My girlfriend says a connection is everything, but she doesnt feel right with me :(

[Haniel Dollis]

Hello,

I would really appreciate your advice / opinions and whether any of you have experienced this in any of your relationships. Sorry is a bit long, have tried condensing!

I met this amazing woman middle April (Jenny) she is 33, I am 27.

I asked her out end of May. Things going great, we said we both love each other (sounds immature after only three months but I have never felt this way about any other relationship I have been in, and she said outwardly herself)

Then recently she starts getting a bit distant.

She came out and said that being with me didn't feel right, that she felt a connection with me but went over time (she didn’t say this in her own words, I asked if that was the case and she said yes)

She said that I am an amazing boyfriend, I am supportive, caring, loving, she loves making love with me, I am handsome, she loves my body and really cares for me (even said she has been really down since she broke up with me, lost all drive and said she misses me)

She said logically I am perfect but to her a connection is everything.

Jenny suggested we break up, which we did on Friday and try being friends and see how our connection is and go from there, as in go out and do things and I basically agreed it would be like getting to know eachother.

I went round hers last night to have dinner and have a go at the friends stage.

She gave me a massive hug when I came in. A little into the night ended up making out and having sex (which she instigated), she then wanted to snuggle with me a bit more before I left her to go back to mine. For some reason I said it wasn't fair confusing me, that she couldn’t have the best of both worlds.

I then text her on the way home that I wanted nothing more than to hold her in her arms, she said 'me too' and said goodnight but addressed me by my pet name she gave me.

As of today, she text me to say 'miss you' and we had a chat earlier in the week, and that is when she said she has been feeling really down, lack of drive etc.

She said she doesn't know what is going on with her, still wants to try and be friends but do things together and basically get to know eachother because we agreed things progressed really quickly.

I literally feel like I have met my soul mate (without even purposefully trying to find one)

On reflection, I guess this might be a good thing for us to do, because it will challenge us to really get to know eachother, and in the long run I hope we can get back together and this will make us stronger.

To update, I am going round there tonight for dinner, and Thursday we are going to go to the Cinema, we are also leaving little soundbytes and chatting on Whatsapp. This was cool, because this is something we used to do when we first met.

I realised that I can still do romantic things, sing to her while playing the acoustic guitar etc, but just remove the physical element from it, let her know I am thinking of her etc; and think outside the box and think of what we did together when we first met.

This makes me feel a little less hopeless in the situation at least.

I keep imagining in my mind that she will say she loves me and she made a mistake and wants me as a boyfriend again, but if it goes the other way I will be so heartbroken.

Has this situation happened to any of you before? What did you do, what happened, what was the outcome etc? Any feedback would be much appreciated

[TablesandChairs]

Well she's 33, at that age, if a woman is still confused, then she probably should get un-confused soon rather than later. Confused is for teenagers and young adults.

She either wants you or she doesn't. My partner and I said 'I love you' after 3 weeks. We're now married. No confusion there. Sure, it moved quickly initially but I was 28 and he was in his 30's, we knew our own minds well enough. The 'friendship' thing is weird, you can't 'retrograde' a relationship and even if you could, what's the point? If she wasn't certain about you last week when you were her boyfriend, somehow she's going to develop certainty now that you're 'just' friends (who she still wants to have sex with?). She's feeding you stories.

[Haniel Dollis]

Ok thanks for your info, Tables And Chairs. Yes the friendship thing is a bit weird, it does seem a bit of a step backwards. This did initially worry me, but now I see it as an opportunity to work on our emotional connection, checking how much we have in common etc. But its good to hear you said the 'I love you' within 3 weeks as that is similar to what we went through, and that it is normal