Lost the love of my life due to issues caused by my low Testosterone levels!!! Help!

[MCguy]

I just got out of a 3 year relationship. I posted on here a two part thread that was titled "when change must happen". I was blaming myself for so many things I've done to my gf over the past 1.5 years. Now that I realize it, I feel awful and blame myself for everything. Well after doing some research I started looking up and searching for answers on how I was so blind of what I was doing. I finally got thinking, about a year ago I started going to a clinic trying to figure out why I had certain stomach issues. After running a lot of test I ended up being allergic to Gluten. After excluding gluten I started to feel better and my stomach issues almost vanished. While they ran all those test they also ran my testosterone levels along with estrogen. My testosterone levels came back at a 35 on their scale which went up to 110. They want the average male to be between 80-110. So I was terribly low on testosterone. Now that I've done research and looked more into it I ran across a link about IMS. you can look it up by searching for IMS low testosterone.

If you open it you'll notice a list of things on how a person can react when they have low T. I was almost able to see that each and every single one on the list applied to myself. I can reflect back to our relationship earlier on and I didn't react to her like I did in the past year and half. I was quick to doubt her, or when doing things I'd make her feel like she was worthless. I didn't know I was doing it. I wasn't direct in saying anything to her hurtful. Lets say if we were doing a task, and she didn't grasp the idea, I would just step in and do it myself instead of being patient and working with her. Every time I would do that I was in essence telling her non verbally that she wasn't important. I can now see where I did this so many times in the past. Over time I became more impatient, more anxious, shorter temper, list goes on. I can see why she left me now that I understand.

My problem is now that I see its medically wrong I see its fixable. I might have had a few flaws as any person has, but they were multiplied many many times due to my chemical imbalance going on inside my body. I'm currently going back to my doctor to see what my current levels are, and reasons why. I might have to be on injections for the rest of my life. What's sad is that I've lost the love of my life over something medically wrong. She's asked me to not contact her, and with my current state its harder than ever to cope with my lost. I'm afraid she'll never understand that the whole time I was negative with her was due to Testosterone. Plus if she does ever learn that was wrong with me, will she even still contact me. Will she be afraid and ashamed at herself for leaving me over something I couldn't notice? I want to think that I'll never hold anything against her for leaving me in such a state, but afraid I might accidently show her I'm a little upset if we do ever talk.

She was able to give me her all in the past, I wanted to give her my all. I had full love for her, but was never able to open up and talk about issues as they came along. I've always been bad at doing so, but worst than ever recently. She wanted to talk to me about our issues while I was stressed switching jobs and I pushed her away by saying bad things. I went back to those text and didn't even remember sending them. I wasn't able to focus on her for that moment, and by her trying to communicate aggravated me I guess. This has been a growing issue of my own. It wasn't anything she was doing to cause me to be that way. It wasn't anything I was purposely doing. I'm now finding out that it was and still is my current Low T.

Questions I wonder is, will she ever be able to understand. Will she be able to ever forgive me. Is there a possible good out come for the two of us in the future. I know only time can tell, but I'm curious if anybody else ever went through this before or something similar. Also looking for other people's input on my situation. Another thing too is maybe someone else will see this and notice something similar going on in their life. I can give feed back too on future outcome and also test results to confirm the severity of my situation. I'll be looking forward to any questions or interest on this. Thanks.

[Wakeup]

Why don't you address this with her instead of us. Ask her out to coffee or a drink and explain to her what was wrong with you. If she won't go, then at least then you can get on with finding someone new.

You are taking treatment for your condition, right? Sorry if you mentioned and I missed that you are.

[MCguy]

I'm waiting on results as I type this. I already know they are not right, its just how bad. Most likely will be on injections my whole life. I'm only 24 going on 25 is what's sad.

As far as talking to her, right now she will just see this as an excuse. For me to just move on, I'll need the help of my testosterone being that of which a healthy person should be. I've never had high levels, but it use to be a little better out of high school. I would like for her to hear me out, but she's shutting me out completely. Tried emailing her after she asked for no contact and she didn't even read it and then deleted it. She has an aunt that deals with mean everyday due to she's a therapist. So I'm put in that bracket of typical man, though I was influenced by my current state. Her aunt is helping her stay strong and keep the NC rule. I cant keep trying to contact her, I'll just keep pushing her away. Maybe someday she'll hear me out, but by then she may have moved on completely and I'll be forced to find someone else. She was the one, I waited 5 years for her. Saying this, I was her first everything, she has no one to compare me to. She does know how I was the first year and half. If we had any issues they were so minor I cant even remember and wasn't that big of a deal. Who knows though, I keep telling myself only time will tell. I'm looking forward though to getting my testosterone raised and having motivation to do the things I've always enjoyed. Plus our intimacy dropped too during our relationship. She just hates how I was with her so bad she just wants to move on. I was raised better, and knew better, but was blind.

I go kayaking/canoeing a lot, and have been the past 6 years. Well when you go for a long float and planning the trip for everyone it can be just a little hard to get everything right. We'll I've always been the type to handle stress well, and figure out solutions no problem. Now that I'm reflecting on the past even couple months I found one thing I see now that I had a problem with. We went on a kayaking/canoeing trip and I planned it for everyone. I know remember that I struggled figuring out how to set up the pickup/drop off points. Such an easy thing to do. I just didn't catch it and start seeing earlier on that my high stress levels at work and already low T was starting to only allow me to focus on one thing at a time.

It's a true shame that she left me over something I was ignorant of and was fixable. Yes we all have our flaws, but mine was multiplied so much she couldn't stand it. Low T is a real problem.

[shortyrock]

I'm confused as to what you were doing that caused you to lose her that was medically related?

[MCguy]

By my Testosterone levels being low, I caused me to have IMS. Which is here are some of the characteristics of IMS. *Angry *Sarcastic *Tense *Argumentative *Frustrated *Demanding *Sad *Impatient *Anxious *hostile *Unloving *Withdrawn *Defensive *Dissatisfied.

I was quick to lose my temper and just want to do things on my own. I wouldn't have the patients to deal with her and explain things out, which every time I did this it forced her further away and not important. I was more demanding than ever, felt as if I needed her to be part of everything I did or I couldn't do it. I was more anxious, still am, than ever. I'm still waiting on my final results on a holiday weekend. They said they had them today, but now said they'll know Tuesday. When I would be upset about some things, I'd become more withdrawn than ever. I didn't show her the love that I use to. Nothing she did physically or anything caused this. It's not like I was attracted to other women. My sex drive was way down. Another sign to her that I wasn't into her as much. So I was both mentally abusive to some degree unknowingly, and not showing her the love that I actually had toward her.

This is how I lost her. My low T multiplied everything to such a level that I pushed her away. Sucks I didn't even notice. I became more and more unable to focus on multiple things. I'm still battling it now until I get started on Testosterone therapy. I should gain a lot back, and one will be my ability to make quicker decisions on a daily routine. I use to know exactly what I wanted, and make decisions quickly, but that's not how its been the past year.

Does any of this remotely make sense?

[Wakeup]

Honey... she was put in your life to teach you a lesson. Had she not left you, it's likely you'd never even think to get this looked at or corrected. That reason has been fulfilled now so its time for you to accept that it's over so that you can work on getting better and then when, in time, you've become indifferent to her, you'll be open in mind and heart and that much more dating savvy in order to find a compatible mate that you'll last a lifetime with.

Let it go and get on with your life and becoming the best you that you can be. You WILL find someone who fits with you better.

[shortyrock]

I'm sorry, but all of those things you listed scream character flaw and not medical issue.

[MCguy]

Thanks. Right now its just hard to accept the fact she's gone, and over something I didn't realize or honestly couldn't control. I'm starting hormonal therapy this coming week. I should notice a change right away. Thanks for reply.

- - - Updated - - -

shortyrock. If it were character flaw I would've been that way the whole time. I became the way I was while my stress levels increased and Testosterone levels dropped. Only for the past year and half. If you read up on IMS you'll read that a person going thru this will not even notice what they are doing. I'm not just looking for excuses, I'm finding out the truth. If I had normal levels of testosterone and no stress and was the way I was, then yes, it would be character flaw.

[Wakeup]

I suppose it's no different then when a woman starts to go through menopause and her estrogen levels drop to the point where she becomes a raving bitch.

Good for you for looking after yourself.

[MCguy]

That's exactly like it was, except mine was more or less 24/7. At least for the last year and half. I'm only sorry she suffered through it. It'll be rough the next couple months or longer. Testosterone therapy doesn't change much over night. Can be as little as 2 months up to 6 or more months. Hopefully I'll react quicker though, I could use the extra push right now. I'm working out everyday (walking 3-5 miles ) which helps me feel better. Once I get back to working I'll feel even better. Thanks for chatting Wakeup.

[MCguy]

Status update. I received my results back today for my testosterone levels. I have less than half of what a person my age should be at. It's nice to have answers that back my theory now. It's no longer a theory and its the truth. I acted in such a way that pushed my lover away due to low T. Simple . I wasn't who I really am.

Funny thing is, even how depressing it is, I'm very happy. I have a reason, its not my true inner self of what I was. I can change this and look forward to the future and finally be positive after 3 weeks of beating myself up. Yes I lost her, yes it'd be nice to have her again, yes I'll have to take expensive injections for the rest of my life. Up to 500 a month. She now knows the truth. So anything beyond this is 100% on her. I'm rid of my burden and can move on. I'll be lucky to even get her back as a friend. She was a wonderful person and we did enjoy doing things together. But I'm doubtful there. Oh well. We live, we learn, we fix, then we live even better. Thanks ya'll for talking some, and maybe some how this is helpful to other people out there.

[pcmaster]

You could do bettter with older girl who dont need so much sexuality in relationship. Good that you accept past and who you are without regrets but looking at it from positive side.

[MCguy]

LOL. yeah, she was spunky, that's for sure. She was always ready. I just wasn't, plus my mood, etc. A bunch of contributing factors. I'm starting T replacement therapy tomorrow. In the future, if she doesn't come around that's fine, I'll find another girl that's better. I do regret what happened, but wasn't my in my control. Future is though. Thanks pcmaster.