My girlfriend says having a connection is everything, she does not feel right with me

[Haniel Dollis]

Hello,

I would really appreciate your advice / opinions and whether any of you have experienced this in any of your relationships. Sorry is a bit long, have tried condensing!

I met this amazing woman middle April (Jenny), I asked her out end of May. Things going great, we both love eachother (sounds immature after only three months but I have never felt this way about any other relationship I have been in, and she said outwardly herself)

Then recently she starts getting a bit distant.

She came out and said that being with me didn't feel right, that she felt a connection with me but went over time.

She said that I am an amazing boyfriend, I am supportive, caring, loving, she loves making love with me, I am handsome, she loves my body and really cares for me (even said she has been really down since she broke up with me, lost all drive and said she misses me)

she said logically I am perfect but to her a connection is everything.

Jenny suggested we break up, which we did on Friday and try being friends and see how our connection is and go from there, as in go out and do things and I basically agreed it would be like getting to know eachother.

I went round hers last night to have dinner and have a go at the friends stage.

She gave me a massive hug when I came in.

A little into the night ended up making out and having sex (which she instigated), she then wanted to snuggle with me a bit more before I left her to go back to mine. For some reason I said it wasn't fair confusing me, that she couldnt have the best of both worlds.

I then text her on the way home that I wanted nothing more than to hold her in her arms, she said 'me too' and said goodnight but addressed me by my pet name she gave me.

As of today, she text me to say 'miss you' and we had a chat earlier, and that is when she said she has been feeling really down, lack of drive etc.

She said she doesn't know what is going on with her, still wants to try and be friends but do things together and basically get to know eachother because we agreed things progressed really quickly.

I literally feel like I have met my soulmate (without even purposefully trying to find one)

On reflection, I guess this might be a good thing for us to do, because it will challenge us to really get to know eachother, and in the long run will make us stronger.

I keep imagining in my mind that she will say she loves me and she made a mistake and wants me as a boyfriend again, but if it goes the other way I will be so heartbroken.

Has this situation happened to any of you before? What did you do, what happened, what was the outcome etc? Any feedback would be much appreciated

[CrasherRob8]

You two have been dating for 2 months, known eachother for 3. She says she felt a connection at first but not anymore? But you two broke up as bf/gf but continue to act like it?

She either doesn't know what she wants or perhaps got scared by things progressing so quickly. My advice, take it slow and see where it leads. How old are both of you?

[Haniel Dollis]

CrasherRob,
Argh I replied to this yesterday but it does not look like it has appeared. Yes we are going to try as friends and work on our connection that way. We got a bit carried away as we are very attracted to eachother, so no problem connection wise in that sense. I am 27, she is 33.
Ok thanks for the advice, yes I guess taking it slow, getting to know her a lot better will be beneficial in the long run for both of us

[woody]

This lack of connection she speaks of could be in and of herself, meaning, she may be slightly depressed and projecting this on the two of you.
You must be supportive. Talk to her.

And it does not matter who instigated relations, nor does the claim that it isn't fair to play with your emotions.
You and She decided mutually to offer space, to get to know one another all over again. So you must allow this new realm to exist. Don't over analyze. You are her friend and her lover. Keep it simple.
I would however ask her if she's been feeling depressed and for how long and if so, suggest seeing a Dr.
Again, this disconnection could be from herself by herself and have little to do with you and her.

[Haniel Dollis]

Woody, thanks for your insight. I do just want to support her. We hung out yesterday and it was weird in terms of getting to know her again as at times I felt like we were strangers. Right now I am a bit messed up from being hurt by all this and I think I feel a bit of resentment and don't know if I want anything to do with her. Very confusing but then she sent me a naked pic of her just now, and it has got me feeling a bit of hope that she does want to get back with me, she just needs this time to think things through (as she said so herself) and now I feel a bit more enthusiastic. I don't think she is messing me around on purpose, but to some people it may appear that way