problem with Friend

[independent]

It may be something different she wants to talk about altogether...

But then again, maybe not.

You'd have to kind of imagine how she feels. I mean, if this guy is making YOU uncomfortable, it has to make her feel uncomfortable as well. I would think, anyway. Unless she's totally oblivious.

Good luck!

[independent]

p.s. YOU are innocent in this whole ordeal

Just remember that

[independent]

Oh - missed your post, must have been cross-posting

Glad it was "nothing"!

[Tone]

I told you it was goin to be alright!

[Asip4u]

p.s. YOU are innocent in this whole ordeal

Just remember that

I agree with this post and most of the ones before...To add, i think his wife IS totally oblivious.

[misombra]

i don't think this guy would pick a woman who isn't oblivious. he needs to be around someone that'll turn her head when he's flirting with somebody else. but don't worry rose, that's what happens when you're really, really, rediculously good looking.

[Rosebud]

LOL, thanks guys! I know I'm innocent here but I can't help feeling bad for his girlfriend. I think she is very oblivious as was his past wife. He's not the faithful type at least in his past as I have been around when he had cheated on his now ex-wife which in turn she cheated on him and led to their divorce.

His girlfriend is very attractive, I mean she could be a model if she wanted to and she goes out of her way to do things for other people. I'm getting very close to her and I just hope I don't ever get in the middle if something happens like if he does something she comes to me and vice versa because that happened with the past relationship he had. Oh well, I'll just take things as they come.

[Junsui]

Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good
How can we teach children to read if they can't even fit inside the building?

Sorry lol, What Sombra said made me think of that.

[Rosebud]

LOL, I agree with sombra though too I think that's exactly what he needs. Although she does that when it's someone she doesn't know sometimes. But even that night him and 2 of my other guy friends were at a table with 2 girls and if that was my man I would have walked over there and joined the conversation just to see what was going on but she didn't she just kept playing that bar game. But I walked over there trying
to see what they were doing and of course he was flirting so I told him his girlfriend wanted to dance with him and he left the table and went over to her.

Oh well at least I'm not dating someone like that!!! whew!!

[mini696]

I agree with all the above advise that has been give. He is overstepping the boundries of friendship, and he has to stop.

A knee to the nuts sometimes does wonders.

Mick

[Rosebud]

LOL, I don't think I would hurt the guy! But I think if there is a next time that this happens we are going to have a serious talk. He called my bf today to talk about hunting season and I guess he's buying a rifle from my bf so he's going to stop by this friday. He said he's going to try and make it before my bf has to leave to work and if not he'll just exchange everything with me. So I think with him being sober at that time ( I know he will, because he will be coming from drill at the military base) I will talk to him about this if my bf isn't around. Thanks guys!!

[Ellynn]

Nothing like a few drinks that act like truth serum......

Honestly.....you have been doing the right thing by turning him down... I mean yeah he feels this way but you laid down the line....and told him it will never be.

Just keep telling him that....and if it gets out of hand..then I would avoid him for awhile... IF he is a true friend he will keep it just as that.....

[independent]

He said he's going to try and make it before my bf has to leave to work and if not he'll just exchange everything with me.

And what if he drags his feet intentionally to catch you home alone?

You're thinking "have a talk"... he's thinking he's getting up the nerve to hit on you sober??

Just thinking out loud...

[Rosebud]

Ellynn, yes I agree and I thank you for the confidence booster on this one as I still can't help but feel guilty this is even happening.

Indepedent, I don't think he looks at it like that. I knwo this guys ahs drill out here at the military base the first of the month every month and I know he's just tryingt o get out here when he can.

See one this about this guy is he obsessed with women and sex. The guy is really a male slut to be honest. When and if he gets the chance he takes it. I think the thing with me is he has never had a problem getting a chick before. This guy is very attractive and he has chicks fall at his feet. Well he knows he can't have me so I think it makes him want me more.. if that makes any sense. He does know we are good friends and when my bf is around he still acts like always does with hugs and all that stuff but he never says anything about him wanting me unless he's drunk. I don't know if this guy would actually try and act on anything but if he did he'd be in for a real awakening.

SO I think in looking back on all this, I'm just going to take it as a compliment and if he keeps this up then I will say something to him again when he is sober. Damn men I swear!!! LOL

[whaywardj]

I'd keep it all between him and me and no one else for the present, and give him his choices (as others have said, only when he's sober.) I'd start gently (if I still have patience), telling him I'd prefer to not be in his company when he's drinking. He might get the full text of your message from that alone and the problem will go away, either beause he's not drinking around you and doesn't lose his better judgment, or because he actually got the message and stops his come ons. If not that, I'd lay it out: He could have either my friendship, or he could keep on pressuring me with armorous/sexual intentions. He couldn't have both. Make it clear that if the overtures don't cease, that's as much to you as saying he doesn't want your friendship. If he CAN'T respond appropriately to any of that, make it everybody's business by ending the friendship because you've done what you can to make things otherwise, and he hasn't listened.

There's no reason on earth for you to have dance around this issue with anyone for any reason. That he's put you in the position of having to do so is his problem. Not yours. If, after, trying to guide him kindly to a more (for you) correct posture, he still doesn't, you have no further obligation to be kind to or even considerate of his feelings.

PS: On the other hand, true story: Two married friends.Woman was flirtatious as hell with me. Recurring joke between us: "Yeah I would do it, but only if the spouse wanted to watch." Ha-ha. Couple of years go by. Lot's of lip-kissing, hugging, and generally, far more physical contact between she and me than is normally called for. I'm wondering. One evening I test it out. She goes to kiss me bye-bye after coffee (the usual quick smooch on the lips), and I lay one on her. Her mouth opens involuntarily to receive my tongue. It was one of the thrust-and-parry kisses. Quick. I stood back. She's standing there with were eyes wide and her jaw dropped. I don't move, looking her straight in the eyes. There's a few inconsequential words and we part company. Later, I get an email from her saying she "feels to compelled to tell me that she doesn't want me to kiss her on the lips anymore." I reply, fine. Rather my preference anyway. Next time I see her a few days later, what's the first thing she does? Yep. Smooches me square on the lips. In such a circumstance, ambiguity is not a woman's friend.