ex will halt your progress of this happening as you will compare every new girl to your ex.

Imagine if you stayed in touch on a regular basis & one day she tells you "hey guess what?" "I've got a boyfriend"

How would that make you feel? Horrible I guess.

Well until you could actually here those words & feel ok you know it's time you can be friends with her & that is going to take time. Probably a minimum of 2 months maybe 6 months, maybe 1 year? 2 years? maybe never? Only time will tell ")