confused between ex or current bf

[carpediem_b]

dear all ,

first of all let me start with thanking citycat for the usefull advice , although i thought my self abt it is different to hear from some one else.i broke with my ex couse i was 18 yrs old and went to univ in different city , thus we had no possibility to continue in distance , was me calling it off as i knew we were just going to hurt each other more continuing a distance relationship.he never got over me , or at least thas what he says , i thought i would never had those feelings again but as i c i was quite wrong.

then i would continue regarding all the cheating talk , listen u guys no one plans to cheat , i am not justifying it , is an ugly uglyy thing but sometimes bad things happen to good ppl too , to not say mainly to good ppl . i was cheated before from my second ex thats the reason i left him , however i still have faith in ppl ,the reason i did not say to my current bf yet is that it hurts , it hurts to hear that the person u belive in so much cheats on u , but does not mean i would not break up with him , if i continue to stay with him he has to know , if i decide to leav no need for him to be hurt , it would be egoistic from me to just clear my conscience and hurt him so much.at least thats what i belive in.i

belive cheating could be stop if there is real love and trut relationship and no compromise , what i realised is that i just had compromise and respect and care but never love , i feel quite stupid that i needed a forum to realise all this but hey guys u did help me a lot and i will respect these things a bit more from now on.

thanks for evrything , and good luck in your relationships

[Cain]

No, your bf has a right to know no matter what... especially if you both break up. It'll be a lot easier for him to get over you knowing that you're a cheater than if he just thought you two grew apart.

[Citycat]

carpediem_b:
It's sad that you and your first love had to break cause of the distance and not because you had arguements and similar. Think this through. I don't think that if you leave your current b/f it'll be necessary to hurt him additionally by telling him you cheated on him.

[Cain]

Am I the only one that thinks this way?

If she were my gf and she broke up with me, with no real reason other than we grew apart, it'd be hard for me to move on. I'd constantly want her back and would try to do things to fix what we had.

If she told me that she cheated on me twice, I'd be over her tomorrow.

[Citycat]

Cain, did anyone actually tell you that she had cheated on you?

[Cain]

Cain, did anyone actually tell you that she had cheated on you?

I've never been cheated on. What I'm saying is I could take that anger and use it to get over her tomorrow.

[Citycat]

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. However, when my best friend cheated on her ex b/f and told him, he was devastated and hasn't dated anyone for years. Plus, he got insecure, bittered and cynical. When my other friend was cheated on by her b/f of 2 years, she cried for a year and couldn't move on that easily. So, in reality, I don't think people move on easier if they know they've been cheated on. If they move, men usually "move" to hugging the beer bottle and girls to hugging the pillow

[carpediem_b]

Hey Cain , you dont have to be all angry , there a lot of ppl that think like you do , but does not make it right or wrong . evryone deals different with break up , if my bf was a person that needed anger to forget me , belive me i would do anything to make it less painfull. i did not choose to be in such situation , i am not saying is not my foult , however i do belive in faith as well.i should have tried harder but if a relationship does not come natural isnt it inutile to force someone into it couse the real feelings would come out someday.

my bigest mitake is that i did not admit to my self i had feelings abt my ex specialy after dreaming him without any of his or mine influence during the days, i think that was bigg and clear sign that i was trying to ignore,just couse i respect and care abt the person i am with .if i ever loved him, yes in some way i did l.ove has different shapes and forms, bcs of this i do not want to see him hurt more and tell him i cheated. but telling him that , i dont love him anymore and has nothing to do with him , as that is the trueth.make him understand he deserves someone better then me ,who would love him the way he deserves,i belive would benneft him much more then telling him ; u know what i was not satisfied thus i cheated on u ... what do u think?

[lesa]

I've never been cheated on. What I'm saying is I could take that anger and use it to get over her tomorrow.

I don't know if I would want to know or not. Especially if the relationship lasted a very long time.

However, there may be some truth to what Cain is saying. I broke up with a long time bf because of incompatibilities issues and not due to cheating, etc....and as a result we will probably forever have love for each other. We both are too hurt and I guess too embarrassed to try another relationship so it is definitely over but too many bittersweet memories. It would probably be better if we truly hated each other than living life with these 'what if's'. There would be no such thoughts from me if I knew he had cheated.

[Cain]

I think if you don't love him, you need to break up with him regardless of whether or not you find someone else. Don't hang onto him until you decide if you have feelings for your ex.

[lesa]

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. However, when my best friend cheated on her ex b/f and told him, he was devastated and hasn't dated anyone for years. Plus, he got insecure, bittered and cynical. When my other friend was cheated on by her b/f of 2 years, she cried for a year and couldn't move on that easily. So, in reality, I don't think people move on easier if they know they've been cheated on. If they move, men usually "move" to hugging the beer bottle and girls to hugging the pillow

I have to agree. It depends on my relationship. If my ex told me that he cheated on me I would truly be devastated. I would not want to know that from him because it really doesn't match his character. I would probably be hurt for years. It's better to not know in his case. EDIT: I am 100% sure that I would not want to know whether he cheated.

On the current bf, I would probably want to know if he cheated on me because I am not too emotionally invested in him like I was in the ex.

[Mish]

my problem is that i dont know if i am in love or infatuated or whatttt..dont know what to do ...and am terrified of making the wrong decission...

I thought this line was finny, you made so many wrong decisions over and over again, it's funny you are terrified of dropping another one into the mix.

Carpediem, it sounds like you are in a relationship of conveniece, first with your ex and now with your current bf. My assumption is based on what you posted, to summarise; You broke up with your ex because you went to university in another city, i.e. it was no longer conveniet to be in relationship with him so you dropped him. You are now in a relationship with your bf because it's conveniet, he is in your vicinity, you don't need any extra effort, he's right there. You cheat on your bf when you visit your parents because it's conveniet, your ex is close by. It seems like, convenience is one of the main reasons that explains your actions, the rest is just sugar coating. If this is true, I would recommend for you to do some soul searching and be single for awhile.

Sorry for the harsh words, just telling it how I see it.

[Only-virgins]

carpediem_b:

If you stay with your current b/f you'll never be truly happy simple because you'll be fantasizing about your ex until your ex refuses to be with you when you go back to your hometown or until he gets married or until some other reason or maybe never. The problem is you hasted with buying a house with your current b/f, which you shouldn't have done especially because you had cheated on him before. Don't do such big things with guys unless you're 100% sure he's the one.

Here's what you can do now:
1) stay with your current b/f and commit to that decision
2) leave your current b/f, sell the house, rent a place in the town your current good job is, move on and find someone 3rd
3) leave your current b/f, sell the house, rent a place in the town your current good job is and ask your ex b/f to move there
4) leave your current b/f and go back to your hometown, but only if you're 100% that relationship is gonna work out and that you can find a decent job there too (if you're really gonna go back home, don't go before you find a job there).

Why did you and your 1st b/f break up in the first place? What makes you sure that relationship would work?

If she stays with her boyfriend she has to tell him she cheated on him, she owes him that much.

[Citycat]

Misha's comments are funny, hihihi.

If she stays with her boyfriend she has to tell him she cheated on him, she owes him that much.

Yes, but then he'll dump her. So, how can she stay with him?

[misombra]

maybe you should be single for a while.