How to build back your self esteem after a crushing relationship

[opc1986]

im almost in the same situation. ex left me a month ago and i feel like she is alrdy over me while im hurting like hell.. ur right sitting at home alone just thinking to yourself absolutely kills me. feels totally unfair. but everyday its gets a lil bit better. i have days where i feel like i take a step back but other days where i take 2 steps forward. when u make decisions with someone as a couple for so long its almost wierd thinking urself as single. all the decisions i made were for us instead of me and that is something that we will have to learn.

[Endlessagony]

It is important that you surround yourself with people right now as it is equally important to talk about how you feel.If you don't feel comfortable enough talking to your new acquaintances about such personal issues see if you can talk to your family or even old friends that you have lost touch with because of her.They will be happy to let you back into their lives and you will be surprised at how understanding they will be-I am sure they know she was the reason why you didn't hang out with them anymore and they will be thrilled she is finally out of the picture.Don't keep things bottled up-this is counter-productive on your road to recovering from the pain she has caused you.The more you talk about how you feel the more the intensity of these negative feelinsg will start subsiding.

Don't expect a quick fix, that is why I said it is important not to be too hard on yourself.Trusting people again and rebuilding your self-esteem will take time, how much time will depend on how proactive you are about this and how committed you are to the healing process. If you feel like you can't find a way out of these negative thoughts and patterns then there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a therapist who can help you see things from a different perspective and develop better coping mechanisms.

In the meantime, make sure you have no contact with her whatsoever and if you are using Facebook or any other social media through which you can find out how she is doing then you need to block her and even her friends to ensure you are not tempted to check up on her.If you have friends who know her make sure you tell them not to give you any info about her and her life. Stop focusing on what she is doing and on whether she is having a good time or not. Focus all your energy on yourself instead.You kept your focus on her for 9 whole years, enough is enough.It is tme you took care of yourself for a change! :-)

It's so hard for me to discuss this with anyone I'm close to, there's just so much negativity inside me that it repels people.
I think I screwed things up yesterday with the people here too, I shouldn't have gone out drinking when I was feeling depressed. The start of the evening went fine but when we got to the bar I got really uncomfortable and started to shut myself in. When that happens I can't do anything about it my mind just shuts down. So it was really hard for me to socialize and I got kind of left out from the group. I got dragged to the dance floor by this girl I've talking to a lot lately but it was a complete disaster, I became mr.freeze and everybody started dancing away from me. We went back to an afterparty and she went to her friend. Suddenly she calls me and was like really upset and angry because she thought we're arguing all the time. I just can't understand any of this as we had been chatting the whole evening and laughing at the party before. Did she get angry because it got akward at the bar?