Should I tell her my feelings even though she's already in relationship?

[somethinglol]

Well, I've liked a girl for 3 years already, and finally I feel like I could tell my feelings to her. Sad thing is that she started her second relationship a week ago. I though that I will tell my feelings anyway, because I feel like a moment of courage like this won't come again. What do you think about this? I'm a relatively good friend with her, and I think I was rather important back in the days when I got to know her, since she had no male friends back then and she was a very shy person. Since then, we have talked, sometimes not for months, sometimes nearly daily on facebook and now in 2014 on whatsapp. In school she often starts talking with if we see each other and it's a good situation to talk, probably because we have never hanged together in our free time, and she wants to talk with me more in real life instead of sometimes in whatsapp

[MariaDoGato]

How would you like it if somebody did the same to you?
Imagine that she leaves the other one for you and then somebody else comes along, tells her how he feels, and she leaves you for this other one?
There are many other girls out there. Move on and don't ruin relationships.

[somethinglol]

How would you like it if somebody did the same to you?
Imagine that she leaves the other one for you and then somebody else comes along, tells her how he feels, and she leaves you for this other one?
There are many other girls out there. Move on and don't ruin relationships.

"Move on, move on". No I won't, it's unnecessary to keep saying this, it solves nothing (sorry, I've heard this enough). Why should I force myself to like someone I don't?

Well, I have actually thought about that scenario and of course it sucks, for all sides, and that's why I don't want to ruin any relationships. It's her call entirely, and I wouldn't break up either myself...

Also I already told my feelings to her under a strong effect of LSD, and it didn't go that well to be honest xD... Anyways I made my point more than clear and we had one long chat after that which was very nice, a lot better than before and it didn't feel like our friendship would've been ruined or negatively affected by my little confession.

[michelle23]

If she wanted to be with you it would have happened by now. You have wasted 3 years in the friendzone sitting back watching other men pursue her. Women are not attracted to men who don't have the confidence to make their intentions clear and then pretend to be her friend for years in the hope she will do all the work for you and ask you out.. you need to grow a pair and man up or this will keep happening. Stop being friends with girls and just bloody ask them out instead of wasting so much of hers and your time. This shit used to happen when I was like 16 with male "friends". I caught on quickly though and since then only made time for people who were assertive and confident enough to ask me out

[MariaDoGato]

You don't have to force yourself to like somebody! It happens when you least expect it. Obsessing over one single person is a waste of time and emotion.

[somethinglol]

If she wanted to be with you it would have happened by now. You have wasted 3 years in the friendzone sitting back watching other men pursue her. Women are not attracted to men who don't have the confidence to make their intentions clear and then pretend to be her friend for years in the hope she will do all the work for you and ask you out.. you need to grow a pair and man up or this will keep happening. Stop being friends with girls and just bloody ask them out instead of wasting so much of hers and your time. This shit used to happen when I was like 16 with male "friends". I caught on quickly though and since then only made time for people who were assertive and confident enough to ask me out

I have never understood this. Maybe I'm just inexperienced or naive, but this friendzone thing just sounds silly to me. Like it's somehow wrong to be a friend with a girl, or more likely that friendship and relationship have no connection. I don't understand how people can be like "Hey, I've known this person for two minutes, I think we should go for a date". I would never ask someone out until I first get to know her. It is not any "pretending"... Sure, I have always liked her in a romantic way, but I have liked her as a friend as well. Though, I'm not saying I did this on purpose or something, of course I should've asked her out a looong time ago. I just didn't have the confidence to do it. But anyway, it's done now, and it's a big question how our friendship will evolve from this point onward. Thank you for replies.

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You don't have to force yourself to like somebody! It happens when you least expect it. Obsessing over one single person is a waste of time and emotion.

Yup, and that's what happened with my two earlier crushes, but not this time.

[michelle23]

You can get to know someone from a distance without becoming their best friend. Dating is where you build a foundation of trust and friendship where you can take it slow before having a sexual relationship

Men and women are never just friends-not when they are that close. At least one will develop feelings and then it gets complicated. Its better to make your intentions known from the start to avoid this situation your in now.

So are you saying you will wait another 6months, a year, 3years and miss out on other potential girlfriends that would be interested in dating you? How much more time will you waste?

My advice: move on, cut the friendship, get over her and find a real gf. Your just infatuated by this girl, you have put her on a pedastal

[somethinglol]

You can get to know someone from a distance without becoming their best friend. Dating is where you build a foundation of trust and friendship where you can take it slow before having a sexual relationship

Men and women are never just friends-not when they are that close. At least one will develop feelings and then it gets complicated. Its better to make your intentions known from the start to avoid this situation your in now.

So are you saying you will wait another 6months, a year, 3years and miss out on other potential girlfriends that would be interested in dating you? How much more time will you waste?

My advice: move on, cut the friendship, get over her and find a real gf. Your just infatuated by this girl, you have put her on a pedastal

Why should I cut the friendship? I don't want to do that, and I won't do that. She's like the only good female friend I have, and I like talking to her, also as a friend. I agree it's better to make intentions clear right at the beginning, or at least hell of a lot earlier than I did (and while she's not in a relationship).

[michelle23]

Your not going to get over her if you stay friends. Plus your not friends. You want more, shes taken so that is why you should cut the friendship

[somethinglol]

Your not going to get over her if you stay friends. Plus your not friends. You want more, shes taken so that is why you should cut the friendship

Sure, it is a lot easier to get over if I stop contacting her, but like I said, we're friends and it's not like I'm just leaving her, especially when I really don't have much female friends. My point is that I'm rather her friend and still like her than no longer a friend but wouldn't like her either.

[michelle23]

Ok so why ask for advice then if your not willing to do anything to change the situation? Your still in the same boat now that you were when you asked. How is that working for you?

You could tell her look I cant be your friend coz I want more than that and you have a bf. Then disappear. Its a quick way to find out if she likes you and willing to end this new relationship or not

[CrasherRob8]

If you tell her you have feelings for her (while sober and not high on LSD), then there are a few different directions it could take. One she could feel betrayed thinking you stayed her friend for so long because you wanted to date her. Two she could feel very awkward and not want to be your friend anymore since you see her as more than just a friend and she does not feel that way. Third, she declines your advances but remains your friend.

More often than not it's one of the first two, however that doesn't mean the third is impossible.

[somethinglol]

Ok so why ask for advice then if your not willing to do anything to change the situation? Your still in the same boat now that you were when you asked. How is that working for you?

You could tell her look I cant be your friend coz I want more than that and you have a bf. Then disappear. Its a quick way to find out if she likes you and willing to end this new relationship or not

I'm sorry I'm like this, but I just can't understand that logic and that makes me totally opposed to it on the first place

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If you tell her you have feelings for her (while sober and not high on LSD), then there are a few different directions it could take. One she could feel betrayed thinking you stayed her friend for so long because you wanted to date her. Two she could feel very awkward and not want to be your friend anymore since you see her as more than just a friend and she does not feel that way. Third, she declines your advances but remains your friend.

More often than not it's one of the first two, however that doesn't mean the third is impossible.

it seems like the third option is most likely. We had one long and very nice chat on Whatsapp last friday, and despite a very awkward start, it pretty fast became similar to our numerous of old conversations, only a lot better this time.

[michelle23]

Okay good luck being on your own watching her marry someone else in 5years.. thats what will happen if you continue this way.

[Wakeup]

. I don't understand how people can be like "Hey, I've known this person for two minutes, I think we should go for a date". I would never ask someone out until I first get to know her.

How's that working for you so far, Slick?

Google "Ladder Theory" and educate yourself. You're wasting valuable dating years being women's male girlfriend.