Weird situation

[lover145]

Hi everyone,
Having massive relationship problems ATM. Long story short I met my gf online..talked for a year online. Met up a few times, ended up moving to the same city as her. And now we r officially together for 8 months.

Earlier in our relationship (about 3 months in) I had suspicions she was involved with another guy..she would hide text msgs, our night time fone calls got shorter..everytime I brought it up she would get angry. so I took things in my own hands and did something extremely unethical. I made up a fake facebook profile of the guy I suspected she was chatting to and msged myself and showed her the message. This is something I am not proud of. She fully freaked out..without prompt She admitted she was in an online relationship with this guy from America while being in a real life relationship with me.. This guy even planned to move country for my girlfriend and they were planning to meet up. This absolutely crushed my self esteem..I felt like I was not good enough..all I tried to be was a good bf to my gf but it seemed like moving city for this girl to show my love was not enough. We both strongly believed we were soul mates. We had a huge fight but I decided to forgive her.

As the relationship went on I couldn't entirely get over this situation. I couldn't fully trust her. I even suspected she was contacting her ex who was in the same city as us.. I became paranoid. Worrie. Even obsessive. Something I never was before..I made up a few more fake profiles to ease my insecurity...she always reassured me nothing was going on with her ex and she was in love with me.

All of this kept worrying me throughout the relationship. Then all of a sudden the guilt of me making the fake profiles hit me as I c myself as an honest person. So I admitted to my gf 2 days ago the fake profiles were me to discover her online bf in America..then once I found out it became an addiction as I was extremely insecure. if I left her, I'd be in a big city all by myself. I moved for her..I left my life and friends behind for her and i feel a tad depressed of the person I've become..this is not me.

Surprisingly, my gf forgave me. She freaked out in the beginning but as I explained myself she said she understood why I did it. But now I'm having trouble letting go of my lie. I started to get tension headaches stomach pains stiff neck and a racing heart. Saw the doc and he said I have anxiety..he's put me on antidepressants now which have helped a little bit. This has hurt me as I'm always the happiest and joking type of person.

My gf was very worried about me and was trying to call me numerous times as she knows I've been in physical pain..I didn't pick up because I didn't feel like talking to her or anyone. I gave in and picked on eventually and she said "I want to be with u.no one else. .I've made mistakes and so have u..but I forgive u..I love u. But it seems like U haven't fully forgiven me..I'm not going to chase u anymore all I've tried to be is a caring gf and u have just pushed me away. I need some space now. Ive had a terrible week and I just want to have fun this weekend with my girls to cheer me up. We r still together. But it's up to u if u still want me."

Now here I am. In a city all alone. Unsure of what to do..I know I've made some bad mistakes. But dammit if I didn't make the fake profile I wouldn't have discovered her secret internet bf she planned to meet. I have deep feelings for this girl. I love her...but I feel so alone and don't know wat to do. I moved city for this girl and now I'm questioning if I made a big mistake..I can't go back to my old home city as I've fully established myself here now and got a good job.i still want to be with my gf..and so does she. But I don't know if I can let go of this all. This situation is pretty bad. Any advice?

[nico88]

Even though your girl didn't physically cheat on you she did emotionally. Which is still bad. I mean she was seeing another dude online..that's pretty messed up and it's normal for you to feel what you're feeling. It's hard to trust someone again after you discover something like that..I honestly wouldn't be able to do it. In the back of my head I'd always be thinking she was cheating on me again. You shouldn't have to worry about shit like that. A relationship is suppose to make you happy not stressed.

But I mean if you really want to work things out I'd suggest maybe some sort of couples therapy..

[TablesandChairs]

Some therapy will help; anti-depressants alone don't deal with issues, they merely suppress them a bit. Ask yourself; what's the worse than could happen? So she cheated and say you decide to break up; you won't die, life will go on and you will meet someone else. Sure, you'll be sad and a bit bruised, but life will continue.

What's your alternative? Stick your head under the blanket and shut the world out? Obsess over her cheating until you can't even function at a basic level? The more you feed anxiety, the worse it gets; it's a struggle to forgive but we do so for our own sake, not theirs. I've been lied to and cheated on, as have many others. The more you sit in idle and obsess about it, the more majestic the story becomes...our minds can built a castle out of a mole-hill if we allow it.

If you decide to forgive, then give it your all, legitimately. It doesn't work otherwise and you're wasting both your time. If you can't - then let her go. I've been lied to/cheated on...many people have. You can't let it disable you.

[lover145]

thanks for the advice guys...i feel kind of bad about making up the fake accounts to find out she was cheating though...makes me look like a freak.