Am I pissed off for nothing?

[football]

She's NOT taking advantage of you!! Stop trying to make yourself a victim. She thinks you are her friend, or maybe she WANTS to get together with you but doesn't know how. Maybe she is waiting for YOU to make the next move so she doesn't risk losing you as a friend or risk misreading your signals.

Why haven't YOU taken some initiative in asking her out? Why are you waiting around for her to contact you if you want to go out with her?

WTF are you talking about....this is the 4th time we have hung out. The other times it was me calling her for the most part, I asked her out to dinner. I asked her if I could come over. We were on the couch, it was me initiating any kind of contact, sitting next to her putting my hand on her thigh. When she was pissed at her parents, I put my arm around her. When she playing crappy pool for a copule of games it was me that came behind her and rubbed her shoulders for a a bit. It was me who asked for a hug the night before as I was about to leave. She was being playfull with me and it was I who grabbed both of her hands and looked deep into her eyes smiling at her, as she tried to hit me. Oh p.s. whats the best way to play back a girl when she playfully hits you, obviously I wont hit her back lol Should I just tickle her or what? Also even though it was her that asked me to the movies, It was I who called her up that day asking if she wanted to do something tonight. She said she would call me back later if she wanted to.

Granted I'm not jumping on top of her making out with her, but for being friends I think I'm throwing some pretty good hints out there.

[football]

maybe I should of toned down that last post, sorry. But I've gotten two different forms of advice here. One I need to back of a little in terms always being available, and another saying I need to be more assertive. I guess I just have to weigh the odds of her playing games (I neeed to back of my availability) or her not really knowing if I like her and of wanting me to give her bigger signals (I need to be more assertive).

Maybe tomorrow I'll suprise her at her work, and ask her if she wants to go out to dinner the following day and then rent a movie, my guess is that she has plans for new years and I dont want to end up asking if she wants to do something tomorrow and then get turned down and be like how about the next day, that will again make me seem needy.

[funsounds]

i had a very long post that just got deleted cuz either my internet connection sucks or this site sucks. i basically contrasted the way she has been vs the you have been...blah blah blah...playin the game right...blah blah blah...one spot where i believe you clearly messed up...other minor gaffs...blah blah blah...how you should have played it out...what you should do going forward...blah blah blah...

but you know what? believe me...you don't wanna start playin games...and you don't wanna start over analyzing (too late for that! lol). like i said at the end up of my last post...it's not worth it...

f it...f it all. i think you're letting this bother and stress you too much. i say throw caution to the wind and just go for it. just find out for sure. next time you get a moment alone, just ask her straight out...say something...i don't know what...you'll have to hash that out in your own mind...nothing dramatic, don't confess your undying love for her or anything...something simple, something short...that's VERY important when attempting this play...something like, i really enjoy hanging out with (pause for possible response) and i was wondering if i could ask you out sometime?'...something like that...

[football]

i had a very long post that just got deleted cuz either my internet connection sucks or this site sucks. i basically contrasted the way she has been vs the you have been...blah blah blah...playin the game right...blah blah blah...one spot where i believe you clearly messed up...other minor gaffs...blah blah blah...how you should have played it out...what you should do going forward...blah blah blah...

but you know what? believe me...you don't wanna start playin games...and you don't wanna start over analyzing (too late for that! lol). like i said at the end up of my last post...it's not worth it...

f it...f it all. i think you're letting this bother and stress you too much. i say throw caution to the wind and just go for it. just find out for sure. next time you get a moment alone, just ask her straight out...say something...i don't know what...you'll have to hash that out in your own mind...nothing dramatic, don't confess your undying love for her or anything...something simple, something short...that's VERY important when attempting this play...something like, i really enjoy hanging out with (pause for possible response) and i was wondering if i could ask you out sometime?'...something like that...

Yea good point...all your posts seem to make sense, I mise well just go for it. If it turns out she is playing games with me, then f her relationship wise. Sill going to be friends though. Just so eveyone knows I'm not deeply in love or anything like that, It's just a crush, nothing too huge yet, so I better give it a shot soon before I start to like her more and then realize she is playing games with me. I've cooled down from last night as well.

[Hugo Pickle]

I pretty much agree with everyone else so far. But no one has mentioned the following so I will.

Firstly, when she called you to ask you out to the movies, you should have asked a few questions. You should have asked about who "all" is going. I think that if you asked about it better and made that information more important to you before saying yes, then she would have told you that another guy was going. You should have also asked about what she is doing after the movie.

Here is the bad part, but very important for the future. The reason why she brought another guy and didn't tell you is not important. The fact that she did it is what is important. You should have known right away when you saw him that she thinks of you as a friend. Which I think you really did and it was when you saw the other guy was when you started getting upset. You knew right away that you got screwed in that you thought and hoped that more was there but reality said the opposite. In the theater when she didn't sit next to you that just reinforced what you were afraid of and that really set you off because there was no avoiding the truth at that point that you were obviously "just a friend".

I always assume that when a girl asks me to do something with them (especially a spur of the moment thing) that it is a friend thing or a casual thing. Mostly when it is an intimate thing (they really like you) then they will not call you for an outing but will simply get pissed about when you are going to initiate that kind of outing or contact.

In my experience if it is a friend type of outing then women don't have a problem asking the guy out, but if it is a "date" or more than a friend thing than the woman will not usually ask the guy out. She will do other things like "just show up" or call a bunch of times and drop hints that you should ask her out or that you two should "do something together"; but, she will usually not ask you out if she is thinking of you as more than a friend.

Now there are times when a girl really likes you and is not afraid to be aggressive and stuff but usually that is an "all of the sudden" kind of thing and you will know it when it happens because it will happen very fast. If there is any wondering about her intentions when she asks you out, then I automatically assume that it is just a friend thing. Because I then have a more laid back attitude then if I am wrong then I am pleasantly surprised and she is even more into me because she thinks I’m playing “hard to get”

Ok, the second thing you should have done was control yourself. You got pissed sure, it happens, but you got to play it cool man. So you learned some info that upset you, well, put it in your pocket and just have a good time. When you realized that you were just a friend then you should have just changed your attitude to not caring anymore and just have fun. You should have said to yourself "**** it" and lightened up your mood and make things lighter and more fun and less of the "it’s a date, oh boy” attitude.

What you should learn from all this is that you should stop trying to figure out why women do what they do and focus more on observing more of what they actually do. Try not to read into thing and at the same time watch everything that goes on. Its what she does that is important, not why. The eye contact that you saw. The touching and laughter if there was any. Is she watching you out of the corner of her eye? Be more observant and you will see more of what really is going on.

This is just one reason why self control is so important. When you let yourself get pissed off then all your instincts go out the window. You stop observing things, you start thinking about why this and that and you let the actions of the moment pass you by. Many times when we guys get pissed we kind of shut out the world and ignore what is going on. I've seen guys (and done it myself) get so pissed off in a club and stuff at one girl that they never even notice that another girl right next to them is really giving them the "eye contact"

Ok that is enough for now.

[football]

Thanks for spending the time to post all of that, some good stuff in there. However I would like to dispute some stuff in there. I didn't have a problem at all with that guy going, the girl I like knows that he really likes her roomate, there is nothing going on between them. She did tell me that the only people going were us and he friend amy. As I've mentionted before, while I have been friends with this girl, this break if the first time we have really gone out and done things. In college the only things we have really done together is hang out in the doom with her roomate which I was much better friends with at the time. Sure we had a couple of one on one sessions, one time we played basketball together and ate lunch together in the cafeteria lol They way she acted towards me then, is much different than how she is acting now towards me, we didn't flirt or stare into each others eyes. Thats why I'm confused, because it's only been over the last few weeks that we have really started to flirt and hang out one on one. I have some really good friends, were I know if we flirt we are just friends and I know the boundries, but this one is different. So far the only bad sign I've gotten was the other night with the seating arrangement. I'm praying she just did something extemely dumb and she is mad about it...during the movie I was kinda looking at her in the corner of my eye to make sure there was nothing going on between her and that guy and there wasn't. She did occasionally look back at me during the movie.

And with the whole her asking me to the movies. I called her up a couple hours before, however she said she was going to her friend Amy's house and she told me she would call me back later tonight if she wanted to hang out.

If what you say is true and we are just friends, I'm not too hurt by this, just another experience that i can hopefully learn more from, and I'm sure we will stay friends. With that said, I'm going to attempt to show up at her work today/or call her and see if she wants to do something either tonight on new years (going to ask if she's doing anything first so I dont have to ask and get turned down and have to sound pathetic asking her about tomorrow too) or tomorrow night. If nothing extraordinary happens I'll agree we have entered the friends zone, learn from another one of these experiences of being stuck in the friends zone again. What sucks is, I wasnt looking for a relationship at all untill I just randomly started liking this girl.

[theotherguy0123]

yeah, I don't get it, how come sometimes we just randomly start to like somebody?