Am I in a Fake relationship?!?

[boobaa]

Girls are egoistic bitches, get used to that. Tell her that you don't like someone wasting your time over bullshit.

[GrkScorp]

Girls are egoistic bitches, get used to that. Tell her that you don't like someone wasting your time over bullshit.

Woah..,

Having an ego.., and being egotistical.., two different things.., everyone has an ego.., and it's constantly looking to improve one's idea about himself/herself..

The "friend zone" happens.., for no other reason.., other than the guy letting it happen.., rushes in.., and actually starts off with the role of the "friend".., no physical contact.., no attention to attraction.., and they think.., "she'll start to like me.., I don't know how.., buy magically it'll start to happen".., and guess what.., it doesn't..

- She starts to feel very comfortable with this guy
- He is never considered a sexual option (attraction never takes place)
- Anything she could get from this guy (comfort & value).., she's already getting through friendship

(seriously.., if society defined "lady-like" to include women paying for my sh*t.., i'd have an entire harem of female friends.., every woman i'd meet.., that would be the first thing i'd push for.., "let's just be friends".., you can pay for my sh*t.., do stuff for me.., talk to me.., and comfort me.., and then i'll promise to talk to you about the other girls i'm having sex with or that I like.., friends right?)

Obviously.., there's a way out of the "friend zone".., but it's never by pushing.., the only way out is when she has no other sexual options available.., and that the guy in questions (friend).., has more to offer her than he is offering her already through a simple friendship (i.e. he is not offering her all the comfort & value he has to offer her through friendship alone)..

You can see where the "trap" exists for so many guys.., they get stuck in the "friend zone".., and instead of saying what Mish was saying.., "friends don't put friends in boxes".., or "that's ok.., i'm not looking for friendship".., they quietly agree.., and by agreeing.., their interaction at that point.., is a "friends only" one.., and they keep pushing.., (doing/buying things.., comforting.., etc).., thinking that it'll get them somewhere.., but all it ends up doing.., is showing her.., "whatever this guy has to offer me.., i'm already getting from friendship.., and i'm now satisfied in the comfort/value/feeling loved departments.., all i'm missing is some attraction and sexual pleasure.., but he's just a friend.., I don't want to ruin what he's offering.., "I mean our friendship".., so let's try and find those other two elsewhere"

The way to avoid it.., is to not fall into it in the first place:

When you meet someone.., NEVER frame the interaction as a friendly one.., what I always do is say "I'm too busy for a relationship right now.., with everything that's going on in my life".., (disqualifying myself).., and somewhere in the interaction.., let's say she's a brunette.., "I don't think I could ever really go out with a brunette.., there's just something about blondes.., and not fake blondes.., but real blondes.., the problem is that most of them really are dumb.., but I know there are a couple of smart ones still left out there" (disqualify her).., and from that point.., you might be tempted to think.., (you disqualified yourself.., & disqualified her.., so now what are you two? aren't you friends?).., no! We're flirting.., we're still there.., talking to eachother.., and now all pressure is off! She's not there thinking.., "ugh.., this guy is hitting on me" (I both disqualified myself & her).., which means she has nothing to reject..., yet we're still interacting.., and that buys time to convey personality and character.., and win over her group of friends.., and let attraction form.. (and that's how you avoid the friend-zone)

1. Don't convey interest before she does (not all women are secretly interested in you.., so when you push.., she WILL LJFB you.., because you came on too fast & strong)
2. Disqualify to buy yourself time & a pressure-free environment where you can convey character and personality to both her and her social circle.., and let her interest in you grow
3. Bait her to demonstrate some aspects of her character and personality.., and start to throw her some hints of interest that she can pick up on.., (women convince themselves.., very quickly.,. and there are powerful emotional safeguards in place.., she may feel attracted to you.., but if you're TOO out of reach.., or she feels there is ZERO interest on your part towards her.., she WILL literally start to feel less attracted to you.., purely due to emotional damage control.., so after you convey to her in a subtle and indirect manner.., what you're all about.., and after her attraction for you grows and she starts to show signs of interest.., it's important that you show her.., that hey.., you also stand a chance here.., it's not one way.., it's not hopeless.., i'm slightly interested.., but I still need to see more of what you're about.., you still have to win me over.., but you can! you just need to try a little bit more..)

That's it.., give that some thought.., that's really all there is to avoiding that "friend zone".., coming into her life "not as a friend".., but as someone she's attracted to.., and after Step 3.., you can go on and get lost in conversation.., make a connection.., build chemistry.., and start to grow more comfortable with eachother.., both emotionally and physically.., That's all there really is to it.., that's the whole process in one post..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Gigabitch]

I think you're a pretty pet she keeps around to impress her friends. I suggest you ask her to set you up with one of her girlfriends on a date since she's not interested in dating you herself. Watch her turn green.

[boobaa]

Woah..,

Having an ego.., and being egotistical.., two different things.., everyone has an ego.., and it's constantly looking to improve one's idea about himself/herself..

The "friend zone" happens.., for no other reason.., other than the guy letting it happen.., rushes in.., and actually starts off with the role of the "friend".., no physical contact.., no attention to attraction.., and they think.., "she'll start to like me.., I don't know how.., buy magically it'll start to happen".., and guess what.., it doesn't..

- She starts to feel very comfortable with this guy
- He is never considered a sexual option (attraction never takes place)
- Anything she could get from this guy (comfort & value).., she's already getting through friendship

blabla

GrkScorp

Egoism, right there, in bold.

As Giga said, its probably a pet thing. Her advice is probably what I'd do.

[xcepshun]

hmmmmmmmmm.. lol.. that sounds soo evil.. what if she says "ok" and shes fine with it.. and i don't want to be set up with that girl in question.. wat do i do then?


There is one really attractive girl whose intersted in me, i was thinking about bringing her out one day when we all hang, do u think thats a bad idea or good?

[Gigabitch]

Oh, I have absolutely no doubt that she would try to set you up with her most hobbit-looking friend out of spite. I suggest you take that warty girl out and show her a great time, and then date the attractive girl too, all the while telling Jaz that you wish it could be her, but she only wants to be friends.

[GrkScorp]

telling Jaz that you wish it could be her, but she only wants to be friends.

Nah.., no need to do that.., it's more of a hit when YOU are the one to put HER in the friend zone.., and then just tell her and give her updates.., casually.., about everything that's going on with all those other girls.., and how you "think" you are maybe starting to have feelings for one of them..

Telling her that.., "I wish it could be you".., is again lowering yourself to puppy-dog status.., so don't do it..

Best,

GrkScorp

[lastwish]

hmmmm...I'm really not a big fan of guys playing hard to get (or being a challenge)...i actually find those guys dishonest and annoying.

That guy either has it or not in the very beginning. If he's attractive to the girl from the very beginning, there is no need to play games (playing games might actually piss the girl off).

Playing games drives girls crazy (literally).

[Illusional]

Girls are egoistic bitches, get used to that. Tell her that you don't like someone wasting your time over bullshit.

girls are only this way if you're not a good enough player. it's all about how well you play the game.

raverboy

[GrkScorp]

Egoism, right there, in bold.

Egotism.., is a protective mechanism.., where a person realizes that they lack in some aspect of their life.., and receive a constant stream of negative ego validation.., and in order to prevent that.., they shut that aspect out completely.., and focus on a select few aspects.., (such as looks or money for example).., where they can receive only positive ego validation.., a person who is egotistical.., is actually very insecure.., and so.., very defensive about their insecurities.., to the point where they will alter the reality of what is going on around them.., in such a way as to "always" validate their ego in a positive manner..

Classic Example:

- A man walks inside a bus.., doesn't have a metro-card.., and asks others inside the bus for some change.., he notices (you) a woman sitting down.., but instead of asking you for change.., slowly walks past you..

(low self-esteem): "I guess he didn't even notice me"
(secure & confident): "he skipped me.., do I have change to give him?"
(egotistical): "aww.., haha.., he was too intimidated to even ask me for change.., how cute"

You will no doubt find women out there.., who are egotistical.., and full of themselves.., but those women are not too common.., and in no way.., "all women"

What you highlighted.., has is self-interest..

Self-interest:

I hate to bring sex into the picture.., because some young girls reading this might jump to start thinking.., "aha! so don't have sex until".., but it makes for a good example.., let's say you meet a girl.., and you're having sex.., that's all you do.., you talk over the phone.., she comes over your place when you're in the mood.., you have sex.., she cleans up.., makes you a snack.., and leaves.., no dates.., no gifts.., no chick drama.., none of that.., just sex.., she's a perfect 10.., she knows what she's doing.., you've never cum so hard and so many times in your life.., everything is great..

Let's say now.., she calls you up.., and wants to be in a relationship with you.., tells you that she loves you.., starts to share what's been going on in her life.., all her problems.., issues.,. feelings.., drama.., etc.., You have a choice to make here.., you can:

1. Keep things the way they are (you're still getting the best sex of your life)

2. Make her your girlfriend (still get the best sex of your life.., but now have all these other additional costs)

Which one do you choose? Common.., seriously.., exactly..

So you have a girl here.., who is getting all this from this guy.., she has three needs.., and this guy is satisfying two of them:

- Attraction (unsatisfied)
- Comfort (satisfied)
- Value (satisfied)

If she makes him more than a friend.., she's not going to enjoy anything more than what she's enjoying already.., but there will be some "costs".., so she'd rather just keep him as a friend..

Notice: She can keep him as a friend.., and now will go out and look for a guy who will satisfy her (attraction) needs.., without much attention to her other needs which are already satisfied.. this is why you often end up with the "friend paradox".., where there is this great guy.., who does everything for this girl.., but he's just a friend.., and she's in love with this asshole/jerk who doesn't do sh*t for her.., Her fault? Partly.., but also partly the nice guy's fault.., for satisfying her other needs..

If her other needs would be left unsatisfied.., then when other guys would come her way.., she would also be looking for comfort & value from them.., and when she wouldn't find it.., then she would have to pick between (attraction only).., or (comfort & value) "a choice older women have to make later on in life.., they usually go for the latter.., because a "friend" doesn't pay for someone else's kids.., or for their stuff.., nor does attraction only"

Best,

GrkScorp

[Mish]

That guy either has it or not in the very beginning.

Sometimes, but sometimes the attraction grows. I know a lot of girls who didn't like the guy to begin with, but then slowly they fell for them.

[GrkScorp]

girls are only this way if you're not a good enough player. it's all about how well you play the game.

raverboy

Yes.., if you're direct and overt about it.., with this smug look on your face that screams.., "I'm gaming you.., I know you want me".., then yeah..

Then again.., if you're focused more on playing some game.., than you are in the actual interaction.., your game is external.., which means it's see-through.., which makes it incongruent.., which makes it fake.., which makes it annoying..

But when it's internal.., like Illusional said.., then all it is.., is being "game-proof".., guys play games.., to counter female games.., that's it.., and if it's internal and she still finds it annoying.., if it drives her crazy.., then the guy just filtered out a nut-case.., the only purpose behind inner game.., is for the other person to stop playing games.., and just be their true self.., it's both passive & defensive.., so unless the other person does something to trigger it.., it never goes off by itself..

Additionally.., some guys go around doing the same thing for ALL women they meet.., and for some reason.., all of them think "worst case scenario".., all a matter of calibration..

(egotistical & insecure): you will ignore the sh*t out of her.., put her down.., make her self-conscious.., all while paying attention to her friends and being the source of fun.., the guy everyone wants.., you will keep disqualifying her.., until you make her snap out of her "i'm all that" trance.., when her self-esteem and reality finally meet.., then she's ready to start to see you for who you are without thinking that she's beyond you in some way.., and when she sees that.., then you can start to explore what she's about and see if you even like her (note: with egotistical women.., there's usually not much there.., if you take looks away.., you start to wonder how they can justify their ego at the end of the day.., they're also horrible in bed).., [note: it's also a fun sport to shut down egotistical women and not just bring them down to reality.., but really hit their insecurities hard and strip them of any self-esteem.., don't feel guilty about it.., these are the same women that do this to genuinely nice guys just for fun.., what you're doing is more along the lines of a public service]

(secure & confident): give only token attention to her just to be polite and not come off as rude.., for the most part.., ignore and just pay attention to her friends.., (until you can gauge that she's not egotistical).., then get her involved in the interaction.., teasing her with attention.., put her down playfully once or twice.., (to test that she's secure & confident).., and then let her see what you're all about as you're there having fun with the whole group.., let her try and get your attention.., qualify her.., see what she's about.., and reward her with validation when appropriate.. (secure & confident women may or may not also put on the "hard-to-get" act.., generally they don't.., the ones that do.., only do so because they think it works.., quickly help them snap out of it.., or else you'll be wasting a lot of time and your interest in her will go down the toilet.., the only thing that's important is to just not come off as someone needy.., desperate.., or creepy.., also.., being truly secure & confident is rare among women.., so when you determine that she's this kind of woman.., don't make her feel otherwise..)

(low self-esteem): The exception to all the rules.., these women don't even feel they stand a chance with someone like you.., some of them may put up an act to have you think otherwise.., but you'll get better at seeing past her performance.., you actually have to come in soft.., give her normal attention.., let her feel that the possibility of the two of you together is there.., it's not impossible.., once she feels that.., it's on.., just be a fun guy.., show her and her whole group a great time.., and when you can see her interest.., start to qualify her.., see what she's about.., and don't hold back on the validation.., don't over-do it.., but it's ok to show her that you're starting to like her earlier than you would with other girls.., she needs to know.., she's more doubtful than optimistic.., so when she demonstrates something about herself that you like.., let her know.. (these women are not insecure.., they just have low self-esteem.., but they're genuinely nice and good natured.., they don't enjoy games.., because they don't play games.., also note.., comfort is valued highly.., you can turn someone with low self-esteem into someone confident.., and all it takes is comfort)

So.., back to the OP.., with this "new girl" in the picture.., try and determine which kind of girl you think she most likely is.., and proceed accordingly..

Hopefully.., you have enough on this thread to work with.., so that you don't find yourself in an other "friend-zone"..

Best,

GrkScorp

[GrkScorp]

So heres the situation, i'm 21 and shes 22

22 and she told you "just friends"? End of story.., you're just friends.., someone had some very good advice on how to get out of this situation..

Escaping from friend zone is easy. You just pack your things and go far away, never come back. There. Escaped. You are free now.

Seriously.., and LEARN from this.. so that it doesn't happen again..

Girls are egoistic bitches, get used to that. Tell her that you don't like someone wasting your time over bullshit.

The problem I had with this.., besides generalizing that "all" women are egotistical.., and overlooking (self-interest).., is that it's wrong to blame women for YOUR mistakes as a man..

This is similar to a girl having a great time with a guy.., who came up to talk to her.., who kept the conversation going.., and who now sits there as he's about to go.., waiting form him.., despite everything else he did.., to ask for her number.., and when he doesn't.., she gets upset and thinks.., (ugh.., guys are stupid.., he wasn't that great anyway)

Or.., let's say he asks and they do exchange numbers.., and now she waits in her house.., by her phone.., until he calls her.., and when he doesn't call.., she thinks.., (ugh.., what a jerk.., I hate guys.., they're all jerks.., what a loser.., I knew it.., he doesn't matter anyway)..

They're too busy casing blame on the other person.., to see what is really going on.., what they're doing wrong.., and what they can do to fix it.., to get to where they want to be..

So yes.., you can be one of those guys who hates women.., all women.., that's one option.., or.., you can be someone who doesn't blame women for what happens.., but rather.., sees where he made a mistake.., learns from that mistake.., and does what he needs to do.., to get to where he wants to be..

Did he get placed in the "friend zone" because the girl was an egotistical b*tch? Highly unlikely.., then "why" did it happen? It must have been some fault of his own.., it's easy to blame the girl .., but that's gets him nowhere.., if he takes responsibility for it however.., and looks at where he went wrong.., then it gives him valuable information on how to avoid the same mistake in the future.., And given why it happened.., what must take place to avoid this fate?

When you wake up in the morning.., before you get out of your bed.., think to yourself.., "if a woman feels unattracted to me.., or hits me with an LJBF.., that is completely my fault.., why did it happen.., and what should I do next time to not get those two results?".., after you ask yourself this.., then.., get up off your bed.., go to the mirror and say.., "if a creepy.., needy.., desperate.., horny guy comes up to a girl.., how will she feel? (unattracted).., what will her reaction most likely be? (rejection.., LJBF).., is that the kind of guy I am? do I look like i'm that type of guy?".., now.., before you walk outside your house.., before you even open up that door.., remind yourself of this once more.., "i'm going out today.., not looking to meet women.., not looking to attract women.., not even thinking about how women feel about me.., but to go out and do what I have to do with my life.., into a world full of people.., not all are interesting.., but some are.., and if I happen to meet interesting people.., i'll talk to them for a little bit.., and if I see that these people are so interesting that I actually like talking to them.., i'll take what steps I have to.., to talk to them and interact with them again sometime in the future.., that's all.. now i'm ready to walk outside.."

Leave your house with this mentality every day.., and you'll never be the (creepy.., needy.., desperate.., horny.., loser) guy that nobody wants to be near or next to.., and don't worry.., if you meet a person from the opposite sex.., yes.., a woman.., who you find so interesting that you want to see again.., and you do see or talk to again.., and you find her so interesting that you begin to feel attracted to her.., that's ok.., she demonstrated her character and personality to you.., and the more she did.., the more you were interested.., that's normal.., and if you feel so attracted to her that you start to feel a connection to her.., and feel the chemistry growing between the two of you.., as you reach your 1st or 2nd or 3rd date.., that's great.., all of that is a function of time.., but you're not walking outside your home.., actively looking for any of that.., your life is more important.., you are more important.., other people aren't.., unless they've demonstrated to you somehow.., and you've qualified somehow.., that they are in fact interesting.., so interesting that they're important to you.., if you want friends.., you'll let them know.., otherwise.., you're never looking for any more friends than you already have.., so therefore.., it's only a question of if you're attracted to them or not.., have they met most or all of your standards after the time and effort they took to slowly demonstrate their character & personality?

What are your standards? (it's ok to have standards).., know what they are.., and see if this person you happened to meet.., who was so interesting.., you had to see or talk to them again.., and when you did.., was so interesting that now they were important to you.., also fit into any.., most.., or all of the standards you have for potential partners you're looking for.., and if they did.., let them know.., and make a date..

That's it.., when you walk out that door.., you have your personal life to take care of.., your work & school.., your finances.., things for the house.., all this other stuff.., but.., you're also open to the rest of the world.., you're open to meeting new and interesting PEOPLE.., and that's it.., from there on.., who those people are.., and if they're potential partners is something you'll determine as they demonstrate their inner qualities.., before then.., you just don't know..

That's all there is to it.., when you meet new people with this mentality.., in the back of your mind.., and those people happen to be single women.., one thing you're NOT.., is "unattractive".., which means the last thing you are is.., "only just a friend"..

Best,

GrkScorp

[genesys4]

you stupid SOB, u said u r a flirter so what r u waiting 4?? go flirt the girls that's so available everywhere!! for god's sake can u show ur self some respect. why keep longing for sum1 like her, who in turns put u on her sideline!! if u r a player, then the world's ur playground. I'm in the situation like urs now, and what I do is... I hang out with my other gurlfrenz, and keeping the policy "bcoz she considers me a fren, then I have to find others for more-than-fren relationship".

show to her that u can keep her as a friend too. this is no intention of making her jealous, BUT letting this thing haunt you WILL make u miserable. LSS, MOVE ON!! yes, you might have a feeling 4her, but you gotta start thinking about urself too!! if she cannot let u go, her weapon just got backfired on her. YOU'RE A GUY, COME ON!!

[Illusional]

whoa.. and to think that scorp got all that from only a sentence that i said. imagine if i were to write paragraphs, then scorp would write novels about my boggling mind.

raverboy