Hi Everyone
I am 28 years old and in a relationship from 2 years. We started as a casual dating as he insisted. He was not sure if we were a good match as he was pretty open about relationships and had lots of girlfriends in past. Booze and party was half of his life. We were good friends and then I ended up having feelings for him. I told him about this and then he came up with casual dating idea. I knew it from starting that our thinking and living style does not match. I had 1 boyfriend before him who cheated on me and that was the only relationship experience ever had.
So we started dating and first 3 months were horrible. I wanted to be with him but he was not at all serious given that we were casual dating. He wanted it to be more like open relationship. It hurt me that time and slowly he did got feelings for me. 6-7 months later he said we should take a step forward to seriously date each other. I was happy. I changed myself for him. (I am from a conservative family and he is very open minded). I still had problem from his drinking habit and thinking about other girls. Then he promised he will cheat on me but if he is drunk and will do a mistake I should forgive him.
I was bit hard on me but I accepted it thinking it would never happen. Then he told we will get married in near future. Then we told our parents about us. Being honest we were not perfect for each other we started changing ourselve for each other. I always explaiend him why so much drinking and carelessness in not goo, how we should be focused on our goals. At same time he made me realize that we need not be serious all the time. How to party ( I was a nerd!)…… but somewhere in my heart I was not satisfied…. We moved in together and I ended up haing a role of housewife cum working woman…later he had a trouble getting job and that’s when I noticed we are not getting into bed at all…Everytime I ask him he said I am stressed out because of job situation I cnt perform. Thenhe got job ..life got a little better but I was not happy with he being lazy all the time …watching TV and then asking me what did you cook for today….He never helped me to clean house and someime when I get frustrated I asked him about this. We end up fighting. I know this type of things happens. He is not affectionate one, he dnt like to cuddle and he dnt like all that puppy love and I do. I feel this kind of love lacking (I know its bit childish, but I like it). Then here comes our familes into the scene. Initally my parents didn’t like this relationship. We made them agree. His parents were very happy the day they talked to me. They are happy that their son is going to marry a girl who is earning more than him and very career focused as compared to their son, they know I take care of him nicely and force him to do few things and change habbits (I am not praising myself, I am telling this from practical aspect..thats what his mom told me)…They know I am ambitious, hard working and strive for growth…
Now here at this time I want to be the woman of house, tender who wants to be taken care of. But when I think about myself, I am acting more like man of the house. Doing everything from paying bills to managing accounts, doing groceries to cooking , cleaning and washing. When he did not had money on him I gave him that money. He returned that money over the span of two years and his parents always knew that. Today I need some money for urgent matter and I cant afford a big amount. I asked him if he can help, he said he can give some his salary to me after paying his loan installment. His parents are rich and they have savings. He told me that his parents will help me if I ask help. I talked to his dad and his dad clearly said no that they dnt have money. Later he said talk to my mom so his mom said no too. But yesterday his mom called nad said she get money for me from someone and I have to pay interest on it. Well I am ok with that but I know its no one else , its her own money. I am ok with it as long as I can handle my urgent matter.
Now here is the twist in story, I joined new job 6 months back. When I got friendly with my colleagues they asked my relationship status. I told them that I am in relationship and thinking about getting married soon. At work I am facing a situation..people have their own groups and few people does show attitude. Since I am new and from different nationality, it took a bit more to mix with them. Initially I used to go for coffee and lunch alone. There was this old lady at work about my mom’s age who was nice to me. She started joining me for coffee. Later I realized that other people think we hang alone and they kind of took it as group thing again. I again tried to invite them for coffee or lunch but things did not work well. While other people slowly changed 3 of them (who have pretty much lead on everyone else in terms of group) did not became friendly. Even in morning if I say good morning they will not reply. I can see plain face. If I am walking and see them, I smile they don’t smile at all. This is overwhelming for me and I try to ignore them. I told my manager about a rude incident (which happened a few weeks before), he said such kind of thing Is not acceptable nad they did talk to those people. But after this talk, things got worst and these people actually sure that they will ask everyone to hang out with them and leaving me alone. They try be good with old lady and take her with them and leaving me alone. I bear this because I know I am here for work and not to play politics.
I am in project where people from outside companies also work. I always heard about this guy A from another company who everyone says is very nice and humble. So I met him 2 months back. When I met him, I was taken aback. He is the guy who will be admired by any girl. So decent so nice and humble. The group of people about whom I talked above they are friends to these people too. So whenever outside people are here they go for lunch and other activities.
So I met this guy, he took a sudden interest in me (I sensed it) and we did had few talks (not many). He visited office thrice after that for a week every time. We did talk and now I am thinking about him. Whenever I am in his cubicle his head turns toward me, I noticed that. May be he is just friendly, but I am taking interest in him. He is single and he knew I am committed. All I know now is this is the guy I want to spend my life with.
I like to be next to him and want to talk to him. At same time I realize that I cant do it and if I ll do its going to be bad for me. He was here this week. I tried not to talk to him on Tuesday (that happened unintentionally) I was walking with my teammate talking about project and I saw he was walking right after us. When we were at escalators even though he was with other people he kept looking on me (I noticed this from side eye) and later when we were in meeting room I caught him looking at me. But I did not look at him or talk to him. I think he thought it was rude and then rest of day he did not talk to me (not even a bit of conversation)..later I went for some work in his cubicle and talked to him. He was normal after that. Yesterday we were talking few times here and ther. I don’t know if he likes me or not (why I am even thinking about it..i am in a relationship)….but this is it..today he left for his city... and I am sad…. I really wish if I was single…I would have been with the man of my dreams…. (it is so stupid now to think like this)
Guys now you known whole story…could you please tell me what is happening here? Why I am not happy with my current relationship? Do I love my boyfriend? What is wrong with me? About my work situation…how should I handle this? I am new to culture and don’t want any stress? How to avoid all this situation.?? And about Mr.A, what should I do? I really wish he is with me for my entire life….You guys out there are experienced and wiser than me for sure…please advice your friend here…