Will Mistake Ruin Relationship?

[Lite]

But if you insist, then perhaps you can find a religious person with similar views about sex before marriage?

Or, you could get really drunk, have sex, go to church, confess your sins and be forgiven (At least, if you're Catholic you can... ), and go on with your life minus one less hang-up.

Like I said before. It's like buying the sports car of your dreams without test driving it first. You know what it looks like, what it has under the hood, how many cup holders it has, but you've never driven it. Would you buy a car that you haven't driven?

[Lite]

Oh, and the age-old addage of your hymen being intact determining your virginity status? Many women manage to break theirs doing sports or other strenuous activity prior to having sex the first time.

But, pain, blood, and his penis in you? You're not a virgin if that's how you measure such a thing.

[Silentvoid]

I never said he was necessarily wrong, Lite. I said he was an ass. That doesn't change just because he's a moderator. Moderators are humans too. And this is a human who I have no desire to have any more contact with. Period. Crude or not, he offended me, and I ask him once again to just stop posting.

I have been examined by a medical doctor who stated that it was indeed still intact. I know that it can be broken in other ways, but I realize it is something that my boyfriend and I must discuss and make a compromise over.

I don't view my outlook on losing virginity as being a "bargaining chip." It's a religious view, and one I have been taught religiously. I don't see it as being necessarily "unreasonable," it's questioning a lifetime of being raised to save it. This is not an uncommon belief where I am from.

[Junket]

Well where are you from?

We have members anywhere from the US, to Canada, to the UK, Germany, Sweden, Australia, Philippines and China. It's hard for us to give appropriate advice if we don't know your gender, your age, and cultural background.

[Yggdrasil]

Whether it being you win, he wins, or you compromise and both agree to hate the compromise.

WOW, hold it RIGHT THERE. Partnerships are NOT about winning or losing nor are they about compromising. If you want to WIN in a relation, you already LOST. If you want to COMPROMISE things in your relation, your relation is already COMPROMIZED.

Relations are mostly about mutual respect, understanding, open communication, healthy coping and problem solving skills, commitment and hopefully love.

If you're withholding sex due to issues w/ rape/abuse then I would suggest that you really should get some counseling because those issues will not go away when you say I do and there's a ring on your finger. If anything, problems are suddenly magnified once you're married. Because you HAVE to deal with them and the problems it causes your relationship. If you don't, the relationship fails and it costs you a lot of money, causes you a lot of emotional strife, and you become a divorce statistic.

Agreed, she has to take care of her trauma.

Either you love him enough to overcome your fears, your dogmatic brainwashing, and sleep with him. Or you don't. Either he is OK with waiting (when he has said he isn't), or he isn't and he goes away.

Love for HIM has nothing to do with overcomming her trauma.

And yep, there's 2 sides to the story here. If he is unable to understand that she needs time to deal with her trauma (physical (the sexual abuse) and emotional (the religious part)), then they are better off going their own ways, because he can not give her what she NEEDS (which it totaly different from what she WANTS) and vice versa.

BTW: this forum isn't called: religious bashing and ranting.

Everybody is entitled to their own personal relgious and spiritual views. If you are unable to respect that, you're making a clear statement about whom you are.

[lesa]

Simply court each other until you can find a man that expresses an interest to marry you. Stay away from places and activities that cause temptation. Do those things and you will have a clear conscience because you will be following your values. Then, you would not worry about the other stuff stated in your posts.

To recap: Avoid doing things that increase the chance of sexual activities--no heavy petting, fondling, being alone for extended time, etc. You know this--DO IT!

Best Wishes.

[Junket]

BTW: this forum isn't called: religious bashing and ranting.

Everybody is entitled to their own personal relgious and spiritual views. If you are unable to respect that, you're making a clear statement about whom you are.

I don't recall religion ever being brought until you posted.

[IndiReloaded]

I never said he was necessarily wrong, Lite. I said he was an ass. That doesn't change just because he's a moderator. Moderators are humans too. And this is a human who I have no desire to have any more contact with. Period. Crude or not, he offended me, and I ask him once again to just stop posting.

If you dont want contact with a moderator of this board, perhaps you should find another one. You are the one being given free advice, remember. You could say thank you to those who have given you advice.

And, you have now insulted him by calling him an ass. So, your behaviour is, frankly, no better.

Grow up already. You had blood & pain w/a penis in you. You are no more virgin than a gal who got off from having fingers up her vayjay. Noone here believes it, you are just trying to convince yourself of something that isn't true.

Perhaps you should be asking your doc for a referral to a shrink as well. You are way too hung up on something that is, biologically, very trivial.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't view my outlook on losing virginity as being a "bargaining chip." It's a religious view, and one I have been taught religiously. I don't see it as being necessarily "unreasonable," it's questioning a lifetime of being raised to save it. This is not an uncommon belief where I am from.

Well, if this is so, I really think you would be happier finding someone who shares your religious beliefs. You have no more right to force him to change his beliefs (that sex before marriage is okay), than he does yours (that it isn't).

Just find someone more compatible & make things easier for yourself.

[Junket]

Well, if this is so, I really think you would be happier finding someone who shares your religious beliefs. You have no more right to force him to change his beliefs (that sex before marriage is okay), than he does yours (that it isn't).

Just find someone more compatible & make things easier for yourself.

Whoops.

Guess I missed that one.

So the OP brought up religion, and so far as I see, no one disrespected it.

[IndiReloaded]

I think the religion comment was more to do with Ygg's concern about Lite's comment. Shrug, b/c I can relate to where he is coming from.

Point is, this gal's BF could just as easily say that *his* atheistic beliefs tell him that he *should* have sex before marriage. Its just as valid a viewpoint as a religious person believing sex before marriage is verbotten.

Anyway, she's clearly not a virgin, she is just trying to make herself believe it. So her basic premise is flawed.

Now, if she says she regrets it, and would like to go back to waiting until marriage to have sex w/her partner, well, that's her choice. But its also his choice to say "C ya, then".

[Junket]

I think the religion comment was more to do with Ygg's concern about Lite's comment. Shrug, b/c I can relate to where he is coming from.

Point is, this gal's BF could just as easily say that *his* atheistic beliefs tell him that he *should* have sex before marriage. Its just as valid a viewpoint as a religious person believing sex before marriage is verbotten.

Anyway, she's clearly not a virgin, she is just trying to make herself believe it. So her basic premise is flawed.

Now, if she says she regrets it, and would like to go back to waiting until marriage to have sex w/her partner, well, that's her choice. But its also his choice to say "C ya, then".

That sums up what I already said.

Apparently I don't speak "sugar coat".

[Silentvoid]

If you dont want contact with a moderator of this board, perhaps you should find another one. You are the one being given free advice, remember. You could say thank you to those who have given you advice.

And, you have now insulted him by calling him an ass. So, your behaviour is, frankly, no better.

Grow up already. You had blood & pain w/a penis in you. You are no more virgin than a gal who got off from having fingers up her vayjay. Noone here believes it, you are just trying to convince yourself of something that isn't true.

Perhaps you should be asking your doc for a referral to a shrink as well. You are way too hung up on something that is, biologically, very trivial.

When your beliefs are bashed so blatantly and so rudely, I'd like to see how you respond. I hardly think having an issue with a moderator is a reason to leave a board. I was a mod myself for years. You're going to clash. But I was respectful enough to honor individual's outlooks and leave them alone when asked. He's a mod, not a god. I won't let him or anyone else attack me. That's how it is. Was I offensive to him? Yes. His comments were far out of line. It has nothing to do with "sugar coating." It's called acting with decency towards another human being. He's blatantly bashing.

I'm not going to explain in detail what happened to me. I was young. I didn't understand everything I should have. The physicality of the hymen being in place has always been stressed - nothing else. And you are incredibly insensitive to the fact that this is something I must work through. Trivial as it may seem to you, it's not. People have different views. Why don't you grow up and get that? I'm honoring yours. Honor mine. If you can't, you are obviously not an individual I am seeking advice from. I never asked you to post.

[Junket]

I'm honoring yours. Honor mine. If you can't, you are obviously not an individual I am seeking advice from. I never asked you to post.

That's just it, in regards to sex, while you can be dismissive of our opinions, you can't with your boyfriends. I think that has the been general sentiment shared amongst the posters so far. You've been incredibly sensitive to our differing opinions and I can assure that you have not even come close to being bashed. You're getting far too caught up in our disagreeing with you views that you can't see that regardless what you believe we're still looking out for you.

Either you two can compromise on this, or you can't and the relationship will fail.

Now you'll find some good advice on how to deal with either route you end up taking, but you need to discuss this with him first to see where he stands, if you have not already.

Your opinion on this matter is not the only one that counts so there's not much else we can say until you've made some progress towards some kind of resolution

[IndiReloaded]

Why don't you grow up and get that? I'm honoring yours. Honor mine. If you can't, you are obviously not an individual I am seeking advice from. I never asked you to post.

Child. I haven't been disrespectful, go back & read my posts. Now, you on the other hand, are insulting me. Simply for stating my clear opinion & agreeing with certain things Frasbee said. I stated absolutely no opinion on *how* he said it, that is between you & he. And, no, I am not in any way obligated to be more understanding of whatever messed up issues you have. You asked an opinion on a subject, I simply responded. The fact you don't like it is YOUR problem.

You aren't honoring anything of mine, btw. I haven't posted anything for you to agree or disagree with. If you post something on a *public* board, you can expect to get different responses. Its like a buffet: simply help yourself to that which you want and ignore the rest. If you were a mod, as you claim, you would know this.

You may not ask people to post, but likewise, you are not obligated to read. You sound like a darn control freak. Hilarious that anyone would come on to a board as a newbie and try to "improve" us this way. What a perfectly skewed view of the world, LOL. I am not at all surprised you are having problems with your life.

If you don't like it, leave, or ignore. Its that simple.