First relationship - don't know own feelings/not satisfied with myself?

[Shou]

Hi everyone,

I've started my first relationship not too long ago. We've been dating for about 3 months now (first date was 3 months ago), we officially agreed to be boyfriend/girlfriend only a week ago (She asked if she can introduce me as her bf now, I said yes), but it was obvious before. We're both 21. Oh and I'm her first too. We cuddle a lot, but not much more yet. She started our first kiss (2 weeks ago), but we only had short pecks with closed mouth for now. Well, it was the very first kiss for both of us, so we're still a bit cautious I guess and also need practice ^^

So..
Because (or so i think) she's my first I'm kind of confused with my feelings.. There's many feelings which make me think I love her, but others which I don't know what to think of.
I miss her the moment we say goodbye. I see other women as I see guys, persons I'd never want to have a romantic relationship with. I get arroused only when I'm with her or think about her. I totally love it when she smiles, it makes me so happy and I want to do everything possible to make her smile more. I can't imagine a girl I'd like to be with more than her. When we're cuddling, I cuddle and caress her to see her smile, not just because I want to feel good. If she doesn't smile I don't feel right and stop.
What confuses me a bit though, I stopped getting that tingling feeling, which you normally get when seeing your "crush", after the first few dates. Is that strange or is it just me getting used to her?


What bothers me the most about myself though..
I feel bad about how I sometimes act around her (not specifically her; same with other people). I'm a very silent person and have a hard time coming up with topics to talk about or even responding in a way to make the conversation last.. which is not to say I don't talk with her at all, we did have long lasting conversations. But sometimes I just get all strange and can't talk normally anymore. Then I start to feel bad and when someone talks to me after that, I even change my voice unintentionally, I hate it..
At those times I always wonder if I don't bore her.. well I guess I don't else she wouldn't call me her bf.

It was her birthday party yesterday, with only girls I don't know beside her and I was very silent.. I loosened up a bit when we started playing some board games, but the times they were just talking to each other I just sat there and listened, not knowing what to say.. I felt sooo bad about it afterwards because it was her birthday and all and I was being my "strange" self a bit too much.. I think one of her friends even gave me strange looks because of that =/
I had some time alone with her before leaving which made me feel better, but I didn't mention it because I didn't want to bother her on her birthday.

I do think I'm most comfortable around her, and I'm definitely happy to see her everytime, but I don't get why I can't just stay my usual self all the time. I just am not who I am around my male friends yet. I could say I'm comfortable but not relaxed.

Because of that I don't feel it would be good to tell her that I love her yet.
I mean if I tell her I love her, it means that I intend to stay with her for life and marry her (?).

Well, I do feel I want to stay with her forever, but I feel it would be unfair towards her to tell her I love her, while I didn't get rid of my times being "strange". If it weren't for that I'd like to tell her..
I don't know whether I'm holding myself back on telling her, or if it would be pushing myself to tell her..?
Sounds odd, but it's like I'll only know if it was right to tell her after telling her.
Maybe I'm scared of her response, or scared if she'll believe me? Or do I not really "love" her yet? If you think so, what does it even mean to be in love? What questions can I ask myself to clearly realize my own feelings?
I tried to answer some questions I could come up with myself with what I wrote.



I know they say you just know when you are really in love, but is that so? I'm just confused.. What are your impressions? (About the bold parts specifically)

Thanks in advance~

[smackie9]

If you feel love tell her, if you don't don't force it, instead be more physical with her....try making things more passionate, and exciting. How about a passionate open mouth with tongue kiss, then see how you feel.

[Shou]

Thanks for the reply, it helped a bit. Thinking about that passionate kiss got me back that tingling feeling, I do want to try of course, but she's a bit slower with being physical.
She did start the first little kiss, but I also made a few attempts before which she refused because she was not ready. I'm okay with it, since it won't be fun if she doesn't want it too.

Anyway, what remains is that I'm still not sure if I should tell her.. I want to, but I don't know why I want to?
It's certianly because I want to see her happy, but is it also because I love her? I don't feel that I'd be forcing myself to do so, though.
Another factor is that we only started dating 3 months ago and are official for just ~1week as mentioned before. Maybe it's too soon to know I love her?

[smackie9]

It's too soon when it's only been a week. Wait til things get a little more physical, like when you finally get that first passionate kiss. If you are still unsure, then it is not time yet to say "I love you".