i lost the love of my life..

[weakness85]

My boyfriend who is also the love of my life broke up with me....he isn't speaking to me at all... i feel so pathetic for feeling so devastated and being a crying wreck since it happened... im so tired of my heart being broken by the men in my life.... he wouldn't hug me or look at me he just kept telling me to leave... and i feel so stupid and pathetic for crying so hard infront of him.. i really do love him so much that it hurts so bad... i just want to be over it...he was telling me the day before how much he loved me and how he would die for me and the next day he throws me away like yesterdays garbage... we have a rough past that he could never get over which stopped us from working on our future... he feels unappreciated and I feel horrible for never telling him or showing him how much I appreciate him... I have had a lot of bad luck with past relationships and all of that trauma I put onto him... I try so hard not to think of him but even when I finally stop crying and can fall asleep he's in my dreams so I wake up and cry all over again... he is so angry and has blocked me out of his life completely but he still texts me to say cruel things to me he has an account on here and I read all the nasty things he wrote about me but I know this is how he is when he is upset which is be the cruelest person ever but I still don't care and cry for him everyday... I don't think he understands how much I love him and am willing to change any imperfection of mine for him.. I just wish he would talk to me... I miss him so much and I don't know how to live with out him, to top things off our Anniversary is next month.. I was his first love.. he is my last.. we could never have had a future because the past was always haunting us.... I want to get over this so bad.. but I will never be over him

[weakness85]

psychologically I am blowing relationships because I am afraid to trust them anyway.* that is, not trusting he will stick around for the long haul causes me to do things that will drive him away now.* its my brain or maybe my heart saying* i know you will leave me anyway so i will cut my losses now because it will be more painful later. More painful than this would probably have killed me

[Wakeup]

You've had a lot of bad luck with relationship because you don't even have a good one with yourself. You don't respect yourself, you don't love yourself, you don't believe you deserve a good man that will respect you and value you. Since you don't respect and value you, you are attracting like.

What was your life like when growing up? Do you have two supportive and loving parents? Are they good role models? Have you ever had therapy? Do you know anything about nuturing you inner child?

I don't think he understands how much I love him and am willing to change any imperfection of mine for him..

You can't change for "him." You need to do that for you (with the help of a professional or with some heavy duty reading self-help) You can't get better if you're talking to him. He's toxic to you and you to he so forget him and work on you or this will keep happening to you.

[beepertgirl15]

I know everything that you're going through and right about now I'm feeling pretty similar to the way you do too. But I know mine was brought on by me, I was the one that screwed up the relationship. We live together he told me he's not going to tell me the one day when I come home from work he's just going to be gone and that he's going to change number that he does not want me to ever call or text him ever again. That he felt that the last 6 years was a waste with me. That part broke my heart. After he calm down he started talking to me more rationally And asked me if I want him out of our home sooner. I told him that was a dumb question cuz I don't ever want him to leave. That I can feel it this time that its over. I wish there something I can tell you to make you feel better and to comfort you. And again don't mean to repeat myself but I know exactly how you feel and exactly what you're going through. Maybe he needs some time to cool off and you guys can talk over the issues that you're dealing with. But some of the things that was said to you was very cruel and heartless. Hope you can relax this weekend maybe go out with friends try to get your mind off things.

[weakness85]

He only posts on here when he is mad I only post when I am sad. Yes we ha e had a lot of blimps in the road but all the happy moments I have with him trump them all... if we sat down and wrote those we prob wouldn't seem so crazy.. when I think of all the happy moments we have had I start crying again, my favorite place to be was in his arms.. when he held me I was happy and content with everything and I miss it so much.. I had an abortion and as much as I told him to leave me alone he didn't and I'm glad he didn't because I needed him there.. anyone can sound crazy on here if you're ranting and raving but I know he can admit that we had some great moments and I will cherish them forever.. I hate that I will no longer know his touch, feel his arms around me or his lips and sweet kisses.. I'll never hear him tell me he loves me or how beautiful I am I won't see his smile or be able to see him happy... every great memory I have of him over shadows any bad moment there is a reason he is the love of my life.. he truly is an Amazing man and I hate that I've lost him.. I do agree that I have to work on myself before I could ever allow love back into my life if I would have gotten help to deal with my extremely troubled past I would have been able to treat him the way he should have been... I can only pray that time apart to work on each other will bring us back together.. but if not I wish him nothing but the best in life..I wish I could have said goodbye.. I was his first love but he is my last..

[Wakeup]

Looks like bassman is getting hoovered back in by thanking your words when you or he havent worked on any of your personal problems.

See u for a repeat thread once the "shine" wears off this latest reconciliation.

Smh

[Starnique]

She Is too wakeup lol. I saw that....I'm sure they're doing it tonight..that good ol make up sex, sweet talking and all of that this very moment lmao.

[weakness85]

Lol... no I'm sleeping alone tonight... no make up!