Sex once a month?

[lesa]

You all are right... this could become an issue in the long run. But if I've tried talking about it, how do I let him know how I feel without him putting up a barrier like always.

Don't be A dik about it. Hehe, sorry I couldn't help it.

Could he be depressed? Maybe he wants a more serious relationship? Maybe he is worried about physical intimacy with another person? It requires so much more work than the porn and his hand.

[Mish]

You all are right... this could become an issue in the long run. But if I've tried talking about it, how do I let him know how I feel without him putting up a barrier like always.

Put an emphasis on you and how this makes you feel. Don't accuse him of anything. Just let it be known that you are struggling and see what his reaction will be. In most cases a partner would want to find some way to help. If he ignores you then you will know where this is going.

[Cybog]

How much weight have you put on over the past 3 years? Do you weigh the same as you did (or less) when the relationship began?

God forbid its something YOU might be doing that is turning him off. No matter how sexy you think that nurse outfit is, draping it over flab rolls isn't exactly fulfilling any sort of fantasy.

And if you are thin / skinny and he still isn't putting out, send me a PM with your address / pictures and ill be happy to give you reason enough to want to end this relationship

[glow]

stereotypically you hear about how the woman doesn`t want to have sex as often with time but from experience and most people i know, it`s quite the opposite, it`s the guy who gets all uber sensitive about too much of it.

[Hopelessxlover]

Sex once a month? Jeeze sounds like torture to me!!! No way every other day is just the right amount but everyday is even better.

[Charlie Boy II]

Sounds like he's just over it.

[Lite]

JMO, and I'm sure I'll get screamed at for it, but if he's looking at porn "everyday" he's basically training his mind to believe sexual stimulation is best when there's zero intimacy/emotional involvement, and literally no pressure on him to perform whatsoever. Just a guess...

PS... nice username.

I look at porn daily, and typically have sex with my wife 3-4 times per week. Am I training myself to believe that? Or does most porn just bore me so I have to sift through a lot of crap to find anything I find interesting?

People keep going over this but guys masturbate even if they're having sex 7 days a week. And, they'll look at porn even if they're having sex 7 days a week.

There could be any number of issues involved, but she needs to put her foot down and simply say, "You're not meeting my needs sexually, and if you are incapable of doing this then this relationship has no future, and we're definitely not getting married."

I'm sorry, but sex is just as important as any other part of a healthy relationship. It is a way to connect intimately with your partner that cannot be replaced very easily by most people.

We'll get rid of someone for being a jerk, or for not giving us enough hugs, but if we dump someone because they suck in bed and are unwilling to step up to the plate and improve themselves we're told we're being shallow. I'm sorry, but its crap.

[Favrum]

Sorry sweetie but this isn't good after 3 years..

I am having similar problems with my hubbie.. after being together 23 years..

the last 3 years have been a bit like your recent issues.

Mine isn't looking at porn regularly.. just x.box and he isn't waiting until we are married.. as we are already

For 20 years he was up for it, several times a week, different times of the day and when started we didn't stop until he orgasmed at least 3 times.

The last 3 years coincided with a new job, senior role and a lot of stress. He too often builds a wall around himself - I've had to knock it down before but this time it has got quite solid.

I've been spoiled for 20 years, we have a great friendship but the lack of intimacy whether it be the lack of full on sex or the lack of cuddling, touching and hand holding is a big issue for me.

I won't last another year with him this way.. and I've told him.

[SFmale]

the only new behaviors he has are he seems to not want to invade my privacy like he did before. He used to always want to know what I was doing, who I was talking to, where I was going etc.. now he doesn't care anymore but wants privacy he never seem to want in the past.

this sounds bad to me. its like he's trying to keep you out of his life, while at the same time showing less interest in yours. and I bet if you do say something to him about how he seems to care less about what you do, he would turn around and point out the new found freedom you are getting from him, and ask for you to give him the same amount of freedom or privacy he is giving you.

seems like he is hiding something. be upfront about it and ask him if he has met someone new.
you might be surprised to find out what a bad liar he really is!

[Rollerderby]

People underestimate the importance of sex in a relationship. It's intimacy, getting into each other's heads and bodies. Orgasms make you feel good and relieve endorphins and keep you young and joyful. If you aren't getting those from him, and he's making excuses, why stay? Don't marry this man whatever you do. He has either lost attraction to you, or he is going through a serious bout of depression.

You can love someone but not be able to be with them b/c the sex is off. This is not something to brush aside.

[Aeradalia]

Maybe there's something wrong with his equipment?

He initiates sex once a month.. right? Perhaps that's when his 'stuff' decides to work... and he's rushing, hoping like hell it'll continue to 'do it's job?'

Just a guess... but if he's a prideful man... maybe he's hoping to solve this on his own...

[matchbyheaven]

This is something to ponder on for a couple who have been living together for quite sometime. Does this have something to do that your lovemaking is too routine or boring? Although some factors affecting loss of interest in sex could also be psychological, stress related, physical illness, anxiety etc. You must find way to establish communication, if not verbally then try do some letter writing or seek some professional help though.