Resenting my boyfriend for hurting me

[VelvetFox]

Hello everyone! Long time lurker on this forum. Hope you're all well. I'm hoping you might have some advice for me.

Two months ago, I (22) broke up with my boyfriend (23) because he was basically heading towards depression. He said he still cared about me, but didn't feel like making the effort any more and that he didn't see that getting any better. He had become very self obsessed for the last four months of our relationship (together for 18 months) and generally was less affectionate and caring. He wasn't the dynamic, fun man I'd met at university. He gave me little choice but to end it there and then; I don't think he was anticipating that. I'd told him to get professional help about 3 weeks before but he said he didn't want to. We'd had a great relationship up until those final months so it broke my heart to have to tell him to leave, but I didn't want to get dragged down by someone who wasn't willing to help themselves.

About a month later he messaged me saying he wish he could take those 15 minutes back, that he still loves me and misses me so much. He wakes up every day wishing I was next to him. He says he's improved himself and is a lot better mentally, and that he's happier with every aspect of his life except me not being in it.

We have met up a couple of times since but my feelings of anger are still present. He has pissed me off a couple of times since too which I would have let slide if we were happy and together, but now just infuriates me more as I feel like he should be doing more to win me back (i.e. missed my call where I was going to say "let's give this another chance" which he knew I was making a decision on, but texted asking if my call was important because he was off to watch the World Cup game with his mates, and secondly a picture of him cudding some random girl at a stag do appeared on Facebook, which his mate apparently told him to do to try and blag a cigarette off her for him. I believe it was a stupid, laddy, drunken moment but it's not something I want to see). He is so tactless it's unreal.

I think my weakness is that I have trouble forgiving. I was wronged by a guy I was seeing before my boyfriend, and when I called him out on it he couldn't look me in the eye for 8 months as he knew I was right. In hindsight I could have forgiven him earlier and perhaps saved our friendship but I was bitter inside. Now I'm wondering if I'm doing the same here.

I think I do still love my boyfriend, but my resentment is eating me up (I'm also currently looking for a job and have other life stresses right now) and I wonder if I'll regret it if I let that push me away. At the same time I'm also worried that he'll relapse back into this apathy and I'll get hurt again, and wondering if I deserve better than this, as I think my boyfriend still has a lot of growing up to do.

Am I in the wrong now or is he still wronging me? How do I stop resenting him? Do I deserve better? Do I fight for this or let it go?