Just found out that my Girlfriend is a Sex Worker!!?

[Charlie Boy II]

Like Lady Macbeth her hands will always be stained with fluids of her sins. You must away!

[Junket]

But it killed me to know that this sweet girl (with childhood sex abuse issues) was leading a double life. Shes so quiet and polite, Its unbelieveable.

You're so naive.

I've met some people in that situation so it's no surprise to me that somebody who was sexually abused would flock to that kind of work. A child who lived through sex abuse and/or incest is used to living a double life. Those kind of things are frequently kept secret.

Second of all. I don't think you're the right guy for her. And she's not the right girl for you. She needs somebody who won't become jealous and controlling. If you're gonna stay with her, and she continues that kind of work, I doubt you'll adjust to it.

The best thing for both of you, besides mutually changing to meet each other's emotional needs, would to just break up.

Period.

[Dave4586]

ok those are not the women to go out with and love there other ones try again i hope the best for you

[Jimmy1218]

Hi. Was wondering if anyone else had any insight/advice into this situation... Been seeing this nice girl for a year now. She's an incest survivor, quiet, really sweet and innocent type.

However, very secretive. Always hiding her phone, locking bathroom doors etc. She told me upfront that she does massage, (shes only 21). I thought to myself at first, "okay, it's a living as long as its legit".

Long story short, I found out that she's been doing "sensual massage with a release".. I was heart broken. It killed me to see that there was this other life she was living along with us having genuwine fun together. I stumbled upon some of her ads, emails from men asking for nasty stuff. Spankings, one wanting her to do it topless.

I couldnt believe my eyes with her simple, matter of factly replies like, "sure no problem, just call me 2 hrs. in advance", "you seem like a nice man so the prospect of doing it topless may happen i the future, but I dont feel comfortable with nude"..etcetcetc.

I answered one of her ads and went off on her. I busted her secret so wide open her head spinning. She was beside herself. Ashamed? She tried to lie to me saying she doesnt have sex with them or suck their D---ks etc.

But it killed me to know that this sweet girl (with childhood sex abuse issues) was leading a double life. Shes so quiet and polite, Its unbelieveable. So after her numerous emails to me to apologize for hurting me etc. I've had to decide whether I can still keep her in my life in some way. I thought I could revert her but I've found that I cannot and she obviously continues to make extra money this way. Has a client that REALLY thinks the world of her. It makes me sick. It hurts, and yet, I dont want to let her go.

I'm confused as to what I can do. Some will say I'm stupid for giving her a 2nd chance, some will say if I can deal with it, than leave it as long as she comes home to me...

I would like to hear some thoughts, advice, experience on my current situation. I deep down know that i should leave her be and move on. But another part of me just wants to keep on having the fun we always did and "deal" with it.

Can someone give me some input here please?

Sorry to hear that man, but maybe there's something that made her do this? Perhaps financial problems? I think you should push her out of your life, but if you really really want to stick to her, maybe you can give her a second chance and see if she's changed. Judging by what you've posted, you say that she's still doing this? Keep us updated.

[IndiReloaded]

Huh. Well, I've never thought what a person *does* is necessarily the same as who a person *is*.

In any case, as Giga says, you have issues with what she does & that she kept it from you. Lack of honesty you might call it.

I hope since you'll be holding her to that standard that you can likewise be completely honest about why you have a problem with it.

Lessons learned all around.

[Off2College]

I had a longer post but my internet crashed... so here's the short version.

Put things in a realistic perspective: would you be willing to marry an ex-prostitute. That is a choice you will have to make.

[Ziffmonger]

You're so naive.

I've met some people in that situation so it's no surprise to me that somebody who was sexually abused would flock to that kind of work. A child who lived through sex abuse and/or incest is used to living a double life. Those kind of things are frequently kept secret.

Second of all. I don't think you're the right guy for her. And she's not the right girl for you. She needs somebody who won't become jealous and controlling. If you're gonna stay with her, and she continues that kind of work, I doubt you'll adjust to it.

The best thing for both of you, besides mutually changing to meet each other's emotional needs, would to just break up.

Period.

Frasbee, interesting first paragraph. I guess that folks who are sexually abused early on do have to separate the bad experience from daily life.

Hence, be forced into living a double life in order to survive.

I didnt think of it like that at first...thanks for your input. And no, I wont get used to it because I want to be the only one she would want to touch in that way...

[Ziffmonger]

Sorry to hear that man, but maybe there's something that made her do this? Perhaps financial problems? I think you should push her out of your life, but if you really really want to stick to her, maybe you can give her a second chance and see if she's changed. Judging by what you've posted, you say that she's still doing this? Keep us updated.

Jimmy, yes, i believe that her practice is related to financial difficulties. Still, if I'm feeding, housing and clothing her, I would have figured she'd not want to continue with it.

Guess I'm being too self centered?? Dunno, I'm a caretaker type-that sometimes is in my favor and sometimes not. Thanks for your input.

[Ziffmonger]

Huh. Well, I've never thought what a person *does* is necessarily the same as who a person *is*.

In any case, as Giga says, you have issues with what she does & that she kept it from you. Lack of honesty you might call it.

I hope since you'll be holding her to that standard that you can likewise be completely honest about why you have a problem with it.

Lessons learned all around.

INdie, interesting point you bring up about a what a person does is not what the are...U have a good point, but I still am uncomfortable with her turning guys on in that private; personal way. Put yourself in my place, would you be totally cool with it?

[Jimmy1218]

Jimmy, yes, i believe that her practice is related to financial difficulties. Still, if I'm feeding, housing and clothing her, I would have figured she'd not want to continue with it.

Guess I'm being too self centered?? Dunno, I'm a caretaker type-that sometimes is in my favor and sometimes not. Thanks for your input.

Maybe she used that extra wad of cash to help support herself more and take more weight off your shoulders? Thats understandable...

[Ziffmonger]

Maybe she used that extra wad of cash to help support herself more and take more weight off your shoulders? Thats understandable...

Anything is possible I'm sure...still doesnt feel right. Wouldve felt more secure had she not been a sex worker..ya know wut I mean?

[anachronistic]

that's the first time i have ever seen a pentadruple post on here. not sure what the 5 one

[IndiReloaded]

INdie, interesting point you bring up about a what a person does is not what the are...U have a good point, but I still am uncomfortable with her turning guys on in that private; personal way. Put yourself in my place, would you be totally cool with it?

No, I wouldn't like it at all. But I would be completely upfront about why it is. And make sure its understood that its *my* problem, rather than make a value judgement about her lifestyle.

I won't hold someone I care about to a standard of honesty that I can't keep myself, that's all I'm saying. I couldn't stand dating a smoker either, but I don't think they're evil to do it, just that I don't like it.

But I still wouldn't date them, in either case.

[Mathias]

How is this thread three pages?

Answer here should be pretty obvious.

[muspi_2000]

i think its very easy to go off on the girl in question and say shes cheap, a slut etc but I think we should give her the benefit of doubt. Im totally speaking from experience here. I got deeply involved with a girl who i regard as my real true love who was also (R.I.P, Kelly) a junkie and whos self esteem was so low that she didnt value her life at all and would resort to selling her body just for a fix or 2. When she was clean, we had the most amazing chemistry and relationship ever but when she would get high, speedballing most of the time, thats when she would be at her worst. Ive no idea how Ziffmonger really feels bout this other person but I just couldnt bring myself to forget and leave her and end things just like that when i got to know how serious her drug problem was. And yes like your girl, Kelly is a sweet girl-next-door type with the exception of her huge ass tattoo on her back and yes she has been sexually abused in her past etc, the total cliche.

Ziffmonger, I sent her to rehab, i got her a place in a nice neighborhood away frm her junkie friends, bailed her out of her debts with her supplier, all this against the approval of my wife, (then my gf) and yet this didnt stop her from getting her fix. Your problem may differ but I hope you know what youre getting into. Dont be too quick to judge her, if shes comfortable with the life shes leading and you cant deal with it, cut your losses and end it nicely