Hopelessly in Love

[Cain]

Indi, to be honest, I don't get where you're seeing that she likes him. His post made no mention of it... only that he got mixed signals from her which mean nothing. Since he "loves" her, even the most innocent signals can be misconstrued to mean something more than it is.

[IndiReloaded]

That's why I suggested he ask her outright, Cain.

But, unless she's just using him for the reasons I said, its likely she does like him, else she wouldn't go to the effort to take him out for his b-day & text him. I've had lots of men hit on me even as a married woman over the years. Except for one very unusual exception (a male family friend we've known for 20 years), I don't respond to any of their obvious advances. Its just too much hassle.

[Cain]

But she didn't just take him out. She took him AND other people out. And while they were out, she didn't spend any extra attention to him.

Honestly, I think that when it comes to someone that is married, you do NOT try to probe feelings. If you want to do that when someone is only in a relationship, fine. But when someone is married, you back the hell away.

[IndiReloaded]

Cain, sometimes your thinking is so 2 dimensional. However, without knowing more, I couldn't say whether the OP is just making stuff up in his mind, which is what I think you are suggesting.

If that is so, tho, then his asking her directly will cause her to kick him to the curb, don't you think? In the case of this ersatz 'friendship', from his side at least, this type of closure might not be a bad thing. Otherwise, this guy is going to continue to stay hung up on his fantasy.

[Cain]

I still don't think he should tell her. Don't put her in an awkward situation. It seems that they don't hang out very much anyways, which is good.

The OP just needs to learn to grow up and find single women.

[IndiReloaded]

I agree w/you, Cain. But if he can't get any closure, then it might help. I speak from experience in this.

[Cain]

As long as he is willing to accept her answer. He seems to have an unhealthy obsession with her based on what he's said.

[1averagejoe]

But if he can't get any closure, then it might help. I speak from experience in this.

But it may ruin this marriage...

When it comes to marriage, you don't even venture near stuff like this. Sure it could turn out completely fine, but why try? And if he can't get closure he's going to have to learn how to. He does sound very very obsessive about this woman. He needs to find someone who is not married. You don't mess with marriages.

My recommendation would be to keep communication and hanging out with her to a minimum. I have a feeling you're going to let your emotions get the best of you and do something you may regret. Your feelings have already gotten in the way of your friendship with her. If you're a friend, you have no romantic feelings towards them. It's just like being friends with another guy.

[shh!]

A healthy marriage cannot be ruined by an outsider professing his/her love. If this marriage falls apart because the OP tells her he loves her, there were already some deep problems in place.

However, i don't know that this guy should tell the woman he loves her - not because he will pose a threat to the marriage, but because he may very well be humiliating himself. Like Cain, I see no reason to believe this woman is remotely interested.

[misombra]

i'm never telling a man i bought a new dress. ever.

[Citycat]

Cosmic, how do you know this woman? Did she invite you to treat you and other people for your birthday because she knew it was your birthday, or she invited a group of people out for a dinner and then she found out that it was a b-day of one of them (you)?

[cosmicgenius]

citycat,

she knows my birthday. she was there in a group for a surprise cake cutting at mid night though this was not organized by her.. However, she later organized for the dinner party herself..later on she told me that she bought the dress on my birthday..the e-mail and all..

to all others,

i really appreciate your advice and concern in trying to protect her marriage. i am not chasing her. i have had feelings for her since many years..she probably might have known that i like her..because i would have unknowingly given her the signals..not sure if women read them easily..

I.never faced this until now. i am willing to go keep quiet, heck, i know i wont ask her ever if she likes me...

the only reason i ask you guys to help me because i like the feeling of being liked if not loved by her..i cannot decode the meaning..show me some compassion and dont brand me an OP, i dont even know what means..imagine how it feels if your heart is being taken out of you..

[cosmicgenius]

I have known her since many years. She is A part of my social circle. Also as an fyi, i meet her pretty much every weekend

[Citycat]

Well, then, you'll see more of her in the future and see how things develop. Her gesture was nice and she likes you as a friend, but whether there's something more or not is hard to say from that one gesture. And even if she now secretly wishes to have something with you, it might just be a phase cos she's going through a boring phase in marriage.

OP stands for the original poster.

[Only-virgins]

Go for it. She took the vow to be faithful and not you.